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irismarie

Very helpful member
Joined
Nov 21, 2009
Messages
1,386
Reason
PALS
Diagnosis
05/2010
Country
FR
State
tarn et garonne
City
valeilles
well, today is Christmas day and I wonder how many others out there are wondering like me if it will be their last? But the sun is shining here in SW France, the sky is blue so it is hard to be too down. (Have to say that DOWN is not my natural position in life. Always rebounded in life, first like a rubber ball, now more like a fragile soap bubble but still bumping back UP.
Perhaps we should cancel all marker days like birthdays and today - or better still make a rude gesture and tell the world that that is one more milestone we have passed, one more little battle won.

Feel so helpless. Cannot rely on my carer who is a pothead and switches from being the best carer in the world to a monster in the flick of an eyelid. Cannot understand why someone young and strong and physically healthy thinks he can enhance his life with anything that takes away his freedom (cannot live without it) and makes him totally dependent on it for calm and joy when we are all lying or sitting around dreaming of freedom and independence.
I am strong for me but being strong against his weakness is killing me.

BUT HERE IS A HUGE SMILE AND A HUG FOR ALL. See? I cannot be kept down for long....
 
Hi. Yes, you're right, every special day becomes a sad reminder that our days are as the sands of an hourglass. BTW, your "rubber ball" and "soap bubble" metaphors are much better and more original than my hour glass! But, you knowIrismarie, every day is already a special "benchmark" that ticks off our continuum of life. Whether its Christmas, Newyears or a birthday. Everyday is someone's mark. I'm going to pause for a moment, 'cause it has been YOU who have inspired ME to keep positive. I felt bad that I was not on-line earlier as I'm usually up at 3:00 a.m., but then realized we have several time zones between us; it's 8:47 in Ohio now. I continue to be inspired and encouraged by you as I saw your hope build during your post. So, thanks dear for that. BTW, back to figures of speech. The term Cliche, I have read, is obviously a French word. This literary term (over-used and worn-out saying) referst to the sound of a hot printing plate being quenched in water. Can you identify with the origin of this word for me? Sorry, English teacher here. Hey, I love you and your spirit. Please make today count for me too. OH, you already have. Blessings to you, dear! JK
 
Cannot understand why someone young and strong and physically healthy thinks he can enhance his life with anything that takes away his freedom (cannot live without it) and makes him totally dependent on it for calm and joy when we are all lying or sitting around dreaming of freedom and independence.

Irismarie, you are so insightful. This statement of yours really resonates with me. Sadly I know someone who, like your carer, has enslaved themselves to a substance that is destructive and you have put this so eloquently. I have also wondered the same thing and you express it perfectly. I am really sorry that you have to deal with that in addition to everything else. Is your carer a friend of yours? It is so difficult to deal with an addict and I hope that you can get help from an organization like Alanon.

I have to agree with JK, your optimism is very inspiring and has uplifted me today so thank you for that!

Joyeux Noel!

Rosella

P.S. JK, you too are very eloquent. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I don't think I formally welcomed you to the forum but of course I am sorry you had to come looking for us. In any case, "Welcome" and Merry Christmas to you and your furry little friend in the avatar. He's quite cute.
 
Ah, ladies. You both are as sweet poetry. Even your names, "Irismarie" and "Rosella" remind me of the wind in the trees or the quiet murmur of cool and dark spring. The name "Jay" conversely sounds like a sneeze. BTW, the sound of the hot printing plate when quenched in water (containing the stale, common and overused saying e.g. "always look on the bright side") was "Cleeeeeeeeesh" --I read that this is how the term, "cliche" got its name. Sorry, this is a bit off topic. I'm not a know-it-all (woops-cliche) but really miss my students.-JK
 
If another message much like this appears, it is not have accidentally reposted twice, not my brain cells dropping (and I thought it was dandruff!) it is that a message I wrote to reply to JK has disappeared..........

Firstly, a cliché was a printing plate with a design on it in relief so that it could be "impressed" many times. Bit like a rubber stamp. So it was used over and over and gradually became less clear and less of value.... cliché..........

JK Are you aware your initials in French sound like Zheekah, which rhymes with Yeehah so shout that out loud and imagine the wild horses raising the dust as they gallop away ahead of us as we grip our impatient mounts, foaming at the mouth (the impatient mounts, not us) with strong legs (us not the impatient mounts) and gallop off behind them into the beautiful mountains/sunset/swimming pool/whatever turns you on. Aren't we lucky!

Rosella, He is my partner of the last 6 years. One always makes excuses for them and I NEED his help so I bet against myself that when he cools down and the anger and violence leaves him I shall forgive and forget yet again, though I always wish I didn't.
 
Thanks for that explanation. Still your names are so poetic and make me think of things of nature whether male or female or both or neither. Yes, the printing plate wasn't the saying, but an image that, with time had become . . . meaningless or even invisable. Well, we certainly have taken a merry road in a different direction. I'm thinking about you all this day and every day. -JK
 
Yeehah, You say you are not a know-all. Why not? as one myself I can assure you it is a magnificent position of beautiful views and endless fun.

It's Christmas. One can be off topic.
But in any case if we have ALS we are automatically tropical and entitled to palm trees and silver beaches or silver beeches if we prefer.

Sorry, flippancy is a reaction to the violence and anger I have been exposed to these last two days. It i s as if life tries to get me down and kneel heavily on me to KEEP me down but having foreseen this through countless previous experiences I coat myself in slippery, soapy gel (called LAUGHTER on the bottle or the cheaper, generic version called THUMB TO NOSE) and squirt out from under him (life) and can run awaymaking a face and calling nah, nah, nah nah, nah yet again.

Love to all
Irismarie
 
". . . And to all a good night." I will use your laughter/lather/thumb-to-nose technique religiously. And thanks to thelma313 for the kind words and welcome. Until later. -JK
 
irismarie, JK and Rosella, I haven't been online for awhile and I am soooo glad that I found this thread! You three are incredible souls! irismarie, he can't be a pothead and be violent?! All the people that I have ever met that smoked pot were such mellow and loving souls. Sweet woman, we have to figure some way to help you out of this situation-it will only become worse :[ My first husband was abusive so I know only too well this vicious circle that you are enclosed in...do you want help? There is always a way, you just have to believe it and not him. I wish that I could pack up Web, Matthew and myself and come to you [it is the caretaker Nurse in me] If you want to make a change, we will help you in whatever way that is possible.
jk, I am sooo sorry but I have a horrible FEAR of mice and RATS so your avi and name make me cringe! I do really enjoy you! I love your thoughtful, insightful and lyrical posts!
Rosella, you are the fragrance that wafts over my soul! Hope today is full of love for everyone! Kay Marie
 
Irismarie and all: This thread has been all over the place, and that was wonderful for random thoughts--and your practical concern re your caregiver. As its originator, perhaps you may want to narrow it to either "celebrating passing benchmarks" through our combined poetic/literary outlook or something helpful regarding "caretakers". As a poster child (adult) for ADD, I can easily be "all over the place" and will gladly continue wildly if no one minds. For starters, how do you like my new avi? He's much less threatening but demands the same respect as his "Rattus Norvegicus" cousin. -JK
 
MUCH BETTER! Maybe you could find some adorable little mouse friend from a Disney movie? lolol
 
JK, weplcome to the forum family. I love both your new and old avatar and my favourite rat is Rizzo from the Muppets. He has attitude!

Rizzo1.jpg
 
Rosella, He is my partner of the last 6 years. One always makes excuses for them and I NEED his help so I bet against myself that when he cools down and the anger and violence leaves him I shall forgive and forget yet again, though I always wish I didn't.

Irismarie, I hope that you can find a way to work through this situation. Addicts are very difficult selfish people to live with. Obviously at his core, he is a good person because I trust you wouldn't choose to be with someone who has no redeeming qualities -- but when he is using, he's not himself, which I'm sure you have come to realize. It's just so hard to strike a balance between helping someone with an addiction and not enabling their addiction. If there is just one thing I have learned, it's that we are pretty powerless to change others. We can only change how we react to what they do.

Are you familiar with Alanon? If there is a meeting that is feasible for you to attend I would highly recommend it. I am so sorry that you have to deal with this on top of everything else. I remember you saying that your friends got you your walker so clearly you have good friends, perhaps one of them can take you to an Alanon meeting (or something similar) once a week? They can help provide you with some necessary techniques in dealing with an addict.

When you say "violence" I hope it is not directed at you because if it is, then we need to work on keeping you safe. That is the priority right now.

I do wish you were closer but please know that you are not alone!
All the best to you,
Rosella
 
Dear Irismarie,

I also want to encourage you and let you know that your posts inspire and encourage me! Please do not neglect your own safety and well being. I hope you can get the support to make the necessary changes so you are NOT in a situation with addict who is not seeking help. I grew up in an environment where my father was an addict, and had to do a whole lot of compensating for his disease, and learned/was taught that it was my job to keep him calm to avoid the violent outbursts. It took a long time as a young adult to undo that learning, and it also required me to "change the rules of the game" so that I was taken care of. Once you can do that, though, you will create a new, safer environment (not just physically safer, but emotionally and spiritually), that will take much better care of you.

You are in my prayers.
Peace,

Rosella's suggestion of Alanon is awesome! You will learn how to set healthy boundaries that you can live by that will take care of and protect you. If you are concerned for your safety, then it is all the more important to do whatever you have to do to create a safe place for yourself.
 
how I love you all! Thank you for your concern and your suggestions.

Yes, potheads are normally peaceful as he was when I met him. But 30+ years of a drug every day morning till night, plus drinking alcohol
with it now as well, has warped the brain. HE does not see that of course and demands the right to live as he wishes. I must stress that when he is not angry he is the best carer in the world. But every day there is some display of anger and negativism rules his life.
I decided I would prefer to try to go it alone than stay with him and have told him that as this is probably the last year of my life I want to live it in as much joy, happiness and pleasure as is possible and that his moodswings are too miserable for me to bear any longer and that I afrai of his violence. He cannot understand. BUt still is not prepared to TRY to make a change. He just ignores my requests for him to leave. Maybe that is for the best. It would be hard to do everything for myself.

Still,; I should n,ot complain so much. I have brilliant friends, three dogs that I adore, a physiotherapist to die for, live in beauty and cannot help but see the funny side of everything, even this.
I just love you all and am so sorry you have all had to travel such hard times.

One more thing I find interesting.....fears of things like rats and mice or in my case snakes must surely diminish in face of our big reality? I think I could even look a python in that ugly eye now! It is nothing in comparison with ALS!
 
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