Sorry I Have Been Absent For So Long..........

[imanzcan]

To all my friends that still remember who I am....I am so sorry I have been absent for soooo long. I was having issues logging in....then all of a sudden I am able to log in and post, so here I am! I have a lot of catching up to do! I have been working myself to death. I am my husband's 24/7 caregiver....and believe me A CAREGIVER I AM! It is overwhelming. I am having to work harder with my husband than I did with my son! This is killing me! I am not the same person I used to be. I am not angry at God, but I still find myself asking Him, "Why me? What have I ever done?" Okay...enuf of my *****ing!

I just want to wish everyone a joyous Christmas! Will try to visit more often, and try to catch up! I am just over worked! May God bless you all! Merry Xmas!

A Very Tired Irma

 

[BarryG]

Merry Christmas Irma! We have missed you and I hope that you can get some rest and that you can catch up with all that we have been up to. Have a good day tomorrow.

Barry

 

[imanzcan]

Thank you Barry! Like I said I have a lot of catching up to do.....I have been caring for my husband 24/7, and I am talking about totally! It is like having a grown baby at home. I hand feed him, i bathe him, shave him, do all hygiene stuff, transfer him all over...he is a big man...I am, or was, of small stature! This depression has driven me to eat, eat, eat and have added punds! I have always been cautious of my weight and appearance...now I have gone to hell! I do not know why this is happening to me back to back....My son Rudy, bless his soul....he never ever wanted to put me through a lot of bs. He did a lot for himself even when he couldn;t up to the last day, not days but day! My husband depends on me a whole lot, and it is killing me! I am no spring chicken...I will turn 67 next month, so you can see where I am coming from. I am an old lady that can only do so much! Like today...he woke me up at 6:30 am...I thiught he wanted ti teetee, instead he was messed in doodoo. I cleaned him up....after that, he doodooed 4 more times throughout the day! It is just too overwhelming for me! I just do not know what to do anymore! The man looks healthy as hell...I am the one that looks like shit! Sorry...I just had to let it out!

Irma

 

[BarryG]

Irma, it is so sad that you have to do all this yourself. I think that this is probably a silly question but, is there no one else to help so that you can get some rest or at least some time off? You need to look after yourself too because you wont be able to do it all by yourself forever before your own health starts to suffer.

You can let it out all you want, that is what we are here for.

All the best to you

 

[imanzcan]

Barry, my husband he is not a Pals, he is Diabetic, he had one of his legs amputated abput a year ago. I do not discuss him too much, because he is not Als related. I have decided to remain here in my son's memory, I lost him to Als almost 3 yrs ago. We only had 2 sons, and when Rudy passed we were left with one! I do get help through an agency, but it is only for short visits. They are never here when I really do need them! lol I will keep in touch Barry, may God bless you and your family!

Irma

 

[BarryG]

I am glad that you are here, especially because it is in memory of your son. My dad died at 76 of a heart attack in 1990 (seems like a lifetime ago now) and he was a diabetic who had both legs amputated at the knees. He was living on his own in an apartment in a seniors complex but he wasn't very good at looking after himself or eating right so his diabetes, weight and heart disease (he had quit smoking but had smoked for 50 years) finally caught up with him.

I am glad that you do get some help and I hope that you get more.

Take care
Barry

 

[thelma313]

I hope you get more help too, Irma and I wish you a very peaceful and Merry Christmas. Like Barry said, come here to vent and for support any time. It doesn't matter that your husband is not a PALS. You have had to endure more than anyone should. I know it's hard. I am not a religious person but I find myself asking God "Why?" My mom has been a caregiver to both her parents and now my dad all in the last decade. She did have a 3-year break before my dad was diagnosed. Those were very happy years, she and my dad travelled, dined, enjoyed life to the fullest. I am so bitter that it was cut short by his ALS so I can only imagine how you feel.

I too eat when I am stressed. My mom and I joke that when my dad got his peg and gained back 15 pounds that we joined him in doing that so he'd have company. But don't worry about that too much. I am sure you are still adorable!

Be well and take good care of yourself. Be sure to say nice things to yourself in your head. The negative thoughts we have in our minds are the most destructive thing in our lives... so be kind.

Rosella

 

[Al]

Irma, you will always be welcome here. Try to have as good of a holiday season as you can.

AL.

 

[imanzcan]

Hi Al! Thank you very much for making me feel welcome to this forum. I feel so close to my son whenever I visit this site! Al, you may not believe this, but this am when I went to bed I was thinking about you guys! Lo and behold....I dreamed about my son Rudy. My dream was sad..........I dreamed that I ran into 2 of his old friends. They asked me about Rudy, and I told them that he was ill, and was not doing too good. We talked for a while...then I told them I had to get home to check on my son. I got home, and when I entered my home I saw my son laying on the floor, having issues breathing. I put my arms around him, he felt ice cold to me, and he died in my arms all over again. I wonder what this dream meant? Hope you and your family had a Merry Christmas! May God bless each one of you!

 

[hopingforcure]

Irma dear, welcome back. We have missed you. Please come back with us, we are here for you. It was special to see you on Christmas, maybe Rudy was bringing you back to us. Bless you..

 

[imanzcan]

Thank you hoping! It's nice to be back. I could not log in for the longest! God only knows what went wrong! I have been missing you guys! May God bless each one of you!

Irma