Old 08-19-2009, 06:09 PM #1 (permalink)
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Default My Idea For Anti-Twitch Cream

Why not? There is anti-wrinkle cream, anti-fungal cream and anit-itch cream so why not "Zaphoon's Very Own New (and improved) Anti-Twitch Cream!"

Yes sir! Just apply this colorful (your choice of black, brown or mustard), odorful (guaranteed to awaken the dullest olfactory senses), and sticky cream at bedtime and it is guarenteed (almost) to stop any magnitude of twitch dead in its axon.

Simply pay $19.95 (plus shipping, handling and toxic waste fees) to:

Zaphoon's Very Own New (and improved) Anti-Twitch Cream
C/O Forum Follies
Canada/USA

(allow 6 years for product research, development, marketing and delivery)

Zaphoon

Last edited by Zaphoon : 08-19-2009 at 06:15 PM Reason: too many h's
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Old 08-19-2009, 06:50 PM #2 (permalink)
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And that's not all ! If you order right now, we'll also send you 2,000 little wooden applicator paddles (paddles!) FOR FREE, plus the cost of shipping and fondling.

And that's not all ! If you order in the next 30 seconds, we'll also include Zaphoonomics New Anti-Undulation Cream FOR FREE. You pay only the cost of shipping and finding someone to put it in a box and take it to the post office.

Act now! Don't, delay! (I mean that sincerely ... Tom DeLay is going on Dancing With the Stars?!? DON'T, DELAY, PLEASE DON'T. Aaaaiiiieeeee ! )

Operators are standing by. Have your credit card ready. Better yet, send me your credit card and I'll swipe it for you.

Last edited by BethU : 08-19-2009 at 06:51 PM Reason: You cannot have too many h's, Kim. You, of all people, should know that!
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Old 08-19-2009, 07:15 PM #3 (permalink)
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Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha! Very well done, Beth! I was hoping someone would continue the ad!
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Old 08-19-2009, 08:22 PM #4 (permalink)
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Cool Living Testimonial to Zaphoon's Anti-Twich Cream

Hah , Mah name is Bubba

I used the anti-twitch cream for about 3 months now.
It stopped the twitching on my face.
It stopped the twitching on my arms.
It stopped the twitching on my legs.
It even stopped the twitching on my butt cheeks.

But I must warn you about the fine print that you cant read.

Do not leave this cream in the night stand, next to the tube of KY.

Yessiree folks it stopped all twitching , itching .
It doesn't even grow anymore.
It has packed up and left my body.
When its time to pee , break out the tweezers folks.
Nurses will whisper behind your back.
Doctors just outright laugh at you.
Ladies underwear doesn't bind anymore.
The little people will call YOU shrimpy.
Dogs will no longer sniff your crotch - they know whats missing.
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Old 08-19-2009, 09:09 PM #5 (permalink)
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Default

It should have been, "But wait! There's more!" Remembered the wording too late.

Hey, I'll try it. With a recommendation like Bubba's, how can I resist? My Czech is in the mail, PZ. (The Pole dancer and Russian are busy, alas.)
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Old 08-19-2009, 09:42 PM #6 (permalink)
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Default Lol

OH THAT WAS GREAT! I needed a laugh........
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Old 08-19-2009, 10:34 PM #7 (permalink)
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PZ, Beth, and Glen: a trifecta of hilarity. Thanks for the laughs!
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Old 08-19-2009, 10:53 PM #8 (permalink)
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What?! You mean for $19.95 plus shipping and fondling I could have been cured of my twitching and it had nothing to do with ALS? Who would have thought?
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Old 08-19-2009, 11:02 PM #9 (permalink)
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lol i am so glad yous are here to make me laugh thats the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow when i am feeling so down, for the first time in my life i love people i dont know.
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Old 08-20-2009, 07:36 AM #10 (permalink)
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Now, if we could corner the market on drool...we could make ourselves a bundle!
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Old 08-20-2009, 09:42 AM #11 (permalink)
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Default Announcing PZ's Drool Be Gone!

Do you or a loved one suffer from uncontrolable drool? Well now you can rid yourself of unwanted, unsightly and uncontrolable drool in a safe and effective way with PZ's All New (and improved!) "Drool Be Gone"!

Its odorless (almost...), tasteless (kind of...) and almost invisible on the job. It's so comfortable, you won't even know it's there!

Just apply a generous amount (we sell more of it this way...) to the mouth as needed and watch that unwanted, unsightly and uncontrolable drool disappear! It works in minutes in some cases, hours in others and is totally ineffective in most but its there when you need it!

We guarantee you may be satisfied with PZ's All New (and improved!) "Drool Be Gone" or maybe not!

Buy today and we'll ship you an extra tube, can or vat of this amazing product for just a little bit more (amount charged will be reflected on your next Visa or Mastercard Bill).

(This product has proven most effective on those who also suffer from "No Breathing Syndrome")

Just send as much money as you can right away to:

PZ's All New (and improved!) "Drool Be Gone"
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Canada/USA

Zaphoon (I'm a real PLSer!)

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Old 08-20-2009, 08:12 PM #12 (permalink)
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Default Dear PZ,

I am a constant drooler . Will your product work for me ?

I have tried numerous medical professionals , but they always run away from me.

Attached is a picture of me when I get up in the morning.
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My Idea For Anti-Twitch Cream-inthemorning.jpg  
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Old 08-20-2009, 08:20 PM #13 (permalink)
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lol you guys are something else
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Old 08-20-2009, 08:40 PM #14 (permalink)
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OMG! ROTFLMAO! Seriously snorting and choking! Any snorting ointment?! Do you take IOU's? You guys could and should go on the road as a Comedy Act! I love it! Keep winging them my direction!
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Old 08-20-2009, 10:07 PM #15 (permalink)
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Default PZ's Amazing Anti Snort/Anti Choke Elixor

Do you experience bouts of snorting and or choking? Do you suffer from the embarassment that comes with sudden snorts in public? Are you tired of people giving you that look that says, "yeah, he's a real snorter!"

Have you snorted yourself into a choking fit while in South Dakota?

Then you need PZ's Amazing Anti Snort/Anti choke Elixor! It''s so new it hasn't had time to be improved or tested but we're pretty sure it works! In fact, it comes with our closest, almost guarantee!

With contents comprised of natural fruit juices (from very rare and exotic plants harvested in our very own basement laboratory) and fermented to perfection, you will be glad you tried it with your very first 16oz dose.

This product is made by the same people that have brought you such products as "Zaphoon's Very Own New (and improved!) Anti-Twitch Cream" and "PZ's All New (and improved) Drool Be Gone".

Order PZ's Amazing Anti-Snort/Anti-Choke Elixor today and get a one month supply of our Anit-twitch cream and "Drool Be Gone" for just $19.95 more (plus shipping, handling and toxic waste fees).

That's right! You can have it all (the whole shabang) for what you'll see us charge on your Visa or Mastercard.

Order within the next 30 minutes and we'll throw in a whoopee cushon (a $50 value) for just $30 more!)

Send us your order to:

The Whole Shabang!
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Last edited by Zaphoon : 08-20-2009 at 10:09 PM Reason: stuff
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