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Olivia

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Joined
May 19, 2016
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23
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Other
Country
UK
State
England
City
Manchester
Hello everybody,

I hope you don't mind me writing on here, I didn't really know where to put it. This post is a lot different to my others.

I would like to thank you all from the bottom of my heart. Secondly, I would like to apologise.

I started getting symptoms nearly a year ago today- twitching, tremors, jerks, pain, fatigue, perceived weakness. I still have those symptoms every day of my life but my mind is much clearer and I am in a much better place.

I won't make this too long, I have already taken up too much of your time due to last year.

I was a 21 year old girl with a history of anxiety and 30 weeks pregnant, I came onto this site convinced i was dying of ALS. Whilst I had a right to post about my worries i did not have the right to carry on posting when you all told me this is not how ALS presents and I had doctors telling me it was not ALS.

I was very unwell mentally and unfortunately this drove me to try and hurt myself. Some of my posts are from after that happened as I snook a phone in when I spent sometime in a mental health hospital. I am now in recovery mentally. Symptom wise all I know is I have a messed up thyroid and that is good enough for now.

The point of this post is that you all saved my life really. I had no right to think I knew better than all of you who are going through this or supporting family that are. You probably all knew i did not have ALS and I was an extremely worried girl and you took the time to reply to me, to support me and encourage me to believe I was not dying. This was a support system that I didn't receive through doctors or even family even though I had no right to be here, but in a way I needed you all. You all helped me get better and I will be eternally grateful.

I have never suffered or watched somebody suffer from ALS, but I did in my mind honestly believe I had it (I know i did not and it does not compare to what you all are going through) but in my own weird way I had the slightest insight of what it is like to really think I had ALS. I admire the bravery, the determination and the kind souls you possess to help a struggling girl when you're pain was so much worse than my own. I do not know you personally but you will forever be in my heart. You saved me.

Words will never express my gratitude and admiration and I will never look at the world and this life the same, I will look at people without judgement and I hope I can help somebody one day. I really hope I haven't offended anyone by posting this on here.

Finally I would like to share a poem I wrote, its not good or anything but here it is.

I look up at the sky, how was it so dark before
How did I not see the beauty in to live, to love, to walk
So obsessed with my own demons, selfish in my pain
Judging people from the outside, like I never will again

I wasted moments, threw away days
I feel this shame whilst they’re so brave
How did I not see a pain greater than my own
A body is a shell, not a heart, a mind, or soul

A body that’s dying, but a mind that is so strong
Why take it away from people who are good, it all just feels so wrong
But I will take hope from their fire, their determination to carry on
A life is so much more than a life, when it still saves people once its gone


Thank you


Olivia.
 
I am glad you are in recovery. Have a long and happy life
 
Olivia- Thank you for coming back here to let us know how you are. Not only is it important for you to close this chapter, but to also show others how health fears and anxiety can take over one's life. I wish you well on your road to health.
 
Thank you for sharing Olivia. Best of luck to you.
 
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