Olivia
Member
- Joined
- May 19, 2016
- Messages
- 23
- Reason
- Other
- Country
- UK
- State
- England
- City
- Manchester
Hello everybody,
I hope you don't mind me writing on here, I didn't really know where to put it. This post is a lot different to my others.
I would like to thank you all from the bottom of my heart. Secondly, I would like to apologise.
I started getting symptoms nearly a year ago today- twitching, tremors, jerks, pain, fatigue, perceived weakness. I still have those symptoms every day of my life but my mind is much clearer and I am in a much better place.
I won't make this too long, I have already taken up too much of your time due to last year.
I was a 21 year old girl with a history of anxiety and 30 weeks pregnant, I came onto this site convinced i was dying of ALS. Whilst I had a right to post about my worries i did not have the right to carry on posting when you all told me this is not how ALS presents and I had doctors telling me it was not ALS.
I was very unwell mentally and unfortunately this drove me to try and hurt myself. Some of my posts are from after that happened as I snook a phone in when I spent sometime in a mental health hospital. I am now in recovery mentally. Symptom wise all I know is I have a messed up thyroid and that is good enough for now.
The point of this post is that you all saved my life really. I had no right to think I knew better than all of you who are going through this or supporting family that are. You probably all knew i did not have ALS and I was an extremely worried girl and you took the time to reply to me, to support me and encourage me to believe I was not dying. This was a support system that I didn't receive through doctors or even family even though I had no right to be here, but in a way I needed you all. You all helped me get better and I will be eternally grateful.
I have never suffered or watched somebody suffer from ALS, but I did in my mind honestly believe I had it (I know i did not and it does not compare to what you all are going through) but in my own weird way I had the slightest insight of what it is like to really think I had ALS. I admire the bravery, the determination and the kind souls you possess to help a struggling girl when you're pain was so much worse than my own. I do not know you personally but you will forever be in my heart. You saved me.
Words will never express my gratitude and admiration and I will never look at the world and this life the same, I will look at people without judgement and I hope I can help somebody one day. I really hope I haven't offended anyone by posting this on here.
Finally I would like to share a poem I wrote, its not good or anything but here it is.
I look up at the sky, how was it so dark before
How did I not see the beauty in to live, to love, to walk
So obsessed with my own demons, selfish in my pain
Judging people from the outside, like I never will again
I wasted moments, threw away days
I feel this shame whilst they’re so brave
How did I not see a pain greater than my own
A body is a shell, not a heart, a mind, or soul
A body that’s dying, but a mind that is so strong
Why take it away from people who are good, it all just feels so wrong
But I will take hope from their fire, their determination to carry on
A life is so much more than a life, when it still saves people once its gone
Thank you
Olivia.
I hope you don't mind me writing on here, I didn't really know where to put it. This post is a lot different to my others.
I would like to thank you all from the bottom of my heart. Secondly, I would like to apologise.
I started getting symptoms nearly a year ago today- twitching, tremors, jerks, pain, fatigue, perceived weakness. I still have those symptoms every day of my life but my mind is much clearer and I am in a much better place.
I won't make this too long, I have already taken up too much of your time due to last year.
I was a 21 year old girl with a history of anxiety and 30 weeks pregnant, I came onto this site convinced i was dying of ALS. Whilst I had a right to post about my worries i did not have the right to carry on posting when you all told me this is not how ALS presents and I had doctors telling me it was not ALS.
I was very unwell mentally and unfortunately this drove me to try and hurt myself. Some of my posts are from after that happened as I snook a phone in when I spent sometime in a mental health hospital. I am now in recovery mentally. Symptom wise all I know is I have a messed up thyroid and that is good enough for now.
The point of this post is that you all saved my life really. I had no right to think I knew better than all of you who are going through this or supporting family that are. You probably all knew i did not have ALS and I was an extremely worried girl and you took the time to reply to me, to support me and encourage me to believe I was not dying. This was a support system that I didn't receive through doctors or even family even though I had no right to be here, but in a way I needed you all. You all helped me get better and I will be eternally grateful.
I have never suffered or watched somebody suffer from ALS, but I did in my mind honestly believe I had it (I know i did not and it does not compare to what you all are going through) but in my own weird way I had the slightest insight of what it is like to really think I had ALS. I admire the bravery, the determination and the kind souls you possess to help a struggling girl when you're pain was so much worse than my own. I do not know you personally but you will forever be in my heart. You saved me.
Words will never express my gratitude and admiration and I will never look at the world and this life the same, I will look at people without judgement and I hope I can help somebody one day. I really hope I haven't offended anyone by posting this on here.
Finally I would like to share a poem I wrote, its not good or anything but here it is.
I look up at the sky, how was it so dark before
How did I not see the beauty in to live, to love, to walk
So obsessed with my own demons, selfish in my pain
Judging people from the outside, like I never will again
I wasted moments, threw away days
I feel this shame whilst they’re so brave
How did I not see a pain greater than my own
A body is a shell, not a heart, a mind, or soul
A body that’s dying, but a mind that is so strong
Why take it away from people who are good, it all just feels so wrong
But I will take hope from their fire, their determination to carry on
A life is so much more than a life, when it still saves people once its gone
Thank you
Olivia.