My name is Elliott Warner, Iím 23 years old.
In the process of 4-5 weeks, Iíve gone from considering how to get promoted at my job and graduating college(started late) to be scared I wonít wake up the next morning.
It started when late January, early Feb I thought my left leg was a bit weaker than my right one. But Iím right side dominate so it didnít come off as a big deal. Just work out more right? Not even a week later my neck felt weaker moving up and down as opposed to side to side. As I was already in the hospital Jan 25 for heart palpations, which I thought I was having a heart attack, I already have a sense of hypochondria. Iím just that sensitive and fearful of my own health.
So what did I do when I felt weak? I goggled ďmuscle weaknessĒ, and stumbled on the roller coaster thatís ALS.
I know thatís dumb, I know thatís silly. Doing so lead to paranoia and just intense fear that every little twitch on my body(which Iím already a twitcher) or feeling of weakness means Iím heading on the road towards my grave. Iíve checked my own reflexes for Babinski, watched my tongue for twitching, did speech tests, and of course internet research to fuel my own fears. I regret it and I only have myself to blame.
I went into a panic when as I was clenching my fists for muscle strength, something just didnít seem right. My pinky and ring finger, just didnít clutch in like they used to. Yes, at this point Iím looking too hard for things. I panicked, pretty much tossed myself into an anxiety attack, and went to the ER the following morning. I told them I was feeling these sensations and even mentioned ALS. They took me into the ER, gave me a CT scan of my brain, told me I was fine, nothing life threatening, and discharged me later that evening.
In the week of that (March 4th) and now, Iíve developed swallowing difficulties, my tongue is fairly inoperable, facial weakness, slight foot drops in both feet, hands are weaker, shoulders and abdominal muscles weaker, as well as lost 15lbs. Iíve begged and fought my way to doctors, nueros to see me, which I eventually did get openings.
Iíve had an MRI come up clean, my Nuero after testing me, says she doesnít suspect ALS and my reflexes were a bit brisk, but my symptoms are concerning especially the sudden weight lost and swallowing issues. I even posted on the forum in the ďDo I have ALSĒ section, describing my problems and just finding an outlet to my fears. Maybe it was all in my head. Iím just out of shape; it has to be something else. Iím way too young for this.
Yet when my hands, wrist, legs, tongue, and feet started weakening to the point I thought I was feeling the tension unravel in them, Iím terrified. That I havenít been able to eat a solid meal in 2 weeks Iím shaking here. Everything Iíve read about this says symptoms progress, but over the course of months-years even. Not days. Especially not to young adults if at all.
Iíve yet to be diagnosed, Iíve got another appointment with Mayo in the morning. And with clinical processes I suspect itíll be months before Iím ever ďconfirmedĒ with what I have. Yes, like a dummy Iíve looked up GB, CIDP, MMN, just stuff, hoping itís something else entirely; That I could be a special case when the tested and usual symptoms donít match. Iíve been praying that itís all in my head and Iíll wake up all better, able to eat, talk clearly, everything I was doing just a month ago.
Even worst, I feel like Iíve scared myself into this sickness. Because I researched, I put it inside my body.
I wish I was making this story up. I wish it were just something teenagers came up to troll people. But itís not a fabrication. Itís something thatís happening to me in a way thatís unheard of, and it has me absolutely lost and scared.
Iím not a terrible person. Iíve done all the right things. I donít drink, smoke, I go to church(occasionally), donate to charities, etc. Iíve sacrificed things in my life, with the hope that playing a safe, logical, and reserved lifestyle would return with me having a long and fruitful one.
Only to be ambushed by this in a monthís worth of time.
Again, I havenít been diagnosed, Iím still praying itís something else entirely, but everything, as far as my knowledge goes, is pointing to ALS but at the same time, itís like ďwhat else could it beĒ after doing that process of elimination.
This is moving way to fast to be ALS, it has to be something like Gullian Barre, despite that I donít have tingling or back pain.
Because if it is ALS, I donít know how to fight it. Iíve never been put up with something like this. How do I go from wondering what suit to wear to work to how many months I have to live, and a lot of them in a wheel chair state.
Iím sorry to everyone if this story seems made up, I said anything offensive, or anything of the sort. I just donít know what to do at all. I pray, I give this up to God that thisíll work out, but there is a fear in me that am killing me just as fast as these symptoms are.
Any words at all would be appreciated.