I probably should be scared, but I'm not. I am getting weaker every day and some days like today in particular sitting up to type is really wearing me down. I just had a fight with a can of peaches to open it.. It's the kind of can with the "easy open" flip top" that's great of you play pro football, but for me I feel like Olive Oil playing Popeye. I had to set it on the floor and use scissors to pry it open.
I still don't know exactly what's going on though i do have a hunch I know, but the fear just isn't there like it perhaps should be. I feel more anger at myself and frustrated about things.. I get mad at grocery stores when I have to hunt for a scooter and really mad at me when I walk halfway somewhere then realize i forgot my cane then have to walk back to get it, but I'm not afraid..I could just spit bricks when I make it to the car without my keys..
I guess I'm apprehensive about the future and how I'll deal with things if or when I can no longer get up on my own, but apprehension and fear are different things to my way of seeing them..
I'm trying really hard to keep a sense of humor, but like anyone I have my down days, but at least now I sleep a lot longer than I used to. I almost feel like a kid when I could sleep 15-18 hours at a pop and I've come close a few times lately. I seldom dream anymore and when I do I usually can't remember them and i used to dream in technicolor in real vivid images of really strange things, but now it's just simple thing like wondering where i left those keys and such IF I even remember at all..
Well..shoulder and chest are hurting here so I'll try to remember to get back here if i can. If not then thanks for reading..
Take care..
M
I still don't know exactly what's going on though i do have a hunch I know, but the fear just isn't there like it perhaps should be. I feel more anger at myself and frustrated about things.. I get mad at grocery stores when I have to hunt for a scooter and really mad at me when I walk halfway somewhere then realize i forgot my cane then have to walk back to get it, but I'm not afraid..I could just spit bricks when I make it to the car without my keys..
I guess I'm apprehensive about the future and how I'll deal with things if or when I can no longer get up on my own, but apprehension and fear are different things to my way of seeing them..
I'm trying really hard to keep a sense of humor, but like anyone I have my down days, but at least now I sleep a lot longer than I used to. I almost feel like a kid when I could sleep 15-18 hours at a pop and I've come close a few times lately. I seldom dream anymore and when I do I usually can't remember them and i used to dream in technicolor in real vivid images of really strange things, but now it's just simple thing like wondering where i left those keys and such IF I even remember at all..
Well..shoulder and chest are hurting here so I'll try to remember to get back here if i can. If not then thanks for reading..
Take care..
M
