postinganon
New member
- Joined
- Oct 27, 2009
- Messages
- 2
- Reason
- CALS
- Country
- US
- State
- US
- City
- US
I've started this post a million times, but decided against a million and one. Finally, I decided to create a second anonymous screen name so this post wouldn't be searchable using the same screen name I use everywhere on the web, including here!
My mother is the primary caregiver for my father and she is COMPLETELY overwhelmed. She tells me that she is not emotionally strong enough to handle this. She doesn't understand how others can do it and cries constantly. I really do mean constantly. She has cried at every medical appointment since diagnosis including physical therapy, speech therapy, and even during a meeting to get a modified van. She calls me several times a day in tears. She tells my dad that she can't handle his care, too.
My dad now vascillates between totally apathetic and angry bordering on aggressive (were he to have the mobility to be violent).
The dynamics in my parents' relationship is odd. They've always griped at one another for little things (enough that my preschooler points out how negative they are). Now, it's ramped up a bit. Recently, Mom was frustrated with Dad after he had asked for a few things. When he asked that the blinds be drawn, she replied, "Why don't you get up and do it yourself?" Because he can't.
I know he feels like a burdon and I know that she is totally overwhelmed. I handle making and attending all medical appointments, finding equipment, changing medication, coordinating billing, borrowing from and working with the ALS/MND groups, etc. In other words, my parents don't have to worry about the "mechanics" of the medical care. My name and number is on every record.
The problem? I'm really worried about both of them. Dad needs help with his emotional imbalance. Mom says she won't help with anything psychological because Dad refuses help and then she becomes the "bad guy" for telling him he has issues. Mom won't take time out to do anything to help her own emotional state. They argue constantly and because of the role I've taken on, I'm in the middle.
I'm stumped. I cringe each time my phone rings (5-6 x's per day from Mom). Sometimes it's while I'm at work, sometimes it's at midnight when Dad is angry because he can't sleep.
More than anything, it frustrates me that we're not only dealing with an illness, but also with insane family dynamics.
My mother is the primary caregiver for my father and she is COMPLETELY overwhelmed. She tells me that she is not emotionally strong enough to handle this. She doesn't understand how others can do it and cries constantly. I really do mean constantly. She has cried at every medical appointment since diagnosis including physical therapy, speech therapy, and even during a meeting to get a modified van. She calls me several times a day in tears. She tells my dad that she can't handle his care, too.
My dad now vascillates between totally apathetic and angry bordering on aggressive (were he to have the mobility to be violent).
The dynamics in my parents' relationship is odd. They've always griped at one another for little things (enough that my preschooler points out how negative they are). Now, it's ramped up a bit. Recently, Mom was frustrated with Dad after he had asked for a few things. When he asked that the blinds be drawn, she replied, "Why don't you get up and do it yourself?" Because he can't.
I know he feels like a burdon and I know that she is totally overwhelmed. I handle making and attending all medical appointments, finding equipment, changing medication, coordinating billing, borrowing from and working with the ALS/MND groups, etc. In other words, my parents don't have to worry about the "mechanics" of the medical care. My name and number is on every record.
The problem? I'm really worried about both of them. Dad needs help with his emotional imbalance. Mom says she won't help with anything psychological because Dad refuses help and then she becomes the "bad guy" for telling him he has issues. Mom won't take time out to do anything to help her own emotional state. They argue constantly and because of the role I've taken on, I'm in the middle.
I'm stumped. I cringe each time my phone rings (5-6 x's per day from Mom). Sometimes it's while I'm at work, sometimes it's at midnight when Dad is angry because he can't sleep.
More than anything, it frustrates me that we're not only dealing with an illness, but also with insane family dynamics.
