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lola64

Member
Joined
Oct 10, 2007
Messages
20
Diagnosis
06/2007
Country
CA
State
Newfoundland
City
St. John's
Hi everyone,
I'm here sitting at work, and feeling a little overwhelmed. Figured I'd come here to get out a few things so I don't take it out on unsuspecting co-workers!
I feel so overwhelmed with everything these days.. I feel so completely stupid at work, my mom and I are the primary caregivers for my dad... who's nowadays completely dependent on us for every little thing. I have so many mixed emotions as it is, but then to come to work everyday and my boss is harping on me for every LITTLE DETAIL, and he shakes his head and slaps my wrists for every minor little thing. I know my work hasn't been 110% focused, but I've been doing the absolute best that I can. I'm by no means a slacker, and I've done my best to not let my tumultuous personal life interfere with my work the last couple of years while dealing with all of this ALS stuff on the side.. sometimes I just want a day in bed. Just turn off everyone and everything and just take some time to get ME together. I feel awful. And I feel like the most moronic, dumbest employee ever. And I KNOW my mistakes are just errors and minor oversights, which I will fix as soon as I catch them (and I catch them most of the time before my boss ever does!) My co-workers know my situation, but I don't think they really quite 'get' what we're dealing with aside from 'my dad's sick'. I hate to wish bad things on others but I wish they could really see and feel this experience, just to know what it's all like. I'm mentally and emotionally spent.
Sorry, just had to get it out.
back to work. hope you're having good days out there! Thanks for listening:)
 
Lola-
Your post sounds like I could have written it! Dealing with ALS is so difficult that I am always distracted. I keep joking with a good friend at work that I get "stupider by the day!" The mistakes I make at work now would never have happened a few years ago. And you are right, people just don't get it. We can not leave ALS at home and concentrate on work. No matter what we do, ALS is a big part of our lives. The one good thing that I have discovered about the terrible days is that they are usually followed by good ones. I know tomorrow will be a better day for you! I wish you strength and patience!
Stephie
 
Lola -
My advice - take a mental day if you can. I know what you mean. People really don't get it. I always joke that I am catching Jim's dementia - I will literally walk into a room several times and forget what I am doing. I know we hear this a lot - but take care of you.
I found out the ALSA by us will pay for 8 hours of respite care a month. Maybe it will help with a mental day.
I am so glad I found this group if people who get it.

HANG IN THERE
 
I can relate, lola! (and I so love the name lola!)

I have what I can "distracted days." I'm there physically but not mentally. I must admit, though, that I'm very fortunate to have incredibly caring co-workers who "get it." Sadly, both of my supervisors have been through similar situations recently.

Some days, I get really annoyed with the little things at work. People get so worked up over small details that seems so trivial to me now. I get annoyed (irrationally, I realize) that people are so focused on unimportant things when there are REALLY important things wrong in the world.

I agree that a mental health day would be a good idea. That is, as long as you can take the day and truly spend some time on yourself. I know it's hard to do. Take care of yourself!
 
Sounds like you are suffering from burnout. I know what you are going through. I know how tuff it is to deal with day after day after day knowing it is only going to get worse. I can also tell you when the end comes it will leave you shell shocked. Getting used to the new kind of normal will be surreal. There will days you would give anything to be burdened again.....but, then you realize that your loved one is so much better off and that it would be selfish to keep them here at all costs. I hope you can find some kind of support to help you get through this very trying time. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy....well...maybe a child molester.
 
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