anger

[rocmg]

hi all... i just wanted to know how you cope with your pALS anger... recently mum has been lashing out, saying some very hurtful things to my dad and me. my brothers seem to get off the hook as they are barely here.. so when they do come by, it's like they're the best people in the world.

today she was showering and she wanted me in to help her... but then she just sat there on the side of the bath crying. admittedly i got a little angry with her and told her to get it together. then she started screaming at me. she would rather have a carer or go into hospice than have me look after her because then at least she'd be properly cared for. -- this was very hurtful to me since i gave up everything to be here with her.

now i'm sat here with a mix of emotions... of course i don't want to fight with her, but she is so difficult sometimes. if everyones not all sat around feeling sorry for her, she gets really angry and frustrated.

her personality has changed so much. in many ways, i think i've lost her already. she is seeing no pleasure in life and wishes every day that she was dead.

 

[thelma313]

rocmg, is she on any sort of antidepressants? If she isn't I strongly recommend that she gets a prescription for some as soon as possible.

Clearly this is a case of emotional lability. My dad has it too but it's weird, with my dad he only had outbursts of anger before his diagnosis and then afterward, he just had a lot of crying. He couldn't control it and was a little embarrassed by it, so he eventually gave in and started taking some antidepressants which have helped him a lot.

You have to know that she is not really angry at you but I know how hurt you must feel all the same. I am so sorry that you are going through that since as you say you gave up your life in NYC to be home with her and it's obvious how much you love your mother.

 

[Zaphoon]

ROCMG (sounds kind of cavemany),

I agree with Thelma. Your mum's personality has been effected by the disease. As tough as it may be, try not to take her outbursts personally. If she isn't on any medication to help control the lability, it would be good to check into some.

I am sorry you are experiencing all of this. My heart goes out to you for all you are doing for your mother.

Zaphoon

 

[joelc]

My heart goes out to you too! I can only echo what has already been said. She needs to get on some Emotional Lability meds and life will immediately get better for the both of you. Sounds like a quick doctors appointment is in order.

 

[Katie C]

Add my name to the list of those asking about anti-depressents. Glen's issue is actually LACK of emotional response, but the meds are clearly helping. He even asked me if he had "plenty left" indicating to me that he can feel the difference and likes it.

 

[rocmg]

thanks for all your input. i had thought it was emotional liability, then i thought maybe dementia, she seems to really believe the insults she hurls out. today she told my dad that she wished she had never met him and that he was the cause of her MND. she has been saying such things with alarming regularity. of course, my parents relationship hasn't been all plain sailing -- but how many couples to you know that could work together, live together -- and stay together for over 30 years? well, she keeps telling him he was the biggest mistake she ever made and that she hates him, in no uncertain terms. he has cried everyday this week. i will definitely put an appointment on with our GP to see about emotional liability meds. hopefully she will agree to taking them... when dad suggested she tried sleeping tablets to help her sleep at night she said they were more for his benefit than hers, so that he wouldn't have to be bothered with her.

seems like we've been having a particularly rough patch... thanks for listening you guys!

 

[joelc]

The rough patches don't seem to last long. She likely does not like the way she is either so it is only a matter of waiting it out until she agrees to take some medication. At least that is the way it was for me and most people I know of. I pray the same for you!

As a matter of clarification, it is Emotional Lability, not Liability. Although I agree it really tends to be a liability! LOL

 

[Katie C]

You might also see if your Dad is in need of some depression meds.. poor guy has got to be hurting a lot.

 

[thelma313]

Let's hope that this rough patch does not last long at all. In the meantime, you should get that appointment for you mum to get an antidepressant like fluoxetine, which seems to work quite well for my dad. He doesn't cry as much at all. I'm sure, like Joel said, that your mum doesn't enjoy being that way either.

My heart goes out to you and your dad. Your poor dad! Please give him a big huge hug. We're all rooting for you and your family.

 

[BethU]

rocmg ... That is so hard to deal with, and it must be tearing you and your dad apart.

I am sure that these emotions are not your mother's true feelings. Even though I'm on EL meds, I find that sometimes I wake up in a fury ... over nothing! ... it's just free-floating anger, and my husband's the only target around, so I have a big blow-up at him with my LightWriter over some imagined fault. Fortunately, he can't understand the LightWriter when I go too fast, and I also mis-type things badly when I'm upset, so he just sits and looks at me puzzled while I pound the keys and hit the "speak" button over and over. Then suddenly it's over, like a cloud has passed, and I wonder what the heck I was doing and start apologizing ...

This seems the craziest part of the disease. Isn't it bad enough that our families have to carry us through this, but we have to emotionally abuse them too?

Meds can help your mom ... and your dad, too. I'm going to ask if the neuro can strengthen mine at my next clinic visit.

Hang in there ... and bless you for helping your mom through this hard passage.

 

[pamnandy]

Beth, the description of your anger fit Andy to a "T." He would be the same way, in a state of free floating anger. I typically was the target, and was also the recipient of many apologies

Roc....I'm sorry you are having to go through this. I know some PALS seem to really have it tough climbing out of their rage. I'm echoing everyone else. Meds, ASAP. The tough part is getting her to take them. It took the ALS nurse at the clinic to talk Andy into taking his. Once on them, he felt SO much better.

Love to all,
Pam

 

[brooksea]

Lexapro has helped my husband with his anger and the laughing/crying outbursts. It seemed to help very quickly.

I hope your mum will be open to taken an anti-depressant and your family can be at relative peace. Like the others indicated, your dad may benefit with medication also.

It does break your heart when things are said and you can't imagine where on earth they dug it up from. But hopefully this will get better for you with help.

 

[Ronelle]

rocmg,

I am sorry that you are hurting so much. I just pray that I never become confused like that and hurt my family (cares for me) like that. Although you know she does not mean what she says,it hurts like hell.

 

[rocmg]

thank you all for your comments and insight!

sometimes i think i let my anger and frustration get the better of me too, so mum is not the only one at fault. i think the most difficult thing about this is feeling like i've lost her a little bit already -- this whole ALS thing has destroyed her personality. mum was always highly strung, but she was never vindictive. i guess her anger sadness and frustration is just so intense that it bubbles over the edge frequently. i'm seeing the GP at the beginning of next week so hopefully she can suggest something good. i still am inclined to try and pay out of pocket and in advance for that med that a few of you were in the clinical trial for -- i asked the pharmacist at the local hospital if they could make up the med for mum... but the pharmacist said compounding pharmacies are more of an American thing -- not much done here in the UK.

 

[joelc]

As you know, Emotional Lability is a symptom of ALS and the person has absolutely no control over it. It is not a case of frustration or anger being intense. I have never taken medication for anything my whole life and I have always been able to control my emotions and reactions to outside events. Not now! I could not believe I could not control this, but I had to start taking medication for it and after the first pill everything was back to normal. Please don't think she has any control over this because she doesn't. I had to start taking Citalopram. It worked for me.