Compassion, where did it go?

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shelly2612

Distinguished member
Joined
Aug 31, 2008
Messages
119
Reason
CALS
Diagnosis
09/2008
Country
US
State
Ohio
City
Waterloo
I posted on another thread about compassion. I thought this might be a good question for us all to ponder on. I am 43 and I remember when a family in our neighborhood was down and out that a group of women and men would gather food and other items they could use and take it to them. When a loved one passed there would be food galore, and people asking "How can I help you" and meaning it, not just saying the words. What ever happened to being able to say "I love you" to a friend or neighbor that helped out in a time of need. I know some will think these are silly questions but the truth is, compassion is gone or mostly gone. We are all so caught up in the world that we don't take the time to help those around us. It seems it takes a tragedy or an illness like ALS before we can pull together and show compassion for one another. Just some rambling on my part. If you can figure it out, please let me know, because I am at a loss.
 
Hi Shelly,

I agree wholeheartedly. I believe it's a sign of the times. As far as pulling together with the tragedy of ALS, I saw a supposedly close family fall apart. When my wife got her diagnosed, for the most part it was rats deserting a sinking ship! Our daughter decided to leave and go to Florida to live with her biological mother. My sister-in-law, who lived four blocks away was relatively LITTLE help. She was VERY resentful. So it was my wife and I alone. She had home health care and hospice when I was at work, but after I got off, it was she and I alone. We weren't really alone. God strengthened us, but you know what I mean. Now that she's gone, they've more or less took the attitude, "Well Dad needs help now that he's alone." Just a tad late... but I love them all still.

Compassion came to us in the form of angel. A lady from our church would come in three nights during the week so I could go in the back bedroom and get a full eight hours sleep. It really helped!

Please don't give up though... there is compassion out there. When you least expect it... who knows who your angel will be?

I am praying for you and your family...

God bless you,

Greg

For I desire mercy and not sacrifice,
And the knowledge of God more than burnt offerings. Hosea 6:6
 
great post

Greg

Your post was wonderful. So very very sorry about your loss of your wife but glad that you have a good relationship with the One that will always sustain us and give us hope.

In this world you are right, there are angels in our midst, we just need to look for them sometimes.

One of my hardest lessons has been to "ASK" for help. I have always been hard to take a compliment and never to take a helping hand, until ALS reared its ugly head. Now I am humbled when people ask or tell "ME" how good I am doing through all this with my husband's disease. The truth is, I was pretty much spoiled by him for at least 33 years of our married life and now it is my turn to spoil him. Truly, he is a joy to care for. Always grateful, always thankful and kind. Guess I am still spoiled, huh?

Take care of yourself.

Patty
 
Patty,
You are certainly blessed and a blessing! :smile:
 
Compassion has been dwindling since the early 70's. That was the beginning of the me me me era. What was once the rule has become the exception. Our values have gone south.....as has our youth. Such is this earthly life.
 
Hi Patty,
I have also been blessed with a good husband. He is very appreciative of all the things I do for him.

When I read some of these posts about how difficult some spouses can be I am so grateful. Bev
 
Shelly

Read some of my post's. That is one of my major complaints with people. Especially Family and Friends. So called!

Lorie
 
To ALL OF THE ABOVE:

This is the exact reason I came to this site. I am a new caregiver to a woman who's had this for 5 years. The other caregivers HAVE NO COMPASSION! They talk terrable to her, while leaving her on herback flat, telling her she should appreciate them and not be so NEEDY! What is wrong with people? I just got into this field of caregiving and feel there is a reason why I was put together with this lady. My goal DAILY is to make her as happy and as comfortable as I can. I hope I can find some support and answers in the near future.

thanks,
suzy
 
To ALL OF THE ABOVE:

This is the exact reason I came to this site. I am a new caregiver to a woman who's had this for 5 years. The other caregivers HAVE NO COMPASSION! They talk terrable to her, while leaving her on herback flat, telling her she should appreciate them and not be so NEEDY! What is wrong with people? I just got into this field of caregiving and feel there is a reason why I was put together with this lady. My goal DAILY is to make her as happy and as comfortable as I can. I hope I can find some support and answers in the near future.

thanks,
suzy
you reap what you sow
 
Shelly, Patti, Greg, Kylisa, Beverly,& Suzy,
I understand where you are all coming from. I just joined this community a few moments ago.
First I am truly sorry for your loss and all of you who are suffering with this disease whether you have it yourself or are caretakers.
ALS took my Uncle from me and rocked me to my core.
I've been through a lot and seen what cancer and heart disease can do to people, but I have never seen anything like this.
I lost my dear Uncle to this dreadful disease almost 3 years ago and it forever changed me.
Today would have been his birthday! Happy Birthday Uncle John!
When we found out he has ALS we were all confused at first and then devestated.
His form was so aggressive that it took him in just 6 months from the day he was diagnosed. Looking back it was a blessing I guess.
Just prior to his diagnosis my Aunt and Uncle moved one street over from me, (prior to that they were about a 1/2 hour away)
They are like a second set of parent to me and my Uncle was one of my best friends, and confidants. We laughed together every day. I miss him more than you can imagine even though I know his spirit is with me.
My Aunt was not physically able to care for him, so I did the best I could along with a home health aid until it got to the point where we could no longer lift him and we had to put him in a nursing home, which was a nightmare.
I work from home and make my own hours. I made the decision to take 4 months off of work to help care for my Uncle.
Now he has a son, and a daughter in law who have no children.
I have 2 children, a husband, a house to take care of, and a long standing 15 year career in the same field that I left behind for a short while.
I chose to make my Uncle my priority because it was clear that my time with him was limited and I knew I'd never get it back.
That was the best decision I've ever made in this lifetime other than to have children with my loving husband.
I also knew that my Aunt wasn't going to be able to do it on her own not only physically, but emotionally.
Her son was there for sure, but not daily, and not in the way that I was.
My Aunt and Uncle thanked me constantly. I didn't do it for the thanks.
I did it because it was the only thing I knew how to do. I couldn't imagine doing anything else. I know my cousin appreciated it, but he never verbalized it, and I'll tell you right now that hurt.
It hurt very much when at my Uncles funeral he acknowledged his wife as the one who was always there for his father and not me.
We can't change the hand we are delt in life, the only thing we can do is control how we react to it.
I choose to beleive that my cousin is still dealing with his own grief (which is obviously true) and I let it go.
I have also decided to channel my own grief into something positive so I'm sponsoring a fundraiser for ALS this summer and donating the proceeds to the ALS Association in my Uncles name.
My cousin has asked me to keep my Uncles name out of all the advertising and just donate the money in his name quietly after the fact. Again, yet another dis.
I don't know why and I don't care.
This is part of my healing process, and I'm doing it my way. I will respect his wishes, but I plan to highly publicize this event so that people know about it and will attend so that I can raise as much money as possible towards finding a cure.
WOW did I just vent. Guess I needed that.
The fundraiser if anyone is in the area will be in Manchester NH on 8-8-09 check out [ufor details.
 
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I took out the link because while we do allow fundraising messages, that company was so far out in left field, if I allowed it I'd be shirking my duty here to keep this site clean from charlatans and scammers.
I checked and this company is yours. Shame on you. Riding on your dead uncles ALS to try to advertise here.

AL.
 
I am offended and hurt by your comment. I thought this was a community where I would find support. I was wrong!
My website may be out in left field to you, but it's something that has brought me peace since loosing my Uncle and several other family members.
This fundraiser is something I am as part of my own healing proccess, and out of the goodness out of my heart, because I don't want anyone to have to go through what my Uncle did.
I am using all of my own personal money to fund it.
I have worked very hard to partner with people in my community to have services donated for this event and taken much time to do so.
I will make no money from this, and neither will the person who is performing the service.
Everything is being donated, so I would never and have never ridden on my dead uncles anything. Shame on you for such harmful and hurtful comments. I wonder if you even have the guts to post this.
Since he was diagnosed I have done nothing but try to help the ALS community and of course my Uncle specifically.
I dedicated 4 months of my life to him and making things a good as I could for him in his final days.

I everyone to know that any and all monies raise from this fundraiser will be donated to the MA Chapter for ALS which is helping me advertise this fundraiser. If I were a charlatan would they support me.
I've already personally raised over 3K each year for the past 2 years in the Walk to D'Feet ALS
I wanted to do something more. So I decided to do this.
They know me and know that I am more than reputable, more than just a good person.
So again shame on you for being so judgemental just because it's something you don't embrace or understand, doesn't mean there is something wrong with it.
The only reason I didnt set the company (which is a small side business which evolved out of the fundraiser) as a non-profit is because I couldn't afford the lawyers and the cost to do so.
I wish you all the best, and send you many blessings even you Al. I have a feeling you need them.
 
Stick to your guns Al.

Its not a good day until you piss at least one person off ! :p
 
I don't care that you omitted the site for info about the fundraiser. That doesn't matter to me.
I understand it. The fact is my little side business is something I wouldn't have understood myself 3 years ago, so I get that part.
It's something I added to my comment because I'm excited and I feel good about doing the right thing.

I do care that you personally attacked me, because that I do not deserve. No one does. I apoligise if I attacked you in retaliation.

I joined this site for support because I still hurt. That hurt is what brought about the idea for the fundraiser, turning a negative into something positive.

Here's the thing Glen, Al didn't piss me off. So sorry to disapoint you.
I don't let people or their ignorange piss me off, I find it a waste of energy. I used to, but I've changed. I've realized that life is too short for that bologna.
BUT (and I'm humbled to admit this) he did hurt me a lot. That normally doesn't happen. It kind of shocked me.
Reading the words "riding on your dead Uncles ALS" really shook me because he was my everything, and he champoined me.
No ones cruel words can ever take away from that bond.
The fact is he would be proud of me for doing this.
Again, if you read my post you would see that I'm not even using his name to promote this fundraiser.
I'm just going to donate the money quietly in his name after the fact. I'm simply promoting it as A BENEFIT FOR ALS.

I hope that the 5K -6K I hope to raise that evening benefits each and every one of you or your loved ones in some way.
It may not be much, and you may not like the way I'm raising it (having a psychic medium give readings) but every dollar raised is another dollar toward finding a cure.
 
Hi Acarroll,

I'm sorry to hear about your Uncle! It is hard and I'm praying for you!

I've not been a member of this site very long, but I have learned one thing from personal experience!

Don't post links to or from other sites here. They are not well received no matter how sincere you are. My advice... read the posts of the caregivers and encourange and support them. I've found that is the best way to help on this site being a caregiver or
former caregiver. Continue to share any wisdom you had in taking care of your Uncle!

Don't let them run you off and don't bring yourself to the level of attacking back! Although they have a ALS, that doesn't give them the right to "piss someone off at least once a day!" Let it go... just let it go.

There are people here who care about you! Am I alone in this people?

God bless you,

Greg
 
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