rictak in IA
Active member
- Joined
- Nov 9, 2011
- Messages
- 52
- Country
- US
- State
- Iowa
- City
- ruthven
7 1/2 years its been now. from a slight tingle in her left foot to total paralysis took roughly 2 years. very slow decline since then, really where do you decline to? her breathing is compromised, but O2 levels stay up with nightly use of the bi-pap.
If it was just us, I'd probably suck it up and see the whole thing through, but she's 44, I'm 48 and the kids are 14, and 7. I'm done being only half a father to them, I'm done missing games because someone needs to be with mom, I'm done trying to make a living working 20-25 hrs a week around the hired girl and the hospice schedule.
Tomorrow I take the first steps toward finding her a care facility nearby. All I ever wanted was to keep her comfortable and let her die in her own bed, in her own home, but I don't have it in me anymore. The bedsores have won, my depression has won, my exhaustion, her crying, 2 hours of ritual at bedtime, constant pity looks... They all won, and I failed. I wish I could at least ****ing cry about it, but I don't even have that anymore. I'm just done.
If it was just us, I'd probably suck it up and see the whole thing through, but she's 44, I'm 48 and the kids are 14, and 7. I'm done being only half a father to them, I'm done missing games because someone needs to be with mom, I'm done trying to make a living working 20-25 hrs a week around the hired girl and the hospice schedule.
Tomorrow I take the first steps toward finding her a care facility nearby. All I ever wanted was to keep her comfortable and let her die in her own bed, in her own home, but I don't have it in me anymore. The bedsores have won, my depression has won, my exhaustion, her crying, 2 hours of ritual at bedtime, constant pity looks... They all won, and I failed. I wish I could at least ****ing cry about it, but I don't even have that anymore. I'm just done.