Changes and progression

[Erika]

My mom has been progressing. She's more fatigued, sleeps more, speaking is hard and saliva gets in the way. I don't mean to be too descriptive but her stools are runny and smell different since last night. Also, she feels full real quick into her feedings some days. So we're back to 3 cans, sometimes 2, almost never 4 a day. Should we be concerned or are we just panicking?

My sister and I want to think she could be just bored or sad that she can't join in conversations the way she used too, and that maybe that's why she sleeps more. That the mucus and secretions and hot tea she swallows are what's making her stools smell different. But there is also a nagging feeling that she may have turned a corner and the beginning of the end is coming.

I've started looking into different mortuaries after realizing there is way more to choose and prepare, and finances to get in order then I expected . Also getting things sorted out back home where her final resting place will be, and making sure all forms and the logistics are set for flying home with mom's remains.

I thought hospice was a difficult next step....

-Erika

 

[lgelb]

Sorry to hear about your mom's progression, Erika. And you're right, sometimes it's hard to make out the chicken vs. the egg. It's always wise to have things in order, and to have said and done what you have wanted to.

Best,
Laurie

 

[Atsugi]

Erika, I'm a little concerned about what you didn't say. Apparently, final arrangements and financial/legal matters are not yet finished.

Of course, it is difficult to tackle those things. First, it's paperwork--and nobody likes that. Second, it's about losing your mom--and nobody likes that. And third, it's getting into your mom's privacy--and she might not like that at all!

But there are two benefits to doing a very thorough job with the financial and legal affairs. First, it will keep you busy, which helps pass the time. And second, it will give everyone peace of mind, knowing the survivors are going to have few administrative problems at the end and later on.

My mom refused to consider the reality of her passing and her husband's passing. As a result, both times we had to run, hurry, quick, make decisions, look for papers, and hope we got things straight. It took us two years to distribute the estate. In fact, I'm not sure we had a chance to bury her--she might have been sold in the estate sale!

Kidding aside--it's important to find all the account numbers and get an elder care or estate attorney involved. We had to ransack every closet and look in every shoe box for days.

By contrast, I was able to plan every aspect of my wife's passing. Yet, I still didn't get it all done right. In the end, I missed a $50 IRA and there MIGHT still be a few thousand in a federal retirement account. Also, early on, I didn't follow up to ensure a fax was received by a government agency, and now we cannot get that benefit. $10,000 is gone forever. Yikes!

Google the subject with several different phrases to find all the possible considerations, make a huge checklist and get on it. You will all be very glad you did.

 

[Erika]

Ha! No kidding Mike! These legal matters are something else. Most things are done though. Just just need to make sure we know where the paper work is like you said, and that all all the t's are crosses and the i's dotted as the y say. And then there is the financial and logistics of the funeral/memorial, cremation and mom's final resting place. I've gotten 2 very different amounts, and I'm going to see a few more this week. Wells see.

Thank you for the advice, ideas and sense of humor you guys!
-Erika

Lol after re reading this post I realized maybe most things aren't done, but we're getting there!