- Joined
- Jul 25, 2015
- Messages
- 1,606
- Reason
- CALS
- Diagnosis
- 07/2015
- Country
- US
- State
- tx
- City
- Dallas
I have been catching up on posts tonight. I am now sitting here in tears and have to write my own post.
I wanted Christmas to go by and just get over. I rung in the New Year with my best friend and was so heartbroken when the clock struck midnight. My imagination/fears are haunting my every waking moment.
Steve is changing before my very eyes. We are on this nightmare trip. I feel utterly sad and just so very angry...thinking " how do our PALS do this" I know Steve is also afraid and thinking about the future. That is a big change and another fear for me. Its so damn messed up... how this disease is so rare but the destruction it causes is cruel and massive.
I find myself looking into my future more than I should be. I keep imagining trying to move on and spend the rest of my life without Steve.
There will be so many changes...even after Steve takes his final stand... against the thief. These changes are frightening. Selling our home, all our memories, and trying to live with some kind of hope. I can't imagine not being able to share my dreams and thoughts with Steve.
I am so afraid of the future. I do my very best to stay in the moment for Steve but...late at night when its all quiet...my monsters and fears come out to play their games with me. I know we all go on...but what is left of us? I certainly have less years ahead than I do behind. Did ALS steal my future to?
Fear of the New Year. Never thought I would be saying that. I guess I should take something to help me sleep. The Sun will shine again tomorrow.
I wanted Christmas to go by and just get over. I rung in the New Year with my best friend and was so heartbroken when the clock struck midnight. My imagination/fears are haunting my every waking moment.
Steve is changing before my very eyes. We are on this nightmare trip. I feel utterly sad and just so very angry...thinking " how do our PALS do this" I know Steve is also afraid and thinking about the future. That is a big change and another fear for me. Its so damn messed up... how this disease is so rare but the destruction it causes is cruel and massive.
I find myself looking into my future more than I should be. I keep imagining trying to move on and spend the rest of my life without Steve.
There will be so many changes...even after Steve takes his final stand... against the thief. These changes are frightening. Selling our home, all our memories, and trying to live with some kind of hope. I can't imagine not being able to share my dreams and thoughts with Steve.
I am so afraid of the future. I do my very best to stay in the moment for Steve but...late at night when its all quiet...my monsters and fears come out to play their games with me. I know we all go on...but what is left of us? I certainly have less years ahead than I do behind. Did ALS steal my future to?
Fear of the New Year. Never thought I would be saying that. I guess I should take something to help me sleep. The Sun will shine again tomorrow.