Resisting therapy

[Manhattanite]

Hello all, I don't post here often but I have been a member of this community since last year. Some friends and family have asked if I have considered going to therapy to help me deal with my partner's ALS but I keep resisting.

I had a major depressive episode in 1999 and went through a couple of years of therapy and antidepressants back then but the entire experience left me with a bad taste in my mouth. I have been therapy and medication free for over a decade - I feel that the episode gave me the tools to deal with events that could cause depression.

I think that I am doing ok. The way I see it, sadness and anticipatory grief are normal and I still go about my life. I feel that our culture has such an aversion to sadness (the pursuit of happiness and all that) but as long as it is not incapacitating, sadness has its place in life. Exercise has been my life saver and that along with creative hobbies are what keeps me sane. I have friends and family spread out through the globe and if I need to vent they are always available via Texting, Skype, Facebook, Snapchat or even Instagram, so I never feel isolated.

But part of me wonders if therapy is something I should consider as a preparation for what is to come. I don't know if my "tools" will suffice to deal with the loss of my partner and a new reality. And yet another part of me prefers the "wait and see" approach and seek therapy if and when I really need it.

I am curious to hear other CALS' experience with counseling or therapy. Did you find it helped? Or did you feel it was useless? Did you resist it? Did you try it during the course of the illness or did you start afterwards?

 

[lgelb]

Hi, NYC, I don't consider it "resisting" but rather doing what is or is not right for you. I've never had therapy or antidepressants. But both have helped some here, as in any other group that you might find. If you feel you have the tools to deal from your past, feel supported at the moment and want to wait to see if you need more help, who could quarrel with that? If any choice is yours, it is that one.

Best,
Laurie

 

[affected]

I don't know about 'therapy' but I saw a counsellor while caring for Chris and for some time after.

First you need someone you trust and 'click' with. Then you can have those sessions to really talk about how this is all impacting on you, and work on strategies to cope well.

For me, I found it was the only time I really thought about things from the 'me' side, because I was just running all the time to keep up with everything on a day-to-day basis. It was really beneficial for me. At the end of our first session, my counsellor said to me - I can't fix any of this, but I do know how to walk the journey with someone. That was exactly what he did, and exactly what I needed. He never judged me on anything I felt, just helped me examine it and deal with it.

So I would encourage you to find someone that can give you that kind of support.

It is never any kind of indication of being a lesser person, or a weak person, to take advantage of every kind of support you need. Never let anyone minimise what is happening - this is as big as it gets!

I also took antidepressants. Not because I felt sad, I really like the points you made on that! Because I felt there was a constant screaming in the back of my head. The meds stopped that for me. I still felt every emotion, but I wasn't just screaming anymore. Well not constantly, only screaming inside in reaction to stuff as it happened.

You are very clued on to your feelings as a result of having had to deal so deeply with them before. This will indeed be a strength for you now.

I'm thinking that you could spend the time now to find someone who you feel will work well with you. Just start seeing them at wider intervals and build that relationship and have that person 'up to speed'. I know that the whole first session for me was explaining what bulbar onset ALS is, what it does, and some background on us.

But it has to feel 'right' for you, whatever you do. 'Going to a therapist' needs to be something you are into, not something you think you'd better do You are already well on top of understanding that of course.

Well that was my experience, I hope it helps.