Hates me??

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Tracy500

Active member
Joined
Jan 28, 2015
Messages
57
Reason
CALS
Diagnosis
06/2014
Country
US
State
Wi
City
Madison
He said he hates me now. He's mad about me not wanting to have sex with him. One It don't work anyway, two, he is completely paralyzed and my patient. And he don't care that it makes me uncomfortable.,so instead he rather leave, but where's he gonna go? He wants to move out, fine. But he said he hates me after all these 10 years. I just shut his door and walked out.
 
Good for you! You should not subject yourself to abuse of anykind. You will need to live your life when his journey is over and emotional baggage can be devistating.
Am I wrong to suggest spending time with friends who will uplift you as much as possible.
Good Luck!
 
Tracy, this may or may not help, but here's something I have done:

Where I used to work, I was the person that angry patients were referred to. A dozen times a day, when I would say "Hello. May I help you?" the patients instantly opened up the conversation with cursing, screaming, and sometimes insulting me personally. They often demanded things that were impossible. Some of those patients were mentally ill. Two of them, I saw in their records, were actually diagnosed as "Homicidal. Do not be alone with this patient."

I knew there was nothing wrong with me. I had done nothing wrong. So I considered their words and attitudes to be symptoms of what was wrong with them. They were giving me clues as to how to help them.

Your husband has some serious problems. You've done nothing wrong. His insults and angry words are symptoms of his problem. Try not to take it personally if you can.
 
Ok but today is a new day and he will be mean I already know it. What if he wants to move out? There is nowhere for him to go anyway. I'm glad we have clinic tomorrow. And today his mother is coming
 
Have you tried deflecting his mean attitude with kindness? Tell him he is hurting you but you love him and want things to be better.

Talk to his providers at clinic and maybe they will have some suggestions.

You have to remember that his disease is behind his attitude. I'm not saying it is right but that's what it is.
 
I strongly agree with Kim. I am sure he doesn't hate you and its the disease he hates. You are the person who is there everyday so unfortunately you are the victim of his rage. I do not think you should take his abuse but maybe you can catch him in a decent mood and tell him how you feel.

A few months back I felt that Steve was taking his anger out on me and I let him know I lived him and would be there for him. I also let him know that I would not accept his anger towards me. It worked and he has been very careful since. I still have moments where I think the live we shafted for so long is gone but at times I think it's a two way street. My walls are also up.
 
It's hard to say Kim and scared, if you read all Tracy's threads she says he has always been abusive.

I just don't understand the systems over there to know how you can best get help. I think you need help as much as he does as it is impacting so deeply on you.

If he wants to move out I would be cheering, maybe you can suggest he leave with his mother, maybe even insist?
 
I apologize for not knowing the facts. No one has to put up with abuse for any reason. If he was abusive before he was sick then it's not getting any better. Maybe he will be less abusive with his mom.
 
Ahh don't apologise scared, just wanted to fill that in as I have less stress than current CALS and tend to whizz back and check other posts to remind myself who's who in the zoo ;)
 
No Worries Tillie. My ex-husband was abusive. It started with verbal abuse and stayed that way for years. I lost a lot of confidence but the first time it got physical I left, went to counseling and took back my independence . I am not a fan of any kind of abuse and did not have all my facts on this thread.

I suggest finding a therapist, friends or someone who can help you figure out what is best for you. He is very lucky to have you there to help him. If reminding him that you will not take his abuse doesn't work than you have a right to make changes. This horrible disease takes enough from us and will have lasting affects so adding abuse will make it totally unbearable.
 
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