Sometimes I really HATE that chair...

[Nuts]

Hubby decided that I needed practice and instruction on pulling the 6x12 trailer behind his truck today--especially backing up and down hills and curves. Practice I was ok with, some instruction is ok, but he kept darting around the truck and trailer as I backed down the street, telling me over and over again EXACTLY how far I needed to turn the wheel and in what direction. And that was just the beginning. I kept telling him to get AWAY from the truck and stay where I could see him, and he kept running circles around me. I swear the next time he does that I'm pulling the plug on that new motor and leaving him stranded until I'm done.

Or maybe I'll drive the damn thing into the garage tonight after he goes to sleep and leave it there.

Or drive into into that damn trailer and lock it in.

We're fine now. It's amazing how we can be absolutely furious one second, and then one of us makes a joke and we're both rolling in laughter.

Now he explains that he's worried about me pulling the trailer over two mountain ranges, one in West Virgina and then the Rockies. I told him those were foothills in West Virginia. Oh yes, this is going to be a WONDERFUL three weeks.

Maybe I'll move the sleeping pill to the morning section of the pill box.

With luck, at the end of this trip he'll have more confidence in my ablilty to take care of myself and his darling truck.

Here's the conundrum: he needs to be needed, but he wants me to be ready to face the world without him. If I ever pass muster, what does that leave him in terms of being needed? Teaching and planning are how he contributes. Will I ever do things right? If I do, can he say so or will there always be something more to tweak? Honestly, I TRIED to be patient, but I have my limits.

I think I'll just blame it all on the chair. Two chairs is why we need the trailer. The chair lets him follow me when I just want to be left alone to get the job done. And the chair represents the real issue. The real pain. The real reason for my tears.

Yup, I'm going to blame it on the chair.

 

[Atsugi]

>>> Maybe I'll move the sleeping pill to the morning section of the pill box.

Thanks for a belly laugh!

You describe a typical man. Telling people to be independent, and then micromanaging them.
Honestly, he's just trying to reassure himself that you'll be OK. I'm sure you know he does it out of love.

That reminds me. Each day, when I overhear men speaking to their wives at lunch tables, it makes me wonder just how women can put up with so much bullshit and still smile. I apologize for my sub-species.

 

[gooseberry]

Nuts, I am so with you. Steve is always giving me driving instructions...speed up,slow down, change lanes, back up further....well I took his advice and now we have a smallish dent in the back corner of the new van. So now everytime we get in it, I wheel him by it and my number of directions are a lot less.

I certainly don't want Steve to not feel needed but really they just make you nuts sometimes! Pun intended

 

[Nuts]

Steph, now you know why I picked Nuts for my name!

Mike, yes, I know he does it out of love, but thank you for the reassurance. That knowledge is how we get through those lunches you describe Seriously, the wonderful far outweighs the other stuff, but it's good to vent now and then.

 

[cheerleader]

Thanks for the smiles and laughter today! And Mike, love your honesty about the male species!
But have to tell you, I MISS being told how to drive, which route I need to take, how to load the dishwasher CORRECTLY, exactly how many seconds to heat the cat's food (heaven forbid her deli turkey 5 o'clock treat be served cold!). Okay- maybe I don't miss those things TOO much, but I do miss him thinking I'm listening to his directions! And Nuts, sure he does feel like he is taking care of you. So keep pretending to be incompetent- maybe he'll stay around longer! Love you guys! Donna

 

[scaredwifetx]

Nuts- oh how you made me laugh tonight. You do need to know that I am totally exhausted from moving furniture and packing up rooms to get ready for the remodel. So a laugh is not easy to come by. Laughing is truly treasured right now. My Steve is always telling me how to do everything. Driving, cooking and anything that I am now doing that he once done. endless micro- managing. I am pretty sure he does not think I can do anything around the house and worries that I won't survive. He looks so shocked when I finally blow my stack and rebel. Ahh... I guess I will put up with it as I know how important taking care of me is to him. I have learned from the beginning of our relationship if I don't want to do something to do it wrong and I will never have to worry about it again. Miss those days as he barely has the strength to boss me around while I am doing everything.

 

[Nuts]

[/I]also WANT him to take care of me. I've never felt so safe in my life as I have for the past 21 years. He is my dream come true, and I don't want to let that slip away. Sometimes I fear that I'll do him a diservice by waiting too long to take some things over. Ah, what a journey we are on. I don't know which of us is being taught the hardest lesson: him-that there ARE things in his life that he can't overcome, or me-that finally trusting someone is not enough. That that was not the great concession. That I've been lazy in allowing him to care for me and now I'm forced to step up again.

I'm glad you laughed tonight! Packing up the house is no small feat, and doing it while caring for a PALS would be exhausting. There just aren't enough minutes in a day to get very far at any job.

All that screaming I did should result in something more positive than food for the neightborhood dog walk gossip chain. I say that with love. We live in a rural area and neighbors often see each other, and exchange news, only when taking their daily walks. I learned on a recent walk that some of our neighbors are worried about Matt getting hit by a speeding car. I got a flag for his chair, like the one Max uses, but he isn't thrilled. I also learned that the tree trimming I saw one neighbor do in an area that made no sense was an attempt to keep Matt safe. The embankment is very steep and that can only be seen now that the trees and shrubs are cut. Oh hell, if I gave them a topic of conversation, I guess it's the least I can do! That reminds me--I need to email our daughter and let her know we are ok. By now she's probably alerted the other three, so I'd better do some damage control before they start planning an intervention.

 

[affected]

I'm SO relieved that this was a big laugh as I really thought by the title it was another spill!

 

[4tloml]

Geez, Nuts, first you had me laughing, then you had me crying, then laughing again. I can't be waiting this late to sign on.

What great perspective you have, and such a great love. It's a blessing just to witness through your posts. Looking forward to some sidesplitting stories on your return! And pictures, too!

 

[Gembead]

I also had a good laugh, thanks, I think we all think these things, but no matter what we love our boys to bits.
Love Gem

 

[zoohouse]

Nuts you could write a column. I know exactly where you are at, and could laugh with you and rage with you.
Tonight just too tire and sore to get very excited over anything.
Paulette

 

[Nuts]

Paulette, I used to love to write; it was how I vented and worked through things--before REAL pain came into my life. Dealing with my mom's first broken hip and a very difficult time with her husband, who passed sortly after, for some reason shut me down. Matt's ALS has been even worse. I think of things I'd like to write, but when my fingers hit the keyboard my mind went blank. It didn't matter whether I was online or writing just for myself. I think--I hope--that something has broken the log jam. I also hope that fatigue doesn't rob my fingers of their voice again.

Gem, I am amazed at how much alike our guys seems to be. The very things we love about them sometimes make us the craziest!

4tloml, I really hope I have the energy to post while on the trip. I'm starting to tire just thinking about everything I have to pack (as you might imagine, the list gets longer by the day). I'm thinking lap blankets for him as the temps drop and he's thinking long johns and snow suits. I think we all know what a danger all of that will pose. Oh well, it's gotta happen sometime! It is a pleasure to see him getting so excited, however. I hadn't realized how much he'd lost until I saw him start to come alive in anticipation. He looks years younger.

Tillie, I'm so sorry I had you worried! Actually, I saw, for the first time ever, a look of sheer terror on my sweetie's face a couple of days ago. He had been inthe trailer inspecting my work (mounting brackets for straps) and didn't tilt the chair back far enough before heading down the ramp. I caught the back of his chair just as he was about to do another face plant--this one his doing. Nope, there's never a dull moment around here!

We're off to clinic today. Our kids must be over the novelty, because no one has clamored to go with us

 

[DreamsEnd]

I'm going to use your line, "I hate that chair!" Now if you get instructions on how to wipe his butt......because I do, plus all the rest.

Sherry

 

[zoohouse]

My husband rarely ever gives me driving tips even though he drove an 18 wheeler for over 25 years, because a.) I have scared him into silence on these icy mountainous roads. b.) He knows it will make me drive faster c.)I wash and wipe his but for him, and at this point I use warm water. d)I can load him faster using the attendant control then he ever loaded himself. Also if I get agitated I drive like I am in a bumper car. Note to self, make sure emergency brake is set before bouncing him around in the van, it is hard to keep my footing without it.
Actually he is the most amazingly patient man I have ever met. But I am maybe a tiny bit scary at times.
Paulette

 

[Nuts]

Oh Paulette, thanks for the laugh! My husband has been better for the past several days. Perhaps he's finally figured out that when I'm irritated I'm distracted and don't see the potholes...

BTW, there's nothing wrong with being a little bit scary at times.

Sherry, no instructions there---yet. It may be that he's still adjusting to anyone doing it and once he becomes more comfortable the instructions will follow. Of course, since EVERYTHING can always be improved upon, I'm sure they will be warranted. However, If I hit pot holes while driving distracted, I can't image what I'll hit if wiping distracted...