so very hard

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smoochiegal

Active member
Joined
Jan 3, 2015
Messages
87
Reason
Lost a loved one
Diagnosis
08/2014
Country
CA
State
Ontario
City
Otonabee
Hi all
My sweet man had an awful reaction to the morphine pump 2 nights ago. It was a psychotic episode and it really freaked him out.
Since then, he is not talking, not eating, or drinking. The only words that come out of him are I'm done.
We got a fentanyl patch to switch him to but so far he will not let me put it on him.
He is so sad.
It is breaking my heart watching him just sit there.

I wish God would just let him be done..
 
Smoochiegal, my heart goes out to you both.
My God ease his pain and frustration, and mend your heart as you and your beloved go through this stage.
God bless, Janelle x
 
Cheryl,
Please ensure that you have Advanced Directives on hand.
--Mike
 
From the hospice website:


What are Advance Directives?

"A living will allows you to document your wishes concerning medical treatments at the end of life.

Before your living will can guide medical decision-making two physicians must certify:

You are unable to make medical decisions,
You are in the medical condition specified in the state's living will law (such as "terminal illness" or "permanent unconsciousness"),
Other requirements also may apply, depending upon the state.

A medical power of attorney (or healthcare proxy) allows you to appoint a person you trust as your healthcare agent (or surrogate decision maker), who is authorized to make medical decisions on your behalf.

Before a medical power of attorney goes into effect a person’s physician must conclude that they are unable to make their own medical decisions. In addition:

If a person regains the ability to make decisions, the agent cannot continue to act on the person's behalf.
Many states have additional requirements that apply only to decisions about life-sustaining medical treatments.
For example, before your agent can refuse a life-sustaining treatment on your behalf, a second physician may have to confirm your doctor's assessment that you are incapable of making treatment decisions."

I am so sorry you are going through this. Many, many prayers going out to you both.

Vince
 
You both are in my thoughts and prayers. This is a reminder to all of us to make sure we have our paperwork in order. I have to make my wishes clear to everyone involved in my care. God be with you as you go through this very difficult journey!
 
I am so sorry. Praying for comfort for you both
 
May you both find comfort and release from this horrible horrible disease. My thoughts are with you.
Anna
 
Oh No Cheryl, I am so sorry to hear this. I was so encouraged by the progress that was being made. just know that all of us here are with you inspirit, and you guys are not alone. we are holding your hand and his as well, and wish so much that we could be there with you. love you.


B
 
Oh Cheryl,

are hospice coming to see you there and help? I am so sorry this is just too cruel :(

I hope they can help you all have some relief. Huge hugs and still holding your hand my sister in pain
 
Cheryl, if he's done, don't spend the end of his life just watching him in tears and don't worry about drugs, food or drink if he isn't interested. Say your goodbyes, reminisce about the good times, ask him anything he might respond to that you'd like to know, play his favorite tunes/movies and talk to him reassuringly about the things he might be worried about, whether he says so or not. Give him a good sendoff, and yourself the peace of that. With due respect to everyone who's virtually holding your hand, it's more important that you're holding his right there, right now. Touch is very comforting and it will help him find his way. I wish you both well.

--Laurie
 
Re paperwork, not sure how things work in Canada. The key health legal stuff in most US states is an advance health care directive (that states whether or not the person wants artificial life support when things are hopeless) and a health care power of attorney (designating who will make decisions if s/he can't). For finances, a durable financial power of attorney (a person who can manage money while the person is still alive) and a Will. For people in the States, there are a lot of resources for documents like these at nhdd.org
 
Cheryl, I'm sorry I didn't see you question earlier. Thanks to everyone who pitched in.

It sounds like your husband has decided let death come naturally. That's, of course, his decision to make. Laurie is right that you want to be comforting to him. Perhaps a hospice nurse can help medicate him so that he has the most peaceful passing.

I don't know where he is in the progression. If he has some weeks left, you might consider getting a lawyer to write Advanced Directives to record his wishes legally.

When my wife was dying, we discovered that medical doctors, nurses, EMTs, and emergency rooms can be confusing and confused. Worse, they may or may not honor your wishes if your husband is unable to communicate. So I carried with me Krissy's Advanced Directives (how she wanted to be treated medically).

A lawyer helped write them for us. Krissy did not want to be kept alive with tubes and extraordinary measures, and wanted to be allowed to die peacefully at home. Our doctors and nurses, EMTs, and emergency rooms obeyed the AD's perfectly, and helped her according to her wishes.

It's hard to accept a loved one's death. It is possible, though, to help them on their way, the best way it can be.

--Mike
 
I totally agree - just be with him now. I have a lot of comfort from being able to just let Chris go when that time came. No need for calories or fluids, just lots of love.

We are loving you through it too.
 
Cheryl,
Sending you a huge hug for courage. We care sweetheart. I am praying for you and your husband right now. Love, Kim
 
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