Wake up call and hard choices continued...

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Nuts

Extremely helpful member
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Feb 23, 2014
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2,636
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Lost a loved one
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01/2014
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NC
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Littleton
My sister called this morning to say mom fell and broke her hip again. All I can think is thank God she's in California where sis can handle things. I did the right thing by sending her there. I also need to get out there to see her. Thank God hubby's brother moved here--two days ago. Talk aboutjumping right in. I need to wait until next week as my darling is organizing a funeral and for so many reasons I don't want him alone on that day. I'm sad. That I won't see her in her new home, but again in a hospital, I can't help thinking that at 80 with Parkinson's and only one arm that this second break means she will now move Tia nursing home only two months after moving into assisted living. The last time I was with her every day I. The rehab/nursing home and cared for her 24/7 for over a year to get her walking again. I can't do it this time. Well, I guess we are going to test everyones offers of help and his ability at accept it so that Ican spell sis for a weekend while she prepares for her upgraded aretako g duties
 
Man, it just never gets easier. You've done all the right things.
 
I know how tough it is to want to reach out and help but not be able to. We've been dealing with a similar situation, here, with Darcey's Mom & Dad. Fortunately, we have other family members (Darcey's two brothers) and we (collectively) are able to provide a pretty good support process. It would be difficult to have them on the other coast. Hip injuries are difficult to recover from at any age. My thoughts go out to all of you...

Jim
 
So hard, but you have come so far in prioritising what you actually can and can't do.

I always get flashbacks of how I tried to take in my brother with a very different neurological condition and it worked for no one.

It is sad you will see her in a hospital again, take your time getting there so all is right at home and you can go with things in order.
 
Tillie, I remember your discription of trying to care for your brother and husband. Impossible. As for makeing things right here--Mr. Invincible says he's fine by himself and doesn't want to be stuck with anyone else hovering around. ARGH! I told him to suck it up and live with it so that I can do this. I'm afraid that I'm going to have to repeat myself several times. The trouble is, he's like a steamroller.

Jim, it turns out she rebroke the same hip. The surgeon says he'll do a full replacement and that it should be an easier recovery. Mom lost the use of her right arm as a toddler, so she's fortunate that it's the right side that broke. Had it been the left she would not have been able to use the hemiwalker or cane. She's amazing. I've already walked my sister through the need for her Parkinson's meds and not accepting the nurse's statement that she gets nothing orally until after the surgery. Poor dear's leg was jumping and that hurt her. Needless to say, once sis call the doc, that order was overturned.

Mike, thanks for the vote of confidence. I just need to figure out how to do the right thing now with Mr. Stubborn. I think I'm going to call his father and tattle...

She's going into surgery now and I'm going to go figure out why I couldn't upload the pics of Dalvin. Talk about another strong person.
 
Talking about yourself, nuts? You are the strong one! Thinking of you and hoping your man stops the stubborn line.
 
LOL, I love you all. I think I'm going to sick his dad on him if he doesn't fall into line pretty quickly!
 
When everything seems to be going wrong, try to remind myself that "we don't grow on the mountaintop- but in the valleys!" There are days when we all wish God didn't give us so many valleys and opportunities for growth! You are one strong lady, and this, too,shall pass!
 
Sometimes a good family tattling is well justified ... ;)
 
>Man, it just never gets easier. You've done all the right things.

Ditto that!
 
Well, hubby has agreed to let his brother and/or wife come over while I'm gone. Thank goodness. Things don't sound good for mom. She not only broke the hip but also broke her femur in 5 places and tore muscle. Surgery was Thursday evening and she's still incoherent and in ICU. She's 80 and has Parkinson's and only one arm/hand she can use. My sweet husband says go now and stay longer. Right. I finally had to tell him that he sent me once and I stayed two months and then brough her home to live with us for three years. I can't do it again and it is time to let my sister take over. Hard to chose between my mom and my husband. THank God for my sister.
 
Nuts when I had my brother here I felt torn between my brother and my husband.

I had to change this way of thinking - I wasn't choosing between them at all, I was choosing the best care for both of them.

I can imagine that you will be so worried about your husband while gone, it won't be easy at all. So sorry her injuries are so much worse, what a hard time ahead for this healing :(
I'm also very thankful you have a sister there taking this on as primary caregiver!
 
My sister just held up theh phone so we could Facetime. Mom came around long enough to tell me not to feel sad if she doesn't make it. She doesn't have the heart to do this again. Got to dry the tears because it's time to get my hubby up.
 
tears here reading that Nuts, I can only try to imagine how your mum feels :(

hugging you sister in pain, this is plain crap
 
Good news, mom's doing better and is quite a bit more lucid. She's started PT and will move to rehab tomorrow or the next day. I'm headed out Thursday. Hubby's brother and SIL will stay here with him. There are at least a dozen things I don't get done before I leave, but they will be ok. Well, maybe. My darling got on the phone today and told mom she should move back here and we'd take care of her. He means it, so it's a good thing she knows better. I'd smack him if he wasn't so wonderful :).
 
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