Prohobo
Member
- Joined
- Mar 9, 2015
- Messages
- 18
- Reason
- Loved one DX
- Diagnosis
- 03/2015
- Country
- US
- State
- FL
- City
- Sarasota
As I am new on here and just posted that we found out my mother has ALS (fairly advanced - no longer talking and barely moving) it has certainly changed a lot for me. I have already canceled a business trip this week and cleared my calendar to be with her as we go through this.
However - I have a family vacation planned in July (3 weeks) which my son (10) and wife have been planning for over a year. I called today to find out if we can move the dates or get a refund - but it is not an option as we had to make several payments in advanced because we have hired a private trip which required recruiting guides and others logistics - it's also very expensive.
My mother KNOWS about this trip and is very excited for us and for my son, as we have been talking about it for months (prior to the diagnosis). I know she wants us to go, she too is a big traveler and adventurer - who had gone on a 3 week trip to Greece, while concerned about taking care of her mother (my grandmother). However, my grandmother told her it is a once in a life time trip - there is nothing you can do for me, GO - LIVE YOUR LIFE! My mom went, my grandmother didn't pass - but I can't help but wonder how my mother would have felt if my grandmother did pass when she was away.
The trip my family has planned is not one in which we could return QUICKLY from if something where to happen and during a large chunk of trip we will be out of communication (no cell phones or wi-fi). I have been trying to figure out anything, move dates, refund, even insurance - but so far nothing can be done other than take the financial loss and give up the opportunity.
Truth be told - between my mother and myself (whom we have a great relationship) - I would go, she would encourage me, as she had done the same before. She would feel guilty if I didn't go just to be by her side day and night. She currently kicks me out if I stay to long, because she doesn't want me sitting around all the time just to be by her side. So my issue is not necessarily between my mother and myself, it is with others (sister, other family, friends) - it is them that will cause grief and guilt.
My mixed reservations are because of how others would feel about me going on vacation. Especially if something would happen to her when I was away.
My one very close friend told me already - it is only money, it's only a trip - you can go again - this is YOUR MOTHER. He got very mad at me of even SUGGESTING something. However, perhaps he has a different relationship with his mother.
I reminded him that I had moved 3,000 miles across the country to be close with her and take care of her when she had cancer. And now, that since she has been in skilled nursing - I visit with her daily in the evenings and every weekend (the only family member to do so). Also - that my mother is adamant that she doesn't want me quitting my life because of what has transpired. She doesn't even like long visits or frequent visits from friends - she tells them to send flowers and prefers letters to read (because she can't talk) - she is frustrated when people try to talk with her, because she can't talk back.
Yet my friend was so shocked and mad at me when I even mention the trip - to a point that he couldn't even believe it, as if I hate or have no feelings for my mother or that I am selfish or something.
Perhaps I am in the wrong?
My relationship and love with my mother won't change if I go or don't - however it may certainly impact my relationship with friends and family.
However - I have a family vacation planned in July (3 weeks) which my son (10) and wife have been planning for over a year. I called today to find out if we can move the dates or get a refund - but it is not an option as we had to make several payments in advanced because we have hired a private trip which required recruiting guides and others logistics - it's also very expensive.
My mother KNOWS about this trip and is very excited for us and for my son, as we have been talking about it for months (prior to the diagnosis). I know she wants us to go, she too is a big traveler and adventurer - who had gone on a 3 week trip to Greece, while concerned about taking care of her mother (my grandmother). However, my grandmother told her it is a once in a life time trip - there is nothing you can do for me, GO - LIVE YOUR LIFE! My mom went, my grandmother didn't pass - but I can't help but wonder how my mother would have felt if my grandmother did pass when she was away.
The trip my family has planned is not one in which we could return QUICKLY from if something where to happen and during a large chunk of trip we will be out of communication (no cell phones or wi-fi). I have been trying to figure out anything, move dates, refund, even insurance - but so far nothing can be done other than take the financial loss and give up the opportunity.
Truth be told - between my mother and myself (whom we have a great relationship) - I would go, she would encourage me, as she had done the same before. She would feel guilty if I didn't go just to be by her side day and night. She currently kicks me out if I stay to long, because she doesn't want me sitting around all the time just to be by her side. So my issue is not necessarily between my mother and myself, it is with others (sister, other family, friends) - it is them that will cause grief and guilt.
My mixed reservations are because of how others would feel about me going on vacation. Especially if something would happen to her when I was away.
My one very close friend told me already - it is only money, it's only a trip - you can go again - this is YOUR MOTHER. He got very mad at me of even SUGGESTING something. However, perhaps he has a different relationship with his mother.
I reminded him that I had moved 3,000 miles across the country to be close with her and take care of her when she had cancer. And now, that since she has been in skilled nursing - I visit with her daily in the evenings and every weekend (the only family member to do so). Also - that my mother is adamant that she doesn't want me quitting my life because of what has transpired. She doesn't even like long visits or frequent visits from friends - she tells them to send flowers and prefers letters to read (because she can't talk) - she is frustrated when people try to talk with her, because she can't talk back.
Yet my friend was so shocked and mad at me when I even mention the trip - to a point that he couldn't even believe it, as if I hate or have no feelings for my mother or that I am selfish or something.
Perhaps I am in the wrong?
My relationship and love with my mother won't change if I go or don't - however it may certainly impact my relationship with friends and family.