DreamsEnd
Distinguished member
- Joined
- Jan 24, 2014
- Messages
- 449
- Reason
- Lost a loved one
- Diagnosis
- 01/2014
- Country
- US
- State
- AZ
- City
- Cottonwood
My PALS, DX'd a year ago is now unable to use hands, or arms and is in a powerchair nearly full-time. So I do his meds, shower, dress, toilet (thank you bidet!) and feed him. His sister, a most loving generous woman is staying nearby in her RV to provide help but I still have difficulty with managing my feelings about her help.
I'm grateful for the help and respite and her love for her brother but this gal is like a bull in a china shop and I spend a lot of time cringing. She is a strong, independent woman. Truly couldn't make it thru the current 10 days without her help as our disabled daughter is here for Christmas so I have two in wheelchairs needing a lot of assistance. Sister rushes to help but bangs wheel chairs into walls, corrects my Cerebral Palsied daughter strongly without understanding her capabilities, and is generally a messy person, spilling, knocking things over, etc. All minor, unimportant things in the grand scheme. She's here to help and we are paying her rent and she truly is kind and warm but the day after our cleaning woman has been here the house is a mess. She takes over with things I've ordered and sets them up without my input.
I try to focus on the positives but I am not successful at it often enough. I know I can't expect her to do things as I do but gosh do I want to! I'm venting here because I know it's MY issue and don't want to whine to my DH.
I'm learning to ask for specific help but get frustrated when I'm making dinner and setting the table and she's sitting there on her computer unaware. She then recognizes it and says oh here I am all in my computer and not helping and she'll move but by that time that job is done.
Forgive me please and advise away. I 'll need her help even more in future months and I want to support her love of her brother and her loving spirit; I don't want my annoyance to become a problem.
Moi
I'm grateful for the help and respite and her love for her brother but this gal is like a bull in a china shop and I spend a lot of time cringing. She is a strong, independent woman. Truly couldn't make it thru the current 10 days without her help as our disabled daughter is here for Christmas so I have two in wheelchairs needing a lot of assistance. Sister rushes to help but bangs wheel chairs into walls, corrects my Cerebral Palsied daughter strongly without understanding her capabilities, and is generally a messy person, spilling, knocking things over, etc. All minor, unimportant things in the grand scheme. She's here to help and we are paying her rent and she truly is kind and warm but the day after our cleaning woman has been here the house is a mess. She takes over with things I've ordered and sets them up without my input.
I try to focus on the positives but I am not successful at it often enough. I know I can't expect her to do things as I do but gosh do I want to! I'm venting here because I know it's MY issue and don't want to whine to my DH.
I'm learning to ask for specific help but get frustrated when I'm making dinner and setting the table and she's sitting there on her computer unaware. She then recognizes it and says oh here I am all in my computer and not helping and she'll move but by that time that job is done.
Forgive me please and advise away. I 'll need her help even more in future months and I want to support her love of her brother and her loving spirit; I don't want my annoyance to become a problem.
Moi