my3sunz42
Active member
- Joined
- Sep 9, 2010
- Messages
- 48
- Reason
- Loved one DX
- Diagnosis
- 12/2010
- Country
- US
- State
- wi
- City
- waukesha
I don't know where to begin ... I don't even know what I'm trying to ask ... My dear friend, father of our 2 incredible boys is now preparing for end of life. In ways it feels like we're planning to have another baby ... you know they questions ... where do we take the kids? what about the dog? But the questions this time around are even harder to bare.
I had a heart-to-heart talk with his wife last week. We've determined that my husband & I will be there to support all the kids (our shared boys, their 2 little ones and our youngest). He has upped his Ativan to help manage the ongoing panic attacks from air hunger. Last week he suffered a major attack - it was late in the evening - couldn't breath and explained to his wife that this damn disease was now more than he could handle. Their 2 younger ones heard him crying and came rushing to his side ... his son (10) placing a cross his one hand and his daughter (8) placing a yellow finch figurine in his other hand. While Jim cried, the kids explained that he wasn't alone ... we're all here for you Daddy.
Now our oldest boys are preparing to head off to college ... I have to talk to them and begin voicing what I know is on their minds ... will Dad be here when I get back? And I don't know the answer ... no one does. Breaks my heart & I cry as I type. I know honesty is the only way (they are 20 and 18) ... but it hurts me to hurt them.
I can't focus on much these days ... can't sleep because my dreams haunt me, struggle working because I worry that I'm missing time that I should be sharing with him. I guess I post here because I know there are others out there that share my sentiments. I'm scared, but I know I'm not alone.
I hate this f' ing disease ... I'm angry ... but mostly I'm sad. Give me strength because I know we're now climbing a hill and I need it.
Bless you all,
Cheryl
I had a heart-to-heart talk with his wife last week. We've determined that my husband & I will be there to support all the kids (our shared boys, their 2 little ones and our youngest). He has upped his Ativan to help manage the ongoing panic attacks from air hunger. Last week he suffered a major attack - it was late in the evening - couldn't breath and explained to his wife that this damn disease was now more than he could handle. Their 2 younger ones heard him crying and came rushing to his side ... his son (10) placing a cross his one hand and his daughter (8) placing a yellow finch figurine in his other hand. While Jim cried, the kids explained that he wasn't alone ... we're all here for you Daddy.
Now our oldest boys are preparing to head off to college ... I have to talk to them and begin voicing what I know is on their minds ... will Dad be here when I get back? And I don't know the answer ... no one does. Breaks my heart & I cry as I type. I know honesty is the only way (they are 20 and 18) ... but it hurts me to hurt them.
I can't focus on much these days ... can't sleep because my dreams haunt me, struggle working because I worry that I'm missing time that I should be sharing with him. I guess I post here because I know there are others out there that share my sentiments. I'm scared, but I know I'm not alone.
I hate this f' ing disease ... I'm angry ... but mostly I'm sad. Give me strength because I know we're now climbing a hill and I need it.
Bless you all,
Cheryl