Well I think you explained your situation very well. I have a 21 year old step-daughter that moved here from Texas to be with her father, and go to college. I know that there are times when she has a hard time dealing with her feelings, and explaining it to her profs. I know that she likes to be hugged, and the women's ministry pastor takes her out occasionally for coffee and to talk. Do you practise a faith, and or go to church? It has been such a blessing to me to have my faith, and I know that our Lord strengthens me.
As far as the difficulty talking with your father, I suggest that you write a letter and tell him how much you love him, mentioning some of the special times that you cherish and remember doing with him. Also I know how important it is to men to feel respected, and that the ones they love are proud of them. Are you and your parents able to Skype? I know it is not the same as being there, but before my husband was able to come to Canada we skyped daily, well actually every minute of the day that we were able to, for over a year.
It is perfectly normal to be angry at him, it is part of mourning the loss of something. Allow yourself to cry, I do mine in the tub. Be kind to yourself and forgive yourself when you feel like you haven't handled something perfectly. If I could I would give you a hug and just let you cry if you need to. You will be in my prayers.
Paulette