Doing Double Duty

[fullmoonhope]

Parents married 53 years. Dad with ALS failing quickly ...just entered nursing home/hospice. Diagnosed in January, 72 years old.

Mom has moderate to severe Alzhiemers and is in memory care facility since mid-July. They were together in assisted living until mid-July. Doctors say they've never seen an ALS progress so quickly, almost day to day degression.

Question is, do I take my mother to visit my dad? She gets upset because she doesn't understand (learn) his situation but it seems so cruel to keep them completely separate during this heart-wrenching time. When she isn't with him, she just wants to visit him and wonders where he is... of course my dad's mental capacity is still quick, although he is very depressed and exhausted of course. I don't know what will make this situation any worse.....

Any words of wisdom?

God Bless you all who are touched by this horrible disease.

 

[Annie's Phil]

Personally, I would try to let them spend as much time together as the situation permits. They have been one almost all of their lives, and to be deprived of each other is to be deprived of a significant part of themselves. "In sickness and in health, until death do us part."

I pray a flood of peace, grace, and comfort to you and for them.

 

[ottawa girl]

Please, please let them visit one another. As often as possible.
Even if they just hold hands. Even if they don't.

Just let them "be" together. You'll have no regrets.

 

[Katie C]

Even though it may be difficult for everyone.. I agree let them spend as much time together as everyone can tolerate.

 

[bemindful]

Absolutely take her to spend time with him. One thing my mom has expressed is how she thought things would be different when she progressed. She thought that her family would be more involved. She feels alienated. It is hard for some people to be around a PALS..I don't like it, but I think they feel helpless to do something and so avoid. I know your father will be so uplifted, even if he gets to see you Mom for a short time.

 

[Pkmado]

I think "Annie's Phil" has good advice. "As much time as the situation allows". You and your Dad may be the best to determine what that means." Best to you on this difficult double jeopardy you face.