Status
Not open for further replies.

chrisroski

Active member
Joined
Apr 12, 2012
Messages
93
Reason
PALS
Diagnosis
01/2012
Country
US
State
Pa
City
Philadelphia
I haven't written anything on here for awhile but I do read articles almost everyday. Jan 2013 will be one year that I was diagnosed. As of right now i am still mobile, but I am starting to see some slight weakness in right hand. My biggest problem has and still is the man that I live with. He is making my life more of a living hell. He to is sick, stage 4 prostrate cancer, starts chemo in Jan. but seems to think that we are in a contest on who is going to die first. He is extremely mean and nasty to me, it seems to have started when my speech went, I have the iPad to talk for me, but most times when I type something he doesn't even let it finish before he butts in. I have been told to shout up,that he can't stand me, he is going to put me in a closet, break or hide the iPad, so I try real hard not to communicate at all, cause no matter what I say, I'm starting an argument, so I'm quiet and therefore I feel alone and lonely, my daughter lives here but she works, she always lets me type and listens to what I say. I have been told to move out, but where do I go, my other daughter has 3 kids, there is no room, and honestly I love my grandkids, but don't know if I could handle all that noise, I have alerted the nurse at my clinic of his behavior and threats to me. They noticed a change in him last visit. I understand he is sick, but that is no excuse to treat me like he does. It seems he likes to get me upset, and then when I cry he makes fun or me. We have not been out of this Ouse is over two weeks, except for Christmas Day when I went to my daughters. I really hate him, I can't help,it. I have told his kids, they have talked to him. But of course he denied everything, and he is smart enough to behave when people are around, and then change when no one is home. I guess I might have to ask the clinic if there is somewhere I could live cause I can't take this. What happens when things really get bad, I don't want him to care for me, he has no clue about anything involving this disease. Tries to get him to read stuff but not interested, it is such a mess, I don't know what to do or where to go. Any ideas please?
 
I'm saddened by your circumstances.

You seem to be taking the brunt of it- have you considered that maybe he should move out? Does he have family who could take him in? If so, then you will have to consider having live-in help. Perhaps a nursing student? If not, then I would urge you to speak with a social worker- they often have a list of good resources and should be able to stick handle things for you. Of course if you are married, and own property together, you may also require an attorney. Maybe you could stay with the grandkids just on an interim and short term basis.

In my mind, since we are on limited time- why not be where we want to be and with the people we love.

There must be nothing lonelier than living with a nasty person who does not even let you finish a sentence. How awful.
 
There are homes for abused women and children, they help with getting your life on track. Family services could help too. The home you live in now belong to you both? Here where I live there are apartments that are rented to handicapped Individuals and based on income. I am sorry for all that you are going through. I am praying for you and I wish you peace.
 
You should not have to endure this type of abuse regardless of his or your illness! You should stay in your home and work to get him in to a skilled nursing facility or assisted living facility. Please please consult a pastor, priest, social worker, your local ALS chapter....even your doctor's office. This disease sucks and you should not have to live like that in your own home. I will pray for you.
 
Bless your heart, you should not be having to deal with this.. You need some help before he gets worse.. I hope that you can figure something out because this situation is scary...((HUGS))
 
I think you had posted before that it was his house, so I'm basing my answer on that... Call your MDA contact and ask about housing for yourself. They may have some places with openings. Good luck, you deserve better.
 
My heart breaks for you Chris, in my opinion, emotional abuse is the very worst kind. I want to think about options for you, and will message you soon.
 
Chris, I agree with Rose. Thank you for trying to figure something out Rose.

Laura
 
what is it with people trying to put us in closet. my son tells me tht when he gets frustrated.
 
Chris , im deeply sorry to read what you are going through. As hard as it may be, count your blessings too - you are still mobile so perhaps embrace that and make the changes you can - while you can. Getting the right support to do this i think is important too - reach out to either family, friends or a local community support group. The stress of living under such emotional abuse will take its toll on your own quality of health/life so please don't delay making those changes... embrace the New Year with some positive changes for you.
 
Illness brings out the best and the worst in people,some are able to cope were as others get frustrated and lash out but ofton don't mean what they say.
Has your husband changed since you both got your diagnosis or has he always had an abusive streak?
You should not have to move out of your home but other than living with family you a two choices........
Stay but see if you can get a carer who is with you during the time your daughter is at work so he has no oppertunity to be abusive.
Or see if you can apply for an assisted living accommodation.
But whatever you decide as i told another member with situations like this you need to get your affairs and wishes for medical and financial things in order as soon as possible.
A friend of mine who had an abusive wife waited till it was too late,he was dumped in a nursing home and died within weeks.......she even refused to pay the nursing home and donated his body so she would not have to pay for a funeral.
You are the priority,do what is best for you.
(((hugs)))
 
Chris I feel so badly for you. All that I can think of that might help is seeing if he would consider an antidepressant. Many people with depression have lots of anger and irritability, and in likelihood he is scared, angry and depressed. I know that is no excuse to abuse you, but a good doctor with experience in this area could prescribe medication that might help him. The problem of course is getting him to acknowledge that he has a problem and to take medication. Maybe your nurse at the clinic could try talking with him, and see if he will open up to her. Failing that, moving may be the only answer. I am so sorry that you are in this position. Sending prayers.

Laurel
 
Chris, I totally agree with Laurel. All people handle things like this differently. Have you guys ever gotten along? Do you ever take time to talk about the thing you guys used to? Maybe instead of always talking about the current situation talk about thing you used to. My main question is at any point were you guys friends?

Amber
 
I don't know but I think cause he has terminal cancer and I have a l s this is a double was my. He is scares, I'm scares, but I had my kids and his kids sit down for a long talk. He said he feels he has to help me but he can't cause he feels awful, so his kids and mine are going to try to come and help us out when they can. Any more problems and I will make a new game plan.
 
I have all my papers in order, living will. Power of attorney, what I want and don't want. Funeral has been pre-arranged my kids have all the info and know exactly what to do. I did that soon as I was diagnosed, and yes he did get like this actually when the tube was put in and the speech went. He says he is proud of me for handling this as well as I have, and thatnhenis not that brave. We had a family meeting and alot of things were brought to light, so now his kids and mine are aware od everything, no more hiding things. Hopefully this will help and they will be checking on me more than ever
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top