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Chase_Corin

Distinguished member
Joined
Nov 24, 2010
Messages
135
Reason
Loved one DX
Diagnosis
11/2010
Country
CA
State
On
City
Perth, Ontario
I am stressing somthing fierce.

I am suposed to go to Baltimore this weekend (I am driving from Canada) for the bridal shower of one of my best friends (I am her maid of honour).

What is bothering me is that I have not left for such a long distace since my dad's condition has gotten so bad. He is not able to get out of a chair, feed, cloth, toilet or bath himself in months. He is able to walk with the aid of a walker but that is starting to go too.

Normally I am working only 30 minutes away or I am here at the house helping my mom take care of dad. Mom has fibromyalsia and recently has injured her knee. We have help daily that takes care of batheing dad but mom and I take care of everything else.

This weekend I am going to be 11 hours away in a foreign country and not able to help if they need me. On top of that its their 39th wedding anniversary. There is nothing planned and mom told me not to worry about it but I feel really guilty not being here.

I have tried everything I can think of to make things as easy for them as possible this weekend but I fell that I am on the edge of a nervous breakdown. On top of it all I am taking my mom's car to Baltimore since mine had a blunt encounter with a deer last week. I am leaving them with my rental car but I am not sure that mom could get dad into it if she needed to take him anywhere.

I guess I am feeling everyhting wrapped into one. Guilt both that I have to go to the shower or I would be letting people down and also becaus going to the shower forces me to leave my parents who need me. I am anxious about taking my mom's car and leaving her possibly without a mode of getting my dad around. Nervous about all the ifs ands and buts.

The only thing is that in just over a month I have to do it all again to take part in the wedding.

I really don't know what I am asking or really communicating but I need to say it out loud.
 
Chase,
You are doing everything you can...I absolutely understand the worry and concern... The only other thing I would suggest is that your mom call 911 if anything happens with your dad... You sound like you have taken care of all the other details. (are you and the deer okay?). Go and enjoy yourself, you have so earned and need this break!
Hugs,
Jen
 
Do what you need to! I think your parents would want you to be able to enjoy your friend's shower and wedding!
 
If you're feeling that stressed about it, I would maybe think about skipping the shower - since, as you said, you're going to have to drive there in another month as it is. If you're really feeling that overwhelmed, staying home might be the best thing. Your friend would probably understand.
 
As a parent I would be very upset if you stayed home with us rather then do what you need to do. Maybe your parents need some time to themselves. Maybe you need a break. Is there a friend or neighbor who can check up on them. If my sons missed something important because of this stupid sickness id be heartbroken. What do your parents say?
.
 
As the others have stated, go and enjoy the break with your best friend.
 
Chase,

Take a few deep breaths. My KK has just been asked to be her friend's Maid of honor. Friend is in NY, we're in GA. I want for her to go and enjoya mini break when the time comes. Lose the guilt! Try your best to have a good time. You've set everything in place that you need to in order for them to manage without you for the weekend. You can help them celebrate the anniversary when you return.

There are probably Transport services available in your area should the need arise while you're away. If there is an emergency, there's EMT and 911 for assistance.

So sorry about your car. We had numerous encounters with the deer in upstate NY. Fortunately everyone came out OK. (autos not so much) Thank goodness you're OK.

Please try to have a good time and relax away from your caregiver duties. You'll be a much better caregiver when you return from having a little break.
 
Chase -

Take the trip! I'm certain your parents want you to enjoy yourself. There are many services in Perth and nearby Ottawa which they can avail themselves if necessary. Maybe a trusted neighbour or friend will check in with them periodically. I know you feel guilty - even if we all tell you not to. It's clear you love your parents. Congrats to them on the 39th anniversary. They've done a great job raising such a good kid! Please don't forget to add your Mom as an authorized driver on the rental car - just in case of more deers!

Go. Delight in your friendship and celebration. It's a joyous event. Drive carefully!
 
I'm so sorry that you feel so torn and can understand it as I am my husband's caregiver 24 hours/day and my daughter is getting married in Oct. I'm starting to put a plan together because I know that I have to be physically and emotionally present for her wedding. I find it so terribly difficult to let go of the guilt and yet, I don't want my daughters to succumb to the same thing. When we first started on the ALS journey, my kids were afraid to tell me about their activities because they thought it would be insensitive to be out having fun while we were suffering. I explained that I NEEDED to know that their lives were continuing and felt much better knowing that eventhough they were helping and supporting and all of our lives were changing, ALS would not ruin their lives. Given your dad's condition, I know that it will be hard to leave your parents but your presence at this shower might be as important for your mother as the bride. Having said that, if you decide that you just can't go, everyone will have to try to understand. Do what is right for you!
 
So right--you gotta go! you must still have your life and parents want that for their kids. yes they need your help--but one weekend away will be fine. can you get your bathing helper to maybe come in for a bigger chunk of time this weekend? it would be worth the $ for your peace of mind. or maybe some of your local friends--if they could just check in once a day. Maybe if 4 friends agree to go by the house once each just to help with anything...
 
I agree with the others... go, have fun and ENJOY your time away! Make sure someone else can check in on them and don't feel guilty. I'm sure both your parents want you to continue to live your life and you owe it to the bride to be there for her anyway. have a wonderful time!
 
So, how did the weekend away go?
 
yes, do tell! Hope you went and had a good time.
 
I think your parents will want you to go and have a good time. My husband wants our kids (one is in college about 450 miles away, the other has a job that required frequent travelling) to have as 'normal' a life as possible, given the circumstances. They help whenever they can, summers, weekends, etc.
 
Hm.. if you are worried a lot then try consider about getting a live in
care giver who are better than care giving homes.
 
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