Husband is angry

[dhut]

my husband was just diagnosed with MND, we're not sure which one yet, but his mother died from pseudobulbar palsy. He is angry all the time, even before the diagnosis. He fixates on small issues, and his temper is explosive. Is this a common trait of the disease? he already takes fluoxetine, and this has not helped one bit. Any advice? We have a 5 year old at home that is witnessing this and starting to have temper tantrums himself.

 

[Katie C]

Make sure you get an FTD evaluation. If you check the FTD subforum you'll find links to common symptoms and behaviors.

 

[sadiemae]

Welcome to our "club".

 

[themommy]

When Michael was diagnosed - he was explosively angry. Scary I know. The Dr. told us that it may have just been the precursor for FTD. With FTD - they don't even know what is happening - and can't control it anyway. Have him checked out - and keep yourself safe in the mean time. Agree with them - even if it just to placate them. Contact the neuro to get an evaluation...Somehow it is easier if you can understand what is happening.

PS with Michael - it has subsided....

 

[dhut]

this is getting ridiculous! we made it to the first appt. although he verbally abused me all the way there and humiliated me in front of all the patients and the receptionist when we got there. Neuro said it is an "MND" just not sure which one yet. In the Neuro's office he agreed to an EEG and follow up visit. When office coordinator called with the dates, he freaked, and said he never agreed to that! He's worried about $$, or so that's what he says. Then he complained the doc blew him off and passed him onto "some woman". When I tried to explain the docs are busy seeing patients and they can't run offices all by themselves he told me he would only go if the doc would call him and personally tell him why he needed the test and the appointment. (omg!) So I called the coordinator back and she was understanding, but doc was out of country. so, had to cancel the eeg. Doc gets back into town and bless his heart called us after 7pm, but we missed call. Husband listened to the message and was infuriated that there was an apt. set for him. It's like he never heard that before. 1. he agreed to it at last appt. and 2. we even had a conversation about it. NOW he is refusing to take the call and go to the appt. We really need this to happen so we can get official diagnosis. He was layed off almost 2 years ago (maybe now looking back it may be due to whatever is wrong). He gets frustrated bc he can't remember passwords to email, or job sites. He has done poorly at every interview and has never received a call back. We need disability. Right now, mostly he has the speech issues, choking, and balance. He has fallen several times but always blames it on something. He crushed three bones in his foot 2 months ago. (docs noticed while under surgery he was experiencing neuro issues) He jerks and shakes and I think his strength is off as well, but he would never admit that. But then again, he has yet to admit anything is wrong with him. He still has use of arms and legs, but with everything I've read it sounds like FTD with the MND. I cannot get this man to go to the doctor. His tirades, rages and memory loss are so frustrating as well as the paranoia. I just don't know what to do....

 

[HelenL]

I'm so sorry about your situation, and wish I could say something to help...

I know my Mom's 85-year-old husband forgets and gets angry when he does (not ALS, probably Alzheimers), she gently reminds him that he agreed to it, and if he explodes; she just says "ok, so you want to commit suicide? Because that's what you're doing if you refuse to get this shot, etc."

Would it help to tell him that even if it isn't ALS, you need to get a diagnosis so he can possibly get SSDI? And he would have to wait 2 years vs 6 months.

 

[Miss]

I am so sorry you are going through this, especially with a 5 year old in the house. Unfortunately, it does sound like FTD. The fact that it started before a diagnosis really lends itself to FTD. Push your way into the neurologists and demand a test for FTD. You will need to be prepared if that is what you are facing.

 

[brooksea]

dhut, when I read your post I felt as if I was reading about my husband (bless his soul). It does sound like FTD.

Is the neuro he had the appointment with at an ALS Clinic? If so, try speaking with the social worker there. She may have some ideas on how you can work around his refusal to see the doc. I hope you can at least get a more definitive d x, if it is ALS, so you can move forward in filing for SSDI. I do not envy the task you have ahead. I wish you luck.

 

[Katie C]

dhut... here's what I would suggest. It won't be easy but... Find out where your nearest ALSA chapter is. Call them and ask to speak to their social worker. He or she will have experience with these exact issues and will help walk you through what needs to happen and how to address things with both doctors and your husband. This is the hard part: he won't like it. But too bad. You'll need to stand up to him,put your foot down and say these appointments are not optional. He WILL get mad. Try to remember it's not you...it's not him... it's the FTD.

And just an aside...you're actually lucky he can't remember those passwords! He's not spending in odd places that way.

 

[poppy62]

CJ, Katie,
Can I just ask you both as you've been through it, if your hubbies had difficult behavioural outbursts anywhere and everywhere, regardless of who was there please?
I'm trying to fathom out some of my hubby's behaviour and whether or not he can control it, and if it depends on where we are, and who we are with? And if he IS in control of it, can there still be an element of FTD present? He WILL argue black is blue with me til I agree black is blue to keep the peace. He can obsess over small things. He has been spending money like water, and has to go get what he wants there and then. Cannot wait at all.
He can be normal at his elderly parents home, but get a bit emotional sometimes. He is quiet when we visit any of my four children. He can be foul in the car before an appointment but 'normal' when we go in. I feel like he reserves it for me at home sometimes although he has kicked off and flung the trolley in the supermarket a couple of times.
Some days I wonder if I am imagining it all, or is it as bad as it seems. I have broached it with him about FTD evaluation, but...no way is he going for that, his body is shot, not his head...is what he tells me....
Just could do with some advice from someone who has been there please.

 

[brooksea]

poppy, my husband's behavior was unpredictable. It seemed to go from one extreme to the other. I think it has to do with agitation from any particular situation they may be in. My husband was always the type of person that would help anybody and everybody. He would go out of his way to do the least little thing. At times he would act bizarre, but nothing over the top most of the time (before d x). Looking back, I can see he probably had FTD way before his physical symptoms became apparent.

Your husband may feel calm and comfortable at his parent's and your children's homes. I don't know much by any means about all of this, but I noticed a pattern with my husband. It eventually did not matter where we were, if he was agitated, he would let everyone know. He wanted his way and was relentless. I wasn't the only one that witnessed this behavior.

We went through the spending thing, also. I don't know the laws in the UK, but you might want to brush up on them. You'll want to make sure you are not responsible for accounts he may have opened without your knowledge in his name.

As far as the eval, (can't remember if you are going to an MND Clinic) if you could document these "episodes" and email the clinic with your concerns, they may be able to prepare for your next visit. Then, they could just nonchalantly give him a test during the routine.

It is very difficult because one moment they seem normal and the next they are acting strange.

 

[HelenL]

so sorry you are dealing with all this on top of everything else... I didn't realize you were in the UK before.

Try to catch one of his tirades on your phone video, so you can show it to your doc. Not sure if it would be helpful or not to show it to him.

 

[sadiemae]

My husband obsesses on things too.

http://alsn.mda.org/article/when-thinking-parts-brain-go-awry-als?refid=12

 

[brooksea]

Thanks for the link, Lori. Out of all of those symptoms, my husband manifested the following in varying degrees (those in bold were most prominent):


Disinhibited
Poor judgment
Easily frustrated
Quick to anger
Lack of insight
Language difficulty
Word finding
Spelling

 

[Katie C]

Good link Lori...will add it to my collection. Thanks. As far as the symptoms list...well...all of the above.

OK...dhut... Picture me with very stern face here: Suggesting to your husband that he get an FTD evaluation will be nothing but counterproductive. The "rational thinking" part of his brain isn't working correctly. He probably can't make the connection between his disease and his behavior. You have to somehow communicate to his medical care providers what the behavioral issues are that you are experiencing. I used e-mail a lot to communicate with Glen's doctor.

Also... you need to learn to be firm. "Not going" to medical appointments is not an option.

CJ and I could tell you serious horror stories regarding finances. Glen barely spoke to me...we almost split before his diagnosis...but displayed some horribly inappropriate behaviors. The right combination of medications can make him much easier to live with. This won't get better on its own... you really must convey to the neurologist what is going on.