copeing?

[Chase_Corin]

What is copeing?

People keep saying "oh, your coping well with your dad's illness."

What if I don't think so? I have been coping by crying in the shower and crying while mowing the lawn. Not talking about my feelings and avoiding faceing the situateing which is becoming more and more dificult.

Dad fell the other day again and since then he has gone down hill quite rappidly. He dosn't try to go downstairsanymore which is a relief kind of but it is also a sign that the disease is taking over more. His voice is barely a whisper.

My brother was over today and barely stayed an hour and a half. He can't stand to see dad like this. I need my brother! I need his support, nore more than ever.

Dad has been crying a lot today, that is somthing I can't face. Not that I don't want to help or do whatever I can but seeing dad cry makes me break down every time.

Mom has been great at keeping strong she was a nurse and deals well with illness and stress. I would never be able to face this without her. I am trying to spoil her this mothers day to show her how much she means to me. How much she means to all of us but nothing seems to be enough.

I guess I am coping in a way but not very well. Does anyone have any advice on how to cope?

 

[panguinjen]

Chase,

I'm so sorry! Coping is doing exactly what you're doing...living some days moment to moment, with tears streaming. Other days may be a little better. You are a joy to your parents, a brave young man even if you don't feel like it. I hope you have a professional to talk to about your experience. You are not alone, we all have days doing exactly what you are doing!

Hugs,
Jen

 

[cervus]

You're coping, Chase. I don't know if that's the right word. You're doing what you need to do when there is no other choice for your dad. He has this illness so you and your family goes through it too. There are always sad times, frustrating times, times when you just want to scream but we all do it our own way. And your mum sounds strong but I bet she "copes" the same way you do with bouts of crying on her own, with your dad, etc. It's so hard and I'm so sorry you're going through this. We have two daughters, 25 and 19 and they went through this too when my husband, their father, went through this awful time. Try to find as much joy as you can in appreciating your father is still with you. These are times you'll look back with so many different emotions but the happy times are amazing. You are a special young man and I know your parents and your brother appreciate you more than words can express. Talk to your brother if you have a good relationship with him. Tell him it's hard for you too. I'm sure he will understand that you need him as I'm sure he needs you. Sending you strength, Chase. Take care. Yasmin

 

[themommy]

Its ok to cry. Its a sad time. Doesn't seem fair to have so much put on your shoulders. Its hard for your mom too. Hold her close and tell her how much you love her. She is there for you. Hospice has a program called stepping stones for young people trying to cope with such a difficult situation. My own kids go there. We have a wonderful counselor that helps them understand the things that are happening to them. And its a place for them to let it all out and leave it there. So there aren't so many tears where daddy is concerned. We try to talk about whats happening. It seems like the more they know about what is happening (science-wise) the easier it is to deal with. If you don't understand what is going on - or you need help understanding. Ask. The people on this forum understand. And they will help you to understand.

 

[Tofinodays]

Hi Chase,

I find that one minute I can look and feel fine and the next I melt down. I guess that's coping.

You mention that your father cries alot. While some may be sorrow, and we know there's so very much to be sorry about but some may be neurological. Emotional lability (i.e. unable to control one's emotions, either laughing or crying). When this happened to my husband, I was a basketcase. He has an excellent team of doctors at Sunnybrook Hospital who address all of the sympotoms. If your father has not been referred, you might want to talk to your family doctor eventhough the trips down are very difficult. My husband was prescribed 25 mg of amitriptiline for the emotional lability. He still laughs when exerting himself and cries when we discuss what ALS means to him and our family but he is no longer sobbing and chocking when someone leaves the house, crying over TV shows, etc. It has allowed him to regain some sense of control over his emotions and has the added benefit of improving his sleep.