Still, even after ALS, at the mercy of a controlling women

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hangingon1

Distinguished member
Joined
Jan 29, 2012
Messages
199
Reason
Lost a loved one
Diagnosis
09/2009
Country
US
State
Georgia
City
Chamblee
I am still at the mercy of a controlling woman even with ALS. She always handled the finances, cleaned house and did for me. Now, since she is a quad, I am having to do all she did plus take care of her. Nothing I ever do is enough. She constantly complains about most of the things I do. I believe that she has always had OCD and now with ALS it is just a lot worse. She goes into a fit about nothing and drives me crazy with minutia. I have tried to include her in all I do, but it is not working. I think her mental status if worse than her physical. We used to have a saying about people that were not quite right in the head,
"They are not plumb" Like as a plum bob in a construction project that pointed the correct way. Yes, She a'int plumb.
 
Do you have any love at all for her, it really doesn't seem so. Is there any compassion there, anything at all ? I hope you really aren't as bad as you seem here. I know it is hard and people need to vent but this is really sad that you would talk about her like this. I am beginning to think that you ain't quite plumb.

Dana
 
Stick yourself in a wheelchair for even a day. Look at all that you want to do around you, but can't, because your muscles won't work and hurt. Look at the things that are just out of reach............ Must be frustrating. Now throw in the thought that you will soon stop talking, stop eating and oh yes, stop breathing and die, too soon. Hmmmmm, it's not you I feel sorry for. Now toss in the unloving selfish spouse, who now has to pay the bills.

You can be sure that ALS will eventually solve all your " problems". Why don't you just do your best to make everyday the best for her that you can. That's my husband would do. Lucky me, poor her!
 
bit harsh...harsh ..for richer or poorer in stckness and health , and all that......
 
You, sir, are an *******!
 
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Brooksea, you are the quickest to throw barbs of anyone. Be careful, the barb you throw may come back and hit you.
 
I think you need to count to 10 before making any more posts.

It almost seems like you are intentionally trying to provoke everyone.

Surely you must have realized that this thread would offend everyone.

You need support. Obviously this forum is not cutting it for you.

Both you and your wife are in impossible situations - but the villain here is ALS - not each other.
 
Okay this is my third attempt to get this post posted, so you know I mean business. It takes me too long to post, so here goes.

Johnny, my "husband " must have missed those words in our wedding vows. I saw him through 2 bouts of cancer and numerous car accidents that he almost lost his arm and shoulder and not once did I ever think of leaving him.

Now for you, hanging, I'm sorry that you can't deal with the life GOD has dealt you. I know if I could change things I would. But I am making the best of a bad situation. I am the proud mother of 6 children. One graduated valedictorian of her 2011 class and will be in law school in 1 1/2 years. She has put herself on the fast track. One daughter is getting married in October. I will see that. My two youngest are 11 and 13. I won't get to see them graduate. What I'm trying to get at is not one of us signed up for this life. We are just making the most of what we have. I found GOD gave me a mission that I need to finish and with HIS help I will.

As for your wife,I believe she would be better off at a skilled nursing care facility. And then you will be able to live the life you so richly deserve to live. I have many friends who are in law enforcement and the next church supper we have I will be handing over every post you have written. These officers include the police chief, sheriff, sled officers and even my brother in law on the swat team. Just a heads up. You might want to keep a look over your shoulder. And remember, you mess with one, you mess with all WE are FAMILY and WE are UNITED!
 
I wish he would just be banned again, but in the meantime, just ignore him. He is not worth our time. I will do some investigating to see if I can find out where he is and alert the proper authourities about an elder abuse case being brought against him. For you old timers, remember Pink? I found her, and the situation was handled. Don't mess with me!

EDIT: Toto and I posted at the same time, same message,
 
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Y'know... it sounds like Hangin's wife COULD in fact have some cognitive issues which of course would make her harder to deal with. Thing is.. Hangin' seems so bitter and angry that it's hard to tell whether it's actual cognitive difficulty or just reaction to a not very nice caregiver.

Hanginon, CJ has the right to make comments in this case because she dealt with a husband with dementia. So did I. Trust me, if it felt like you were doing your level best to make things work but were banging your head against the brick wall that is FTD we would be the first to back you up and try to give you ideas to make it work. But.. it just keeps feeling like some important piece of the picture is not just missing, but being withheld.
 
My husband has the cognitive issues, do I get frustrated.yes. Yet I love my husband with all my heart, and will do everything within my power to make his quality of life better, and you better believe he knows how much he is loved.
 
Every morning, before I got out of bed, I would lie in bed and try to stay perfectly still for 5 minutes - absolutely still. I never could do it. Doing this each morning helped me start the day with a clear reminder of what the day held for my husband. I'm not saying I wasn't VERY frustrated sometimes. I honestly had no idea that a human being could function at the level of exhaustion I felt. But NEVER did I feel contempt for my husband as you so clearly feel for your wife. For her safety, I hope you will look into a full care facility for her. Possibly your ALSA could help you find one. As she has been so many, many nights, your wife will be in my prayers tonight.
 
Brooksea, you are the quickest to throw barbs of anyone. Be careful, the barb you throw may come back and hit you.

I don't really know what you meant by that. Please explain.
 
CJ, ignore him. I almost thought he meant karma but that made no sense at all. But we are dealing with someone thatdoesn't have a full deck.
 
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