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Barbie

Extremely helpful member
Joined
Dec 29, 2007
Messages
2,681
Reason
Lost a loved one
Diagnosis
01/2007
Country
US
State
FL
City
orlando
:roll:My husband is making me crazy! He has decided that he wants to be a Vegan so no meat, no eggs, no yogurt, no oils, no butter, cream milk...ARG!

This is in response to my dad's heart attack and a movie that we saw about cardio health. He is worried about a heart attack--really?! So now Mr Skinny is only eating veggies and tofu and soy milk and rice. And, he doesnt want the Benecalorie any more. Oh but he is eating nuts--piles of them ground up. He ordered like 50 lbs of raw nuts (not peanut--he decided he is allergic to them out of the blue). I think they are clogging up his works too if you know what I mean. The worst is he thinks everyone should become a vegan and he is preaching the benefits to everyone. I asked him what his goal was and he said it could not hurt to be Vegan. I replied that it would make him lose weight and that is serious but he countered with the nuts will put on the weight! He wants me to give him about a cup of them a day!

I really don't know how I am going to keep any weight on him. I am mad because I really felt that I had gotten his weight loss undercontrol with the benecalorie and lots of high cal and high fat foods and had gotten him off daily enemas with Miralax. And now meal prep is taking longer because he wants everything prepared special. he has also decided to come inthe kitchen and watch me cook so I don't slip him anything non vegan and tell me how to do everything. I am his sole caregiver and work full time and have kids living at home -- I don't need this extra crap!:x

Just one more thing to make me feel like his personal slave....
 
Maybe with a bit of time it will pass? All those nuts should help keep the weight on. Get in some avocados and bananas they will help too. Some coconut on the fruit, every little bit helps. I think it's sweet he's concerned about you and family, that I can get behind but can't relate to the diet for himself (strictly for cardio reasons). Heck I have to make myself put the seat belt on any more and definitely don't bother with the PAP smear or the mammogram!
 
:-? Sorry to hear this, must be very frustrating. I would not do it. I actually could not do it, as I have no time to prepare even simpler meals. I am not even going to start on the weight loss issue. We are fighting the similar battle where we go from eating nothing, to eating excessively out of fear of loosing too much weght, to being constipated... I do hope it is just a phase.

D
 
One act of desperation after another...that is normal when you are scared. Humor him and let him see what the results are for himself. Ups, downs, flips, and flops. Whatever it takes. Good luck to you, sounds like he is a challenge. My hubby is still master of his domain, even though he is end stage and mostly sleeps. When he is awake, he does his checks and balances to make sure I am not forgetting anything. I don't mind, as there will come a day when I long for it. Hang in there! I will be pulling for you!
 
Please, don't any of you take this the wrong way.

Barbie, I do not know what your husband's limitations are at this point, but sometimes cALS have to just say no. Living with children makes this journey so much more "different." You are only one person. There are limits to your ability to care for your pALS and your kids at the same time. I know the difficulty of trying to balance taking care of the needs of your pALS and then the demands of a kid. It's no easy balancing act. If this is too much on you, you will have to put your foot down and say so. What is he going to do? Yes. I know. He will most likely threaten you. Been there and lived through it.

Do you think your husband may be suffering slight cognitive issues? I mean, that seems awfully controlling and just not right. Anything else going on that would lead you to believe he's not thinking rationally?

I was going to suggest slipping the Benecalorie in, but I see he's thought of that already. Just cause they are smart like a fox, doesn't mean they don't have cognitive issues. I've seen it first hand.

I would not do it unless you think you can really handle the extra work. But, at some point, you will have to draw the line.
 
CJ said everything I was going to say. Sounds like the beginnings of cognitive issues to me too. Latching onto some kind of irrational belief and not giving up on it no matter how much work it makes for the CALS, ordering an absurd amount of any single product ... yup... I'd get an e-mail or phone message to his neurologist and get an evaluation. You might want to look through the FTD forum.. there are a number of conversations about unusual purchases that can eventually lead to seriously flawed financial decisions.

Now as far as all those nuts are concerned... I wouldn't worry about them "slowing things down"... usually an excess of nuts would have the opposite effect.
 
Sounds pretty extreme, is he able to swallow without issues? Why is he worried about heart disease, he's got ALS for goodness sakes! Like sally said, I'm not even bothering with a mammogram, 'cause why bother? My daughter is a vegetarian, thankfully not a vegan... but there are some good premade meals that are vegan, can he eat those? Also, look online for vegan "meats" that you can substitute in your meals, some of them are pretty good. I also think that cognitive issues are involved too.

Good luck!
 
I will say that my husband has always been an extreme dieter--never really even chubby except just before he got ALS. But honestly, over the years he has put me thru the slimfast diet, the all rice diet, the all tuna salad diet, the atkins diet, the all turkey diet and my favorite (just before the vegan thing, ironicly) the all beef diet. Each time it is the latest and greatest and he can tout all the amazing benefits.

It isn't that it is so bad--it is just that he is putting another thing on me....

Yes, I do believe and have for some time that there are cognitive issues going on with him. mild, which makes it really hard to deal with. Others only see his intelligence and don't really know the crazy stuff he does. I guess those who face serious cognitive issues would say that that is worse and it probably is--but when it is mild it is sneaky--he seems fine and then suddenly does or says something really "crazy". He buys stuff all the time on line--I have no control over that. usually it is computer stuff or software or online programs. then he wants me to cancel them... he watches me and my employee at work on cameras and sometimes will send me 15 IMs with 15 different projects to do. (we own a business). He adds things to the website, he changes things without telling anyone. last week he got mad at me and logged on to my computer at work and turned it off becasue I wasnt answering him fast enough. He has 2 of my 5 employees ready to quit because he thinks they are too slow and disrespectful to him. (he works out of the house). we have to remodel our office because we are moving, and he decided that we would do it ourselves (which means me doing it under his direction) instead of hiring a contractor since that is cheaper. Money we don't have is flying out the door along with my sanity. the carpenter called me and said he had sent him about 20 emails in one afternoon while he was working and he was upset that he didnt answer. What happens is that he seems normal unless you deal with him for an extended period. but it is impossible to really put your finger on what is wrong with him.

He was always the guy with 20 projects going on at once--and always handled them perfectly. I like most people do not operate that way and he is very frustrated. I think he sees me as an extension of himself and not as a separate person. I H.A.T.E. A.L.S.
 
Lord have mercy!
I think he sees me as an extension of himself and not as a separate person.

I am so sorry! I know exactly what you are talking about and went through almost the exact same scenario, except for the business (I don't know how you are doing that, also).

It became tough towards the end for us, as I could not keep up with my husband's projects and take care of him, too. But, he expected that of me and could not understand what was so difficult about it.

I wish I had some sage advice, but I have nothing. Just do the best you can and know we are thinking of you...
 
I'm going to give you one piece of advice now (ok, two) ... and I'll probably keep repeating it... start changing passwords now. He'll get mad, he'll threaten, etc etc. But once he's gone, you can't be facing financial ruin at the same time. And CJ knows what else is coming.... start learning to say NO. It's hard. It's hideously hard. But you have to do it. You're right... the intelligence covers up the dementia so many can't see it. It also makes it easier for us as CALS to gloss it over, because we don't want to believe it. But there are serious financial and safety issues ahead of you and if you can get a jump on them, you'll be so much better off, truly.
 
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