I wanna slap the stew outta my pals

[ruthiep]

I'm not gonna get personal on this other than to say, every once in a while I wanna slap the hell outta my PALS for simply being a pain in my ass! I get the fact that this sucks.... but he needs to remember----I'm not the enemy, I'm trying to work with him and I'm truly not Satan----wish he'd throw me a bone so to speak! OKAY, I've vented! Hugs to all!

Ruth

 

[vzandt]

I know exactly how you feel.... To be honest Im sure he would like to slap me once in a while to lol.

 

[brooksea]

I know you don't want to get personal, but is he acting weird? Will he not go with the stuff he needs to help him?

 

[LizT]

I feel ya. Just the other day I told my PALS i wish he could at least move his arms so that when i bought boxing gloves and punched him in the face, it would at least be fair...
He laughed his non-existing ass off- which totally lightened the mood.

 

[patricia1]

now thats funny .I am sure my husband feels the same about me .God bless cals

 

[Miss]

You aren't alone! There were MANY, MANY times that I wanted to slap the stew out of my PALS, too! (No doubt, there were many times he wished he could slap the stew out of me, too!).

 

[caldona]

I believe we all go through this I it's called Stress. My husband bless his heart has 95% of my care last night I was having trouble getting seated comfortable and he said I wish I was dead After he calm down I told him never to wish that he would die to put me in the nursing home but he said he would never do that you see he is 76 had a heart attack, five by passes, three stinks and balloon surgery so taking care of me doesn't help but no matter how bad of a day we have had he always tells me he loves me and if I need him just let him know. We have a girl that comes in three hours a day but she has been sick all week so that means no break for him

 

[susanf]

God bless all of you. Pals should realize all your sacrifices before they give you a hard time. I'm going to tell my husband to pin my picture to a pillow and slap away

 

[olly]

BIG (((HUGS))) TO ALL THE CALS...........when i get in one of my moods i think my son would like to slap me too........but i can use my stick to whack him back.

 

[mysticunicorn66]

We went through this to some extent. She just got really upset when she became no longer able to do certain things by herself any longer. She was extremely independent before ALS reared its ugly head. When she first lost use of her legs, she would lash out at me and throw things sometimes (never at me though). It was just her way of dealing with what was going on with her body and the fact that she was now having to depend on others for things she used to do for herself.

 

[Susan10]

This seems to be a good place to ask this question. I was just diagnosed in late Sept & my primary caregiver is going to have to be my ex, who is certainly willing to step back in to the picture. He's helping out a lot already though not living here yet - probably Feb 1, after we finish remodeling my bed/bathroom for future wheelchair access. Anyway, my question is this. He is pretty much requiring me to say "would you please...(fill in the blank)" when I need or want him to do something to help me. I know he's not a mind-reader, and I feel this is part of the "control issue" we used to have. In other words, if he sees me struggling, he's not going to help unless I say the magic words the right way. For example, I asked him yesterday to move a plant for me but said "could you move this?" and it offended him that I didn't say "would you please". I am an only child, no extended family, one college-age child who is totally unengaged in my situation so it seems to me there's no choice but to acquiesce to his request. Am I blowing this out of proportion or is this something I should bow my head to - looks like I'm going to learn humility. I admit to having always been a strong-willed, independent person. TIA for your comments.

 

[momap53]

Just try to think of it as being courteous. It's really hard to have to ask for help for all the little details that we're so used to taking care of on our own. My daughter reminds me often to say please and not to "order her around" like a drill instructor. I'm quick to say "thank-you" after the fact, but frequently do forget the "please". There's just so gosh darn much that needs to be done!

 

[Susan10]

Thanks momap53 - I know it's really just common courtesy...but what if I someday have to say, "would you please wipe my bottom...would you please put on my socks...would you please wipe my nose...etc" I don't know, maybe by the time we get to that point, we'll both have mellowed out a little bit. Fear. I know.

 

[brooksea]

Susan, I do agree that you should be courteous, but what happens when you get to the point (if you do) that you must struggle to speak due to bulbar or breathing issues and for whatever reason will not/cannot use a speech device? At that point, it would be asking way to much, in my opinion. The occasional genuine indication of gratefulness should be enough. I mean, what will happen when you have fallen and injured yourself? Will you be thinking about saying, "Please would you pick me up and take me to the ER?" while you are writhing in pain or about to black out? More importantly, would HE be waiting for you to say it!

I could be reading too much into what you are indicating your ex is asking of you, but beware. I've never, ever asked my husband to say please and thank you to every little thing. Now, if he's been a real jerk, I might express that a thank you every now and then would be nice.

I don't know, you are in a tough situation. Having a control freak take over as you lose control could be tricky IMHO. One of you may be miserable. Believe me I know, as I was the control freak and had to let go of a lot. I never wanted to control someone else, just my environment. LOL That's completely out the window now and I go insane daily with that issue alone! My point is that unless he is willing to relinquish some control over little things, he will be very unhappy and in turn I predict you will be as well.

I hope you don't take my post the wrong way, but you asked!

 

[HelenL]

It made me think of the marriage counselor articles in magazines, that say to the wife something like "of course he CAN take out the trash" you should ask him "WOULD you take out the trask"? Of course he CAN do whatever, but he is insisting on the "would you..." I would recommend talking to him about it, and point out what a few others have also mentioned, that as you progress, you're going to need him to be onboard with it, and not still be a struggle of control. You're going to have enough struggles without adding to it!

BTW, that child of yours needs to step up to the plate a bit as well, even if only to come and visit and give his Dad a break, and tell you about his/her day. Ignoring you isn't going to make the problem disappear...

I'm in a similar situation as my "ex" (separated for 6+ years) moved back in last year, and we've had some issues with that, mostly due to his not helping me as much as he should, and not paying his own way! So I know where you're coming from. Good luck.