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Barbie

Extremely helpful member
Joined
Dec 29, 2007
Messages
2,681
Reason
Lost a loved one
Diagnosis
01/2007
Country
US
State
FL
City
orlando
Monday morning I got a call as I was getting ready for work--my 85 yo dad had a heart attack and was at the hospital. my sil is visiting for a few days and i left m y husband with her and went over there. he is going to need bypass surgery to survive and has multiple blocks. I spent the day with him, waiting for the cardiologiest to come and tell us what was going on.

he never showed up...

my dad lives alone, I am the only family member in the state. my plate was already full.

I was fine until this morning--I lost it and had a nervous breakdown while i fed lmy husband. I could not impress on my teens and my sil that i can not do it all and could really use some help and no attitude.

I am not super woman and dont pretend to be--i was doing ok with the load until this happen. I have been crying for about 4 hours becasue I am overwhelmed. I am sitting in the hospital watching my dad sleep and have a huge headache.

:cry:
 
Barbie, I'm so sorry for what you're going through. Dealing with a PALS is more than most folks can deal with without the addition of a severely ill parent. You're going to have to ask for help from other family members even if they aren't in state. Those teens are going to have to step up. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
 
Dear Barbie, Deb and you are right. You cannot do all this by yourself. I don't understand why your kids or sil or sibs can't see that. There is no reason they can't help carry the load. If they aren't the compassionate type, do you belong to a church? Or what about your local ALSA Chapter. I know ours has access to lots of helpful resources. I wish I could give you a big huge hug.
 
Dear Barbie, I am so very sorry for what your going thru, it is overwhelming at times, I wished I could help. I offer you my hopes and prayers to get you thru. Ask for help, even demand it if needed. This is only so much one can do and your plate is certainly full enough. I pray for your fathers full recovery. I Love you and will be praying for help for you. Big {{{HUGS}}}
 
Barbie, I am so sorry to hear about your father. The caring for a pals is extremely stressful and now you have your father's illness to deal with. It is such a burden to bare especially by yourself. It is time for your teenagers to step up. Every little bit helps and they need to understand this. You can only handle so much. I hope you can get some type of support to help you through this. Will keep you in my thoughts and prayer.
 
Oh Barbie, it's such a stressful time of the year to start with, never mind caregiving to your hubby and now your Dad...

I was going to ask you what the cardiologist said, then realized he never showed up. Track down the cardiologist, find out what the scoop is, and corral your family members to get their butts over to the hospital to visit their Dad. My StepDad had this procedure done a few years ago, and he's still with us, but it can be a touch and go situation. If your kids can drive, send one of them over to the hospital to visit Grandpa for an hour or so to keep him company. Or sit with their Dad while you go.

Assign who is going to cook the dinner and who is going to clean up. Your SIL can help out here directing the kids as well.

I wish I could help in some way, but now is the time for your siblings and kids to step up and help with your Dad.
 
Barbie. Putting my arms around you and hugging tightly. We all wish we were there to help take the load off. Tell your SIL and teens. To take care of our husband for a while. Grab a glass of your favorite wine. A few of your favorite. Snacks A good book and climb into a bubble bath. Play you favorite song. And let the world slip away for a little while. Then when you have relaxed. Get dressed up and take yourself shopping to your favorite boutique. When my DIL passed away. I had my grandchildren and had to juggle them work making all the arrangements. Trying to get my son home. He was away in the military red cross was helping. When I could take no more. This is what did. Amazing. How it
revived me
Love you
Hugs
Felica
 
Barbie I'm just so sorry to hear about your dad and totally understand the overwhelmed feeling. You're right, you cannot do everything and be everything to everyone. I'm thinking of you and hoping you find a way through....
 
You can handle this....you are already so strong for all that you do, you will just do what you need to do. It will all work out somehow, and you'll be stronger for it. Believe it and make it so.

Hang in there! Hugs, 10starr
 
Barbie, I know where you are coming from. Having a breakdown relieves tension for the moment, but leaves you sapped and really does make you feel like you are crazy. I've just gone through that kind of thing myself. I felt very lost and hopeless and put a plan into place that would depend on family members stepping on board. That plan blew up in my face, so I finally just told myself, "Whatever will be, will be. I'll just do the best I can with what I have to work with. NOBODY had better tell me I'm not doing the best I can, either!"

Unfortunately, if your/his family is anything like those I deal with, you can cry a river and all you will get is what you got: A headache! You can talk until you are blue in the face and the result will be that you are "blue."

So, you go be with your father. Tell the SIL that she will need to help HER brother while you tend to things at the hospital AND help you when you get home. If she can't or won't, so be it. Tell her that is fine, but you will still tend to your father and her brother will just have to cope without you til the situation with your dad is better. Tell your kids, if you celebrate Christmas with gift exchanges, that due to unforeseen circumstances (grandfather) Christmas will be postponed until you can find help unless they can get over themselves and provide the help needed as a "family."

I hope your dad will tolerate the bypass and come through with flying colors! I also hope you will take a big breath and breathe out slowly and tell yourself you can only do what you can do...
 
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Thanks ya'll. I am sapped--hate crying all day. came home and house was clean, laundry was done, pizza ordered, husband fed. everyone very contrite (except sil who wants a gold medal for all she did). Dad cant decide if he will have the surgery or go on drug therapy. brother is flying in from California to help with dad and offered to stay a month since he is retired.

I have been feeling better and stronger lately--dealing with my husband better, hospice is very helpful too. this was just a big set back. I am hoping tomorrow will be a better day.
 
Good news! Hang in there girl!
 
Hi Barbie, I feel your pain....you are not alone.
My Dad is 83 and in the hospital with bad lungs. He has been there 5 days.
I live two hours away. One brother in California and 1 in Texas too far away to help.
I run back and forth because I don't want my husband to be alone. I fear the falls
and the need to help dress him. I don't want my daughter to have to do that. here
it is Christmas time and I am so tired and worn out. My mom died 7 years ago and there
is no other family for him to lean on. He has a lady friend who has been a big help but
you still feel so helpless. I drive 2 hours down and then I don't get to see the doctor or
they don't have this test result or something. Still hanging on, they say want to wait a
couple more days to see if lungs heal but slim chance. Glad to know someone else is
like me. My pals doesn't complain he is so wonderful but I spend all my time worrying
about everyone till you thing you are going insane. Lets stick together. We will get through this. Post again on how your dad is doing. I care. Prayers to you and your family. Pam
 
Princess Warrior fight on, I am so happy some have stepped up to the plate and are helping you now, that is good news! We all need help, and it is ok to cry a river. We are here for you always. I will Pray for you, your husband and father, tomarrow Will be a better day! Sending {{{{BIG HUGS}}}}} to you all. What a great warrior you are!

I Love you...Muwah!
 
Ativan is not just for PALS . . .
 
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