Hi everyone! I think I was having a thanksgiving overload! All comments were very good advice--and all things I have already done. I had the 3 younger ones in therapy, have divided up the chores and given them specifics, talked till I was blue inthe face and even sent them a 4 page email detailing what I needed and what was making me crazy. I got no where.
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Don't get me wrong, they are really good kids and they do alot more that most kids their age. I try not to have them help with the physical work with dad unless I absolutely need them and only ask that they help with the house chores (duh). They will not sit and watch a movie with their dad or spend anytime with him, and love to roll eyes or huff when asked to do anything extra that is not a regular chore. I keep trying to keep it all in perspective--they are teens and most teens naturally avoid family and cling to friends. I guess my problem is I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders and wish I had some help.
My oldest kid really pissed me off over thanksgiving which really started all my mad feelings. .. he is 22 and a grown man so he thinks. he is a 5th year senio in college about an hour from our home. He rarely comes home--and when he does he goes up to his old room and plays computer games the entire weekend, sleeps until noon and stays up all nite. he told us this weekend we were boring. Hello! his dad has advanced ALS--we arenot going out partying very often! I suggested he watch a movie with us--he refused. I suggested he pick one he would like--he refused. I suggested we go out to the movies--he refused. I suggested we go Target--he refused. I suggested we take a walk to the lake--he refused. He wanted to fry the turkey for thanksgiving--great! but would not clean up afterwards becasue "he cooked" . uh, I believe there is more to thanksgiving than the turkey! he is technically and mechanically inclined, but will not help me we anything that is broken or not working in the house. I havent askedhim for any help with the house for at least 2 years because of his mean comments to me last time I asked him to help me with a stripped screw that Icouldnot get out of the wall. (i need to learn how to do things myself, he doesnt want to be responsible...). I can hardly believe he is my boy...and I truely believe he will regret his behavior when his dad is gone.
Well, I don't think there is a solution--but I do feel better unloading!
PS: I may complain, but I would not trade my babies for anything and really, they do have a lot of good virtues (I just can't remember them right now)