I Am Angry

[Shaleta1]

I am up unable to sleep trying to process some feelings concerning a recently lost friendship and it hit me...I am so angry that my sister was diagnosed with ALS. I know most of you are saying I have been there and I can say that to. My sister was diagnosed 3 years ago and I went through a point when I was angry at God and life it self. I thought I had worked through all of that, had returned to church and everything. Lately those feelings are returning and I am having a hard time shaking them. Why her? She doesnt deserve to have life slowly taken away. I could scream! I am so tired of crying and feeling this way. Can someone give me some advice on how to get through these feelings. I am a counselor and have tried every technique on myself lol.

 

[Al]

Have you tried a support group? They're not just for patients.

AL.

 

[notgivnup]

Shaleta, I dont have any quick fix to share with you, or an answer as to why? All I can say is I am so sorry you are having these feelings of despair.
I have found Everyday is a gift, in what ever form it takes, we will not know Why till we get to the one with all the answers. This is where faith comes in for me, I must trust in the one in charge. Do the best I can with what I have and be thankful for every moment of everyday. Am I always strong?, no way!.. I have my moments, I let them out, pull myself together and go on for another moment and another day. None of us knows what tomarrow will bring. When I got my D X my son said I could also have been hit by a bus or had a heart attack also, point being, we must live in the moment, do the best we can, smile and help someone if we can, Love, Live and Laugh, this is our choice. The alternative of wollowing in self pity will make everyone around me miserable. What can I do about the situation any way..nothing, so I must accept it and choose to live as happy as I can thru it all. That is how I do it, I hope it has helped in some small way to put your mind and heart at ease. Just Love her and know you are in His loving arms and you can do this, He can give you the strenght you need.

Praying for strength and the peace that passes all our understanding to calm your thoughts and set your heart at ease. Worrying and unanswered questions cannot change the future. It is also ok to get mad, let it out, then pick up the pieces knowing you are not in charge but you can make a difference in your loved ones life by just being there for her. What else can you do. You are human just like the rest of us. Sending Prayers and HUGS to you.

 

[Shaleta1]

I did try a support group through my local ALS organization but it was mostly case management. Notgivnup...those words being he first words I read this morning really helped to put things back into perspective.you are right can't get to caught up in these moments...wow thanks for giving me a new perspective.

 

[joni51]

I too sometimes have great dificulty believing this is happening to my husband, and wondering why? Wish I had a magic wand or answers..

 

[BarryG]

Diane said it pretty well for me. Although I'm not a person of faith I do believe thst I have a purpose in life even as my physical abilities disappear. Live and love those close to you while you can for no one's future is certain.

 

[Shaleta1]

Thank you all for your words of support and suggestions. This is definitely a difficult journey, I can't say it enough I am glad I found all of you...this forum has been a great help to me !

 

[Gentleman Jim]

Shal,

The story of Alice in wonderland is helpful. Alice is going down the road and comes to a split. She
looks up in the tree and see's the cheshire cat grinning at her. "Which way shall I go, Chessie?"
Well, now that depends, Alice. Where are you going? Alice says, I don't really know. Chessy then
says, "Well, it really doesn't matter then, now does it."

I guess if you don't have a goal or destination bigger than this life, it would be hard to be excited about
death. I don't mean excited to die, I do mean I know I am going to die, therefore I must decide if
that is all there is. Ask, Seek, Knock. Questions will be answered, look for your vision in life,
others who are in the same boat.

Never be captivated with death, but, plan on dying, cause we all are. Praying is fine, if you are out it
the boat and the motor stops, pray, but row for shore.

I know one thing for sure, if I got what I deserved, I wouldn't be writing this post. I do not any perfect
people. Grace is sufficient. Nuff said.

 

[cubcake]

My brother was at a concert the other day, and they had this giant screen where they would project random sayings, periodically. One said, "Aren't avacado's great?" and "Hug someone.....anyone!"

The important one, he called to share with me. It said, "What angers you, conquers you."

Fred has ALS.....ALS does NOT have us! We refuse to be conquered.

 

[Gentleman Jim]

Anger is only one letter from danger.

Jim

 

[Shaleta1]

I am speechless.... everything you all have said, the Alice in Wonderland analogy along with the sayings I need to put with anger... I think I am going to put on my phone " What angers you Conquers You"....I love that! You all have put me in a better place than I was when I posted. Thanks Everyone!

 

[grandmommyk]

I am not sure if I should write this. Since you are a counselor, I am sure you already know it. Maybe it will help someone else though. I have gone to a couple of workshops on grief. Grief is one thing we are all dealing with on this board, even if our loved one is still with us. It is grief over all that has been lost and will be lost, both the dreams and the reality. There are several stages of grief. Anger is one of them. As you also know, the stages of grief do not progress in any certain order. Also just when you think you have finished with the anger, sadness, guilt, denial, etc it can suddenly pop back up when you least expect it. The one speaker gave out sheets of paper with the different stages of guilt written randomly in different places on the paper. She told us to put it on our refrigerator, and each day place the magnet over the feeling we were experiencing. She said as long as the magnet keeps moving we were experiencing grief normally. However if the magnet gets stuck in the same place for several weeks, it would be time to seek help.

One of the hardest things with grief and ALS is that you never have time to finish grieving over one loss before another one comes. If someone had their hand cut off, they would have a period of grieving, but hopefully would adjust and move on. With ALS, before someone even has time to grieve and adjust to the loss of use of a hand, they lose something else. Loved ones see these losses too and also grieve. Maybe some of your sister's recent losses has caused your grief to resurface in the stage of anger. You could do your own paper on the refrigerator. If you are stuck in the anger stage every day, then it maybe time for you to talk and receive help from one of your colleagues. However if all the responses on your post are helping you see things in a different light, maybe you are just in the normal process of grieving again.

 

[Shaleta1]

You are right! That is a good idea to do, I will make my paper on my mirror in my room on today