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Atsugi

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Jan 11, 2011
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5,921
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Lost a loved one
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12/2010
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Orlando
OK, so my wife's always been very supportive of me. She really appreciates when I scratch her--she says it feels practically ORGASMIC when I give her a good scratch behind the butt cheeks. In fact, it actually sounds like she's really, really enjoying it.

In the bathroom, whenever I wipe her private parts--I don't know if all women do that, but it seems to make sense--she smiles and says "good job" and laughs and gives me a little peck on the cheek. We always joke a lot.

Sometimes, when she just can't lift her fork anymore, and I feed her (we're always at restaurants for every meal) she looks sad, but she never gets mad.

She even arranged for my respite, which is to say that the VA would take her into the VA Living Center while I went on vacation. I haven't. Can't imagine leaving her for even a day.

Then, once, while watching a TV ad for a movie, she said to me that IT WOULD BE ALRIGHT WITH HER IF I GOT A "FRIEND WITH BENEFITS." She said she felt bad that she couldn't meet my needs anymore, and wanted me to feel free. Hmmm. So I jokingly asked her if she had someone in mind. :) Ha ha. But I think she was serious.

Coincidentally, a married woman (and nurse) I haven't seen since the Class of '73 emailed me from a thousand miles away to say she had a friend who could arrange a nice hotel room at the airport in her city if I needed a respite. And, oh by the way, her marriage isn't all that good and SHE ALWAYS HAD A CRUSH ON ME. Even named one of her kids after me. Hmmm. Again. Hmmm.

SO THERE IT IS. Let's vote. What's a good respite idea? Anybody tried out respite? Does it work?
 
What kind of respite are you talking about? Help with your wife or sex help?
 
Are you asking for permission to go cheat on your wife? If so you sure won't get that from me.

I hope I have misinterpreted your post but I have to tell you the whole thing just really rubbed me the wrong way.

I can't speak for her but have to think she would be really hurt if you got a friend with benefits. Even though she said it. It is obvious she is used to always taking care of your needs from many angles and I'm sure one her greatest frustrations right now is knowing that she can no longer.

Does your wife enjoy going to restaurants for every meal? It enters my mind if she gets to the point she can't lift her fork and you are feeding her, that her progression is such that she may enjoy eating in the comforts of home more.

I'm glad you are there to care for her but am also wondering how much of your focus is on how she feels compared to how you are feeling right now? Both of your needs are important but make sure you are consider not just her physical needs but also her emotional ones as they are just as if not more important.
 
I am really confused by your post. I second Joni's response...what kind of respite are you talking about?
 
Sounds like John Edwards to me and his wife with cancer. Just be sure you don't use any "campaign funds while you're away.
 
TROUBLE! With a capital T! You say this person has always had a crush on you, and name a child after you? STAY AWAY, or you'll be finding dead bunnies in your kitchen.
 
If my husband did anything like that I would muster up every ounce of my Italian fury. He would have to sleep with one eye open.
 
Want a suggestion for a good respite - How about a cold shower? Get some exercise by taking a walk and keep your fantasy's about other women to yourself. I have had ALS for two years, but I still have enough strength left to teach you some lessons about respecting your wife and what she is going through. How you support her and comport yourself is what defines you as a man.
 
jrscott3,

You get a standing ovation from me on your response!

Thank you for saying what I've been thinking!
 
How old are you? Really? Im 28 years old and this sounds absolutely absurd to me! Sounds like a 17 year old kid...
 
I find the quick answer of "my spouse is dying from ALS" usually puts an end to any romantic offers....If you really need a break, how aboit go to a movie with a MALE friend, or go hang in Barnes &Noble for a few hours alone.
 
I find the quick answer of "my spouse is dying from ALS" usually puts an end to any romantic offers....If you really need a break, how aboit go to a movie with a MALE friend, or go hang in Barnes &Noble for a few hours alone.

YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT. Sigh... Well, I guess I have to get on the celebacy bus. But thanks for listening. Gotta go to the bookstore now with my tail tucked between my legs.;-) -- Mike
 
I totally get the needs not being met issue. :( not sure your old friend would be a good idea tho. I might have a convo with my hubby if he said he would be ok with me getting a fwb. Talk it over so you are both on the same page. If it something you both are comfortable with I say go for it. Maybe she would be willing to watch?

Curious- IF you were to go see your old friend would you tell your wife? Any or all the details?
 
Thanks, all.

Joni, irscott... "What's a good respite idea? Anybody tried out respite? Does it work?" Nobody seemed to get past the shocking INDECENT PROPOSAL and come up with a good respite idea. Again, sigh.

HAS ANYONE DONE A RESPITE? Have any suggestions? What were the results?

I can't imagine leaving my wife for a week. She's actually seriously suggested that she could move into a (very nice) nursing home for a couple of weeks so I could take the kids white-water rafting (an experience she had that she wants us to have).

EP, your curiosity question is most welcome. IF, IF I were to ever get some strange, I would never, ever admit to it even under fire, not no way, no how. Not even if it was FWB that was agreed to. After 5 years of sea duty, two marriages, and 16 years overseas, I've been there, done that--on both sides of that SNAKE PIT. You gotta keep it to yourself, cuz it hurts people. At that level, I'm not sure that the trust can ever be earned back. And the details! The details will form associations in the mind that will burn forever, never letting the memory fade from the victim's mind. I think talking about it would do more harm than the act itself.

"...willing to watch?" Hehehe. Indeed. I think I like your sense of humor.
 
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