Jason's Dream
Distinguished member
- Joined
- Sep 5, 2010
- Messages
- 310
- Country
- US
- State
- As Usual
- City
- On My Own
I'll write about today then when I have a chance update on some other things going on.
Today we entered the final chapter on this journey.
Today we started interviewing 1 of 2 hospice agencies. I have needed help with Jason's care for quite some time, but have been waiting on equipment to get in before taking that step (as they will not be covered once he is in hospice). Both of his doctors have been wanting to refer him since January. I have known this day was coming and had thought I had prepared myself for this day. I thought, once this day came, I'd feel a sense of relief, that we finally have the help that Jason needs, but thats not what I felt at all. Instead, today hit me like a ton of bricks, with the realization that this is the start of the final chapter of our love story here on this earth. I have walked with my sweetheart through each stage of this journey and we have learned to adapt and keep on going. With this chapter, we have arrived at the final chapter and know that it won't be long now till we are seperated by death. I guess with all this realization, it hit me just as hard as the day we were told of Jason's diagnosis. I have been in the caregiver roll for a while, worrying about taking care of his physical needs, and today was another reminder of the bigger picture of what is going on, and how very short our time together is. Its been a very emotional day. I've been in tears, and its been hard to breath. I feel like I can't do this, and am not ready to say goodbye to my beloved. I texted a friend, whose words were soo encouraging, I'd like to type them here:
"You've served your husband as Christ led you to do, and now it is time for you to let someone else serve his medical needs so that, as you two walk this part of the journey, you can focus on Jason emotionally and spiritually. You have the very rare and precious - and tough - privilege of escorting your husband into the Presence of Jehovah. Only a very strong, dedicated love could do that, and that's the love with which you and Jason were blessed. No one else can walk this part of the journey with him. Only the person who loves him most on earth can hold him in her heart as he is given back to his Creator. How God trusts you!"
I am proud to walk this road with my sweetheart. To hold his hand as he takes his last breath here on earth and to love him with all of my heart. I do not regret one moment I have with him. I won't let go.
This journey isn't easy, but it is soo worth it. I have loved with all of my heart. Have been blessed to have fallen in love with my best friend, my confidant, my shoulder to cry upon, my cheer leader, my lover, my soulmate, my help mate, my husband, and the father of our children. We have been blessed with two children on earth, and when he takes his last breath, I know he will go to heaven and take care of our 2 angels in heaven until we are all reunited again. This is what I try to comfort my weary heart with.
I hope that through this journey, although I am human, and I am weak, that I can do Jason proud and be the strength and the helpmate he needs as he walks this final chapter on earth and starts a new one in heaven.
Today we entered the final chapter on this journey.
Today we started interviewing 1 of 2 hospice agencies. I have needed help with Jason's care for quite some time, but have been waiting on equipment to get in before taking that step (as they will not be covered once he is in hospice). Both of his doctors have been wanting to refer him since January. I have known this day was coming and had thought I had prepared myself for this day. I thought, once this day came, I'd feel a sense of relief, that we finally have the help that Jason needs, but thats not what I felt at all. Instead, today hit me like a ton of bricks, with the realization that this is the start of the final chapter of our love story here on this earth. I have walked with my sweetheart through each stage of this journey and we have learned to adapt and keep on going. With this chapter, we have arrived at the final chapter and know that it won't be long now till we are seperated by death. I guess with all this realization, it hit me just as hard as the day we were told of Jason's diagnosis. I have been in the caregiver roll for a while, worrying about taking care of his physical needs, and today was another reminder of the bigger picture of what is going on, and how very short our time together is. Its been a very emotional day. I've been in tears, and its been hard to breath. I feel like I can't do this, and am not ready to say goodbye to my beloved. I texted a friend, whose words were soo encouraging, I'd like to type them here:
"You've served your husband as Christ led you to do, and now it is time for you to let someone else serve his medical needs so that, as you two walk this part of the journey, you can focus on Jason emotionally and spiritually. You have the very rare and precious - and tough - privilege of escorting your husband into the Presence of Jehovah. Only a very strong, dedicated love could do that, and that's the love with which you and Jason were blessed. No one else can walk this part of the journey with him. Only the person who loves him most on earth can hold him in her heart as he is given back to his Creator. How God trusts you!"
I am proud to walk this road with my sweetheart. To hold his hand as he takes his last breath here on earth and to love him with all of my heart. I do not regret one moment I have with him. I won't let go.
This journey isn't easy, but it is soo worth it. I have loved with all of my heart. Have been blessed to have fallen in love with my best friend, my confidant, my shoulder to cry upon, my cheer leader, my lover, my soulmate, my help mate, my husband, and the father of our children. We have been blessed with two children on earth, and when he takes his last breath, I know he will go to heaven and take care of our 2 angels in heaven until we are all reunited again. This is what I try to comfort my weary heart with.
I hope that through this journey, although I am human, and I am weak, that I can do Jason proud and be the strength and the helpmate he needs as he walks this final chapter on earth and starts a new one in heaven.