He is insisting....

[Chase_Corin]

I think it is a drive in them to control the things that they can control. and if you arn't helping them reach their goals your hindering them.

My dad is convinced that he can still drive. He gace up driving over a year ago, but still has his lisence. Every couple days he mentions it to me, about getting him in the truck to drive and just go down some of the back roads.

He says its just in case somthing happened to mom and he needed to get some help.

Is it wrong of me to be thinking that if he ever got in the truck he would go crash it and try to take his own life?

Every time he mentions it we try to dismiss it and just go on with life, it has gotten to the point where we had to remove the keys from the keybox and I actually had to steal my dad's keyring and remove his spare key. He hasn't noticed yet but I am sure he will....

He hasn't had strength in his arms or legs in months and could never apply propper pressure or even steer for that matter.

I told him if anything ever happend to mom that he could call 911 and they will come even if he can't talk on the phone.

Has anyone had somthing simmilar happen with their PAL?

 

[Katie C]

We definitly had to remove the car keys from Glen's keyring. He would periodically insist he was going somewhere. we didn't argue, just redirected the conversation.

 

[heymom05]

Oh, just ake him to the country and let him drive on an old road. I am not recommending letting him drive every day, but every once in a while to give him a little thrill....

 

[trfogey]

My neuro told me that there were two activities in particular that most PALS fought to the bitter, bitter end before admitting that they could no longer do them. The first was wiping one's behind after defecating. The other is driving a car.

The first is a loss of dignity -- a loss of the ultimate physical privacy in front of loved ones and even strangers. Everyone understands that. Nobody wants to be in that position in front of strangers. Even fewer want to be in front of their children and only reluctantly consent to it with a spouse.

The second is a loss of independence. Unfortunately, fewer people can relate to that and, worse yet, think nothing of dismissing another's concern about it. And being dismissed is a further loss of dignity.

If your dad voluntarily gave up driving a year ago and suddenly wants to take it up again, something's changed. This may be an early sign of dementia -- a desire to engage in risky behavior often is. Maybe he is suicidal and sees this as his last chance to get off the train -- and no one who actually has this disease would blame him for it.

Or maybe he really does have valid concerns about danger to your mother and is afraid that 911 will take her away and leave him behind, with no way to follow her and no way to communicate his need for help in following. Instead, he has to wait for somebody to remember him in all the hubbub, to come and pick him up -- maybe help him clean up and dress -- then take him to the hospital, hoping and praying the whole time that she didn't die before he had a final chance to say "I love you" to in her still living ear.

Stop dismissing him. Talk to him. Do whatever it takes to figure out what's behind this.

 

[Chase_Corin]

thanks trfogy,

I never think of it as dismissing him and I have to admit thinking about it while reading your responce that I kinda am. I am avoiding the topic and by doing that I am not engageing him in why he wants to drive again or what the thought behind it is.

Dad is still able to speak so talking to him now when he is able to explain dad and I are a lot alike and I have to admit that I don't explain things well myself and I really need for both he and I to work on our communication issues.

 

[Miss]

If your dad has lost arm and hand strength, can he even turn the key? That stopped my husband when he thought he could still drive after a long absence. He could no longer turn the key or put the car in gear.

 

[brooksea]

Lost my msg...will try again.

Turning the key in the ignition did not stop my husband. He decided he could not wait 15 minutes for me to shower in order to take him to one of his favorite stores. He found a tool that helped him turn the key. I think he scared the hell out of himself and he hasn't even mentioned driving since.

We live in a semi-rural area and he used to love finding all the backroad shortcuts from the "city hub." He used to take me around and show me all that he had discovered.

Maybe your dad also misses seeing all that he discovered on his backroads. Take him for a ride...talk to him about what he sees...