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[joni51]

Ok for the past week all I have heard is crap from Bruce's sister, his exwife, his kids. They are all like a bunch of vultures waiting to see what they are entitled too. I have tried to stay out of it, but I exploded on the ex last week. All over the sale of his mom and dad's house and life ins policy. Why are people so greedy? They never come see him, or ask anything unless they want something. I just feel so bad for him. My dang head hurts from dealing with everything! How do all yall deal with this?

 

[Katie C]

Throw things... preferably ones that make big loud noises.

 

[notme]

Yes--throwing things helps. Punch things (have found pillows are safe!) Ignore the vultures. Hugs--I wish we could help somehow. Writing helps me, but I realize that doesn't work for everyone.

 

[CoachMeg]

Joni - I don't have any words of wisdom. Just know that you can come here and vent, yell, scream and we will all be here to pick you back up. You are doing amazing things for your husband. I personally think you have every right to call them out on their bad behavior. But do it once, and wash your hands of them. If they choose to come around, great. If not, continue to love and support your husband.

Love and light
Meg

 

[kmendsley]

There is one way I have dealt with this before it happens to me. I have also seen this happen quite frequently in my family when my grandmother died. When I received the first diagnoses of ALS a year ago I did everything to put my life into order while I still could. This meant, a living will, my funeral arrangements(the entire mass, the songs used...ok well you don't have to go this in depth...I am a choir director for the church so it was something I wanted) down to the very last things like who will get my Bible and my valuables. It is all in one place safe with a person I trust. So when it gets to the point where people start to visit and make sure they "mention" everything they like in my house and see how far gone I am I can just say everything is taken care of. My stuff will go directly to the people/organizations I mentioned in my will and that is the end of the conversation. They know then there is not much changing my mind, since it is already authorized in writing, and I know when I am gone that my things will be going to the proper places. Hope this helps and I am sorry for people who act like vultures. Here to support you in anyway
Kell Bell

 

[Ladyinn]

Joni, here is what my mother inlaw told me a long time ago when I? was stressed with work and a teenager! Try it - it worked for me.

Bake a cake, then dump it in the sink and take a potato masher to it while screaming people's names that are stressing you. (Preferably use the side of the sink with a garbage disposal so when done you can wash them down the drain!)

Hang in...

Hugs,

Diane

 

[Lavender Lady]

Joni, I am sorry you have to experiance this. I am gifting things to people now and we have a will. What ever is left stays here. Good for you standing up to them. Love your hubby and forget the rest.

 

[momofsixkids60]

Joni, muy gramdmothre is 95 nyrs old. Sjhe has a wiol in place but 4 manuy of th itens in hjer huose, shje has told evrey1 thjat whatecer

tjhey gace her is thjeirs 2 tale back. $ turms pepole. IDK Y. Bacl in 1984 ish, muy yuomgre sistre brouhgt her newboen home from hosp. I

had thje 1st grandchlid; a bouy. Muy paernts jhad maed thjeir will givimg me 1/3 of property im 1 aerea & 1/2 in amothre aerea (here's c

omes th pronlen)-. Muy sistres argude ocer tjhe will (I did nort know abuit the will) & who wsa gettimg wjhat. I was shovked! Tjhey

terated me like dirt 4 a lomg X. I tolkd my paermts I didm't want any of it, I wuold rathre hace them livimg. The big thing abuort this is mu

paernts were in theoir 40's! Now thjey R in their 70's & strill giong stromg. & muy oldre sistre is still wamting it all & sje has $. Me, whjat

I wamt R tjhe old home mocies thjat we usde 2 wacth when we werr kids! I wamt my kids 2 see how we jhad fun. I just kmow my heart is

in thje rihgt place!

 

[Alyoop]

So sorry Joni. It wasn't till I met my MIL, that I even realized selfish people existed. I was 20 and oh what a shock. She threatens us with cutting her out of her will if we don't do what she asks. Well we don't want a thing from her, so it goes over our head, I just plain stopped talking to her a years ago. She's not my relative ( not really) so I will not deal with her. Just ignore them. Must admit Diannes idea is great, but I would then eat the cake in my frustration, put on weight and be even more stressed..............sigh. I intend to leave nothing behind. I will spend or give away my money and possessions before I die. Getting the timing right is the issue.

 

[momofsixkids60]

Aly, I thuohgt the dsame thing abuot thje cake! I wuoldm't wamt 2 waste it.

 

[brooksea]

My dang head hurts from dealing with everything! How do all yall deal with this?

I come to this forum and vent! That's how I deal!

Joni, you will have to eventually dismiss them from your life, as they will not help you. Then if one comes around to truly help, you will be blessed.

As for the money from his mom/dad's estate...stay strong!

 

[snugd35]

When I have a really crappy day this is the things that make me feel better.....
Friends-they hug and make me laugh
Music-Turn it up loud lock the door or go in a car and just shut the world our for 5 minutes...
Punching things--pillows are safe but I like a little of the pain...
Working out/running-Letting off steam helps
Chocolate/ice cream--enough said I think...
A drink--not a lot just a nice glass of wine seems to help
Bath-relaxing
Writing--get it out dont keep it in..writing is a safe private way
Pray-if you are religous

 

[tdamess]

when they do come ask them why they are comming , that you are only asking because he needs people with smiles on thier face and thier problems left at thier house as he has enough of his own , could they bring a flower or a book , old pictures to talk of old times just something little to put a smile on his face ... or just tape a message as visitors rules to your front door

 

[joni51]

Hmm his two daughters are coming tomorrow, let me see the youngest lives 25 minutes away...she has seen him 3 timessince christmas. The other daughter may live 2 mile down the road...she comes when she needs something.Of course tomorrow we will be swimming and grilling, naturally they Never offer to bring anything, I will have to just stay away from them or else put a false smile on the old face. They have done so little for him, and hurt him and me til I really don't even feel comfortable around them. But I try to remeber they are his kids, he loves them, and they will have to live with what they did or did not do for him. Diane I have an awful sweet tooth so I would tear into that cake..lol Now a punching bag I might could do..hmmm

 

[Chase_Corin]

Joni,

I hope his daughters come and see all that you have been doing for him. Maybe grow a consience?
My parents have always been the caregivers of the family, keeping in touch with everyone, asking if everything is alright and calling just to say we hadn't heard from somone in a while.
Dad's family is down to his cousins whom is has generally been close with but they never call.... it is always us that needs to put in the effort. Nobody offers support and I understand how frustrating it can be.
My mom's family is huge and again we never hear from them...
Thankfully none of them are vulture-like hovering around to see what they get. But I can understand feeling that as family somthing like this should bring the family more together to support eachother more.

Maybe when his daughters come over and they start wanting and needing things from him you should throw a glass of water in their faces and tell them that was the last because the well has dried up.