Advice

[joni51]

Tomorrow I am going to a lawyer to see about having wills and poa drew up for me and Bruce. Any words of advice on things I should ask?

 

[Jason's Dream]

We did a POA for Jason and one for myself. We also both drew up Living Wills and Last Wills for each of us. Stating who would raise our children, should I die at some point as well. In the even that you can't do the duties for the medical or durable POA, who does your husband want to do his POA? Same for yours? Also, if people want to send you funding to help out, you might ask about setting up a fund to help out and say who is the trustee of that account, and who are the beneficiaries, etc. Hope this helps. Good luck.

 

[Jellycat]

Sorry Joni, no words of wisdom but I just know that for me the poa was emotive so sending lots of love for tomorrow.

 

[joni51]

What is the difference in living and last wills? All of our kids are grown so we don't have to worry about that.

 

[rcharlton]

A will deals with your property.

A living will deals with your body. It sets out your wishes regarding your health care in the event you can't speak for yourself. Issues like life support, resuscitation, palliative care are dealt with.

We just had a discussion about living wills here:

https://www.alsforums.com/forum/people-als-pals/15538-now-what-do-i-do.html

In addition to a power of attorney for property you may want a power of attorney for health or personal care. In the event you become incapacitated, this document will allow a designated person to make decisions about your health care. Otherwise these powers may fail to a public trustee.

Good luck

 

[brooksea]

and ask about POA for finances. You may eventually have to take over and NObody will speak to you without his consent regarding bills in his name, or property in his name.

 

[joni51]

Thanks all for the advice, I have written it all down.

 

[Jason's Dream]

Living will, or advanced directive has to do with what you want, as far as measures to be taken in your last days and moments. Do you want a feeding tube? Do you want a feeding tube if its the only thing sustaining life? Resuscitation? Do you want to be put on a vent or trach? Do you want to be taken into the hospital when you are in distress? etc.

Also we have 2 POAs - 1 medical POA and 1 durable (which deals with finances and property).

Hope this helps.

 

[CoachMeg]

Interesting topic. I have an additional question. We did a health directive through Kaiser and made my husband's wishes known and identified me as a decision maker for him. Is that enough? Should we too do a power of attorney?

I appreciate the advice!
Love and light
Meg

 

[notme]

Interesting topic. I have an additional question. We did a health directive through Kaiser and made my husband's wishes known and identified me as a decision maker for him. Is that enough? Should we too do a power of attorney?

I appreciate the advice!
Love and light
Meg

No, it's not enough, Meg. You should also have a POA for financial issues as well. Even though you're the spouse, no one can legally discuss any financial issues with you technically regarding him without his consent.

With the reality of insidious things like FTD, it's a good idea to have those things in place earlier rather than later.

Many people mistakenly believe that a DNR means "Do not help" -- it does not. It simply means do not give CPR, etc. Some people I've worked with in the past had issues where healthcare workers wouldn't call 911, for instance, for any reason--falls or anything--thinking they weren't supposed to give any assistance.

I'm definitely going to have a medical POA and a legal POA filled out making my daughter the one to make and all decisions with my wishes known.

Also--a DNR order, or living will, can be changed or revoked at ANY TIME. I've also worked with people with a DNR order that changed their minds and decided they wanted treatment.

Hope that helps.

 

[Katie C]

Meg... you'll want both a financial and a health care POA, and you're going to want copies to keep with you at all times.. you just never know when something might come up, and if you're not at or near a Kaiser facility, then you're stuck without decision making ability! Kaiser also made copies of both POA's and kept them with Glen's records.

 

[joni51]

What is Kaiser Katie? My appointment has been rescheduled til wednesday...lawyer still in court.

 

[Katie C]

Joni... Kaiser is our insurance carrier.. an HMO. It IS good to have a health care directive on file with your doctor, the hospital you use, and even the insurance company. And as I said.. I kept copies in my purse. And when Glen was going to day care (a true godsend) they had copies of everything on file also.

 

[joni51]

Wow there was a daycare you could carry him too?

 

[Katie C]

There was... it was a dementia specific daycare... large, beautiful facility, he could walk around outside, they played "golf" (they had a little putting green) and foosball (to this day I have no idea how he did that)... the folks there loved him and could handle even his weirdest days gracefully. He went three days a week, and I do believe it saved my sanity. The first day he went, I had all these plans of things I was going to do... I went home and slept for 3 hours! It was primarily an Alzheimer's facility but they did take FTD patients also... the director said in her 10 years there Glen was her 5th FTD person. I think I found them through ALSA when I was looking for caregiving and respite help.