Trying to plan a get away

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kelly

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US
State
ny
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saratoga springs
Hello everyone,
I am 5 years in with caregiving for my hubby. I am trying to plan a 24 hour get away weekend to go to NYC with our boys 7&9. I have not left him for more than 2 hours at a time for 2 years. Why do I feel so guilty about wanting to spend this time with my boys. Why is it so challenging logistically to plan coverage......
It is almost more work than it is worth.......but is it?
Guess I just need some support....and not really solutions. love from Saratoga.
 
Go with your boys! They need your attention too! I understand that we feel that we are never truly off-duty, but plan as best you can. I think you will find that it will well be worth your effort. Takes lots of photos to share with hubby when you get home.
DO NOT, I repeat, Do NOT feel guilty for giving yourself and your boys a nice break.
Janis
 
Coming from a pal’s point of view I insist my wife get away from me the house. It’s bad enough I’m a prisoner to this sickness but her and the kids don’t have to be. Remember this you’re a wife and mother. There needs to be a line between caregiver and the rest. If not feelings that separate the three become a blur and mixed up. have fun on yourtrip. its only 24 hr
 
If you can find the coverage, I would make it for at least 36 hours!
 
You are not giving yourself enough credit! If you can afford it and can find someone to take care of your husband while you are gone, get at least two nights away!

I hope you will update us, telling us what a good time you and your boys are having!
 
Kelly Go you need the time away with your kids and just to feel normal for all of you, plus rest...
 
Kelly - 5 years. Wow. I'm pooped and I'm only here a fraction of that time. I know what you mean about guilt though. The advice I'd give myself (if I would only take it!) is steel yourself and go for it. Once you have done it once it will be easier to do it again. Although I imagine coverage is hard to get, and such a hasstle clueing them into what you do as second nature now, it will be worth it in less worries while you are away. Most of all, I just hope you and your boys have a great time. Go for it!
 
Kelly, I hope that you can find a way to make the trip. You deserve it!
 
Sounds really familiar! I'm in the same boat and would love to get away with just the kids. So much effort goes into each day just doing what you have to do for everyone. Your kids need to be with you when your not caring for your husband. Show them your attention and love without distractions, show them that you are healthy and vibrant. Just as they worry about your husband and his condition, they worry about you too. Have fun! When the kids and I do activities without my husband, I send him lots of pictures with captions from my phone. Then when we walk in the door, he has lots of questions for them, high fives and something to talk with them about (other than homework!). Once you get to your destination all will be well. Getting out the door is the hardest part.
 
Kelly, please do it. There is no need to feel guilty. I wish you could all get away from us for some refreshing time, whether with your children, or with a friend. I know there are some PALS who cannot let their spouse out of their sight, and I honor the CALS who hold onto their sanity (dear Missy) but while Phil is an hour away or next door doing his job, or in his workshop building something fun for him, I want him to get away from being my caregiver whenever my girlfriends can take care of me. I want a husband first of all... I know I'm weird, but I don't think that's one of my weirdnesses...?
 
Kelly, go for it and do not feel guilty. I'm sure hubby's will love to hear the stories when you get back
 
Kelly, I hope you go..a good respite for everyone renews the spirit. God Bless, Christina
 
Look at it this way... it's this hard for you to find coverage... and you're doing it all yourself! You NEED this break... enjoy it!
 
I want him to get away from being my caregiver whenever my girlfriends can take care of me. I want a husband first of all... I know I'm weird, but I don't think that's one of my weirdnesses...?

Ann, I couldn't agree more! My wife is a wonderful caretaker and would rather do it herself, but I want her to continue to be my wife and that means doing at least some of the things she's always enjoyed. Kelly, take the time and enjoy your children, it will be good for all of you
 
Kelly, you know I'll stand in for you. Pick your overnight, weekend or no, doesn't matter to me, I can always get time off (except for one week in April). I can take care of Andrew. I'd be happy to give you the break.

Dick
 
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