Nervous for the Last Days

[LornaDoone]

I am so nervous for the last days. I believe we still have at least a year, barring some unforseen circumstance. But am nervous still. We are definately of the living with the disease mentality and not dying of it. We still do as much as the both of us have the energy for. But breathing continues it's decline and hand strength and dexterity are all but lost. Movement is becoming a thing of the past. She has been living with the disease for about 5 years now. Her decline overall has been very slow with pockets of progression here and there. I am nervous that her last days will see lots of suffering. Nervous that she wont be able to communicate with us and this will last a really long time. Nervous about how the rest of the family will do during this period.

I'm not sure why I feel the need to be stressing about these things. It's definately not my usual style. *puzzled*

OMG.. Also been stressing about what will happen if something happens to me. UGGH.. Been waking up with little panic attacks in this regard. My kids, my PALS, my spouse. I think it's time I pay attention to my own mental health for a bit. Of no use to anybody if I go down.....

 

[Pepper]

I have been nervous the past week, heart sinking in dread, fearing everything and everybody till I notice it and took a grip on my fears. I thought due to the fears, my husband was going to go soon, he almost did, choking on his mucus but as my mother would say, it is not his time yet. He bounces back. I hate that fear, that sinking pit in my gut, that feeling of dread. And anxieties about the future. I do not get my spouse's retirement and am too young to qualify for his ss. We do have rentals, I have those. And then I told myself to calm down, to trust in life, in divine providence. God has taken care of us this far, to trust in Him, in life to take care of me.

In Feb it will be a year when I first learn of it, and over 3 years from the start of his symptoms.

 

[Miss]

I know right where you are with your fears. I have the same thoughts, especially worrying about something happening to me. Who would care for my PALS, my children, my dogs? I, too, let it go and put my faith in God. My PALS has had a very rapid decline, also. 9 months since diagnosis, 18 months since the first signs. Movement and speech are quickly becoming a thing of the past. It's hard to wrap my mind around it.