I wonder - could we believe we are holding up very well and then stress creeps up on us unaware? I usually am able to cry the necessary tears only and then keep going, isolating feelings. Recently, I would find myself needing to cry and once I start, I could not stop. I am essentially alone apart from hospice help. My husband's daughters does not want anything to do with him, they do not return calls. They like me a lot but not their father hence they do not return calls. My family do not like him also and prefer not to hear too much about him and Als which is unnerving for them. Hence hospice is about my main and only support. I googled and found we could get affected psychologically. It makes me determine to save myself - again by compartmentalizing. Due to a very wounded past, I am a pro at that. But because of that also, I learned layers and layers of hurt could accumulate till it erupts one day and one realize there is more there than one realize. It came to me, stress can be the same way.
In a way it is harder for me because due to his make up as a person, my husband is not the type who would think of others or feel for others. It is up to me to take care of myself. He is not nurturing and would not even know how to think of me. Now you can see why I need to remain incognito to be freer to share. My husband to his daughters and my siblings is not someone I should cry for or feel compassion for. I do cry for him and do feel compassion for him. It is a strange situation to be in. I knew when I was 42 I should leave him. I could not bring myself to and life was comfortable enough and I did not. He has frontal lobe dementia which makes him gentle, and sweet. The nurses love him and it is this gentle sweet person, incapable fo meanness I see and often forget the past till I am reminded of it.
I do laugh a lot and easily and will use that as a tool apart from my gardening, and meditation.
In a way it is harder for me because due to his make up as a person, my husband is not the type who would think of others or feel for others. It is up to me to take care of myself. He is not nurturing and would not even know how to think of me. Now you can see why I need to remain incognito to be freer to share. My husband to his daughters and my siblings is not someone I should cry for or feel compassion for. I do cry for him and do feel compassion for him. It is a strange situation to be in. I knew when I was 42 I should leave him. I could not bring myself to and life was comfortable enough and I did not. He has frontal lobe dementia which makes him gentle, and sweet. The nurses love him and it is this gentle sweet person, incapable fo meanness I see and often forget the past till I am reminded of it.
I do laugh a lot and easily and will use that as a tool apart from my gardening, and meditation.