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adkdreams

Active member
Joined
Jan 8, 2010
Messages
72
Reason
CALS
Diagnosis
08/2007
Country
US
State
New York
City
Bloomingdale
Ok so the first time in a long time without feeling guilty I was at lunch and headed to a football game with a friend. Don was going to met us at the game with his brother who was at our visiting. (not to mention this adds a whole new level of stress) So i was waiting for our food when I get a call from our son saying dad fell, bite his lip and is all red.

So having no car with me ask my friend to get me home ASAP as I know this type of chain of events which sends him into a panic attack, throwing up, continual biting of his tongue or lip, and respiratory distress. So we get in the car and are rushing home 10 minutes minium on a good day.

So on our way home of course you get behind slow people who refuse to move even with blinkers and horns going. IGNORANT. So I am calling back home to have my daughter get his bi-pap, suction, and cough assist put back together so I can have it ready when I get there. (needless to say she is only and and does a great job at this) The equipment was not set up as it was "cleaning" day. I am talking to my son during this and he is telling me dad is all red and can't breathe and they are trying to get him upstairs, now mind you he is 2 levels down fell,refluxed and is now in respiratory distress. When I get home everyone is in our room with him my brother in-law, sister in-law, two nieces and my two kids. I walk in and he is red, blue, gagging, eyes rolling sweating, I guess you can say I paniced (didn't feel paniced) and just hooked up the peg tube and gave 1.0 mg of morphine, after a like 2 minutes I realized I did it wrong it was only suppose to be .25mg. I lost it called a great friend who is a nuero PA and explained what I did and said get him to the hospital so they can reverse it it my labor his breathing too much. Great so off we go get there and have to tell them what happened, it is the worse feeling ever that I can't let go of.

I screwed up big time, now he is in the hospital, it is a small town so many people already know what has happened, my brother in-law who really doesn't get everything told my in-laws what has happened and I am currently not on good terms with them, my kids know I screwed up and the list goes on.

How can I handle a more emergent situation if I can't even give him the right meds when he needs it. This is nothing compared to what can happen down the road and now after being told what a great job I have been doing with everything I feel so incompenent and like a failure.

Any ideas how to get over this, I believe this is my breaking point and I am scared @#*%less.

Jodi
 
PS I spent the night in the hospital came home to shower he is doing great a few bumps in the road regarding his breathing but we shall see what happens this am.
 
Hi Jodi. I hope you are feeling less hopeless this morning. My thoughts are these for now: Your brother-in-law and sister-in-law should be taught how to do the Bi-pap hook up, and also the suctioning. If they are around much at all, they should really learn how to help.

You made a mistake with the medicine, one you won't make again. Jodi, I hope you can not worry about it now. If anyone does think less of you, remember that they didn't know what to do. Oh, yes, you can tell the family and post it on the fridge to give .25 mg morphine if this ever happens again. And don't stop allowing yourself time away to relax, but perhaps reconsider leaving on cleaning day when the equipment isn't ready to use.

I'm glad he's better now!
 
Jodi, you poor darling. One learns from mistakes and all ANnie's advice is spot on.
I cannot understand why the kids were trying to get him upstairs. Please try to get his life all on one level....

It is clear other people around must learn how to help. Had they not rung the medical services?

but No harm done and a lesson learned - maybe several lessons so all in all it is a bonus situation.
NO more angst, just practical ideas like ANn's to put into place
Love
IRis
 
Jodi,
They have no business being angry with you. If anything they should feel guilty that they couldn't help. You need to get them trained on how to use the machines ASAP. I gave my Mom her morning meds at night once...not a huge deal but she got her blood thinner twice in one day. Try not to feel guity, you do a great deal and have a right to go out. Take it from one who knows...this is absolutely necessary. My thought are with you. Get those people trained!
 
Jodi, please remember that you are only human. Doctors, nurses, etc. are human too and they make mistakes even with a lot more training and protocals in place to try to prevent them and they are not the sole caregiver with the 24/7 stress and responsibility. You can't worry about the in-laws judging or the small town mentality. No one knows how to take care of him better than you.

I can give you two examples of caregiver mistakes from friends I heard just this week.

My friends daughter is the night time caretaker for her grandma with alzheimers. The day caregiver called in sick so my friend's daughter stayed during the day. When it came time for her meds she gave grandma all of her night time meds . She didn't realize it until grandma slept most of the morning. Fortunately she was OK but it gave the daughter quite a scare.

My other friend's sister is a nervous nelly over her kids and has not left them overnight until she and hubby went on a trip and the boys are 3 and 7. Grandma is staying with them. The 3 year old gets 1 allergy pill each morning. The mom had laid out the 3 pills (one per day) in a cup. Grandma gave the 3 year old all 3 as the note was not clear to her. She had to call poisin control and found that if he was taking a certain type of that pill he would need to get his stomach pumped. Fortunately it was not that pill. She was relieved but her daughter will probably never go out of town again.

In neither of these situations is the amount of care you provide involved.

You could use this as an opportunity to demonstrate that you need more help - that you need a back up person to learn all of the specifics of his care that you can rely on to assist you as needed. I predict one of two things will happen: one or two of them will step up and offer you more support and let you train them so that they can help or they will back off and give you the support you deserve and less judgement from afar.
 
Give yourself a break. I don't think there is a CALS out there that hasn't made some type of medication mistake, even if just a small one. If the in-laws are critical, let them come take care of him for 48 hours. They will get over it! Next time you are away and something happens, just have them call 911 or the Fire Dept. They will assess the situation and stay with him while you are on the way home. That way, you won't need to be in a panic when you get home.
 
Don't be too concerned. I take 1mg of morphine as a normal dose. Other than being a breathing concern it should not be a big deal. Don't beat yourself up. With his bipap- no big concern.
 
Just to put things in the proper perspective here, the MINIMUM lethal dose is 200 mg.Jodi, the best advice for you, as a caregiver, do not stress!Stress is lethal.If you can get out for a 20 minute walk daily,please do that.
 
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Thank you everyone, I am trying very hard to let go but I have found out that the in-laws told my kids and my son said to me "so how bad did you screw up and is MY dad ok". Considering me and him have been bumping heads and he makes a comment like that I am over the edge. My in-laws leave hours away so they only come up when they want a vaction so training them is useless and they have no desire they can't even call when he is in the hospital or sick, one person in the family gets the message and passes it along and it is like the "telephone game" they never get it right from one person to the next. Oh well a little nap, another shower, Don home and a deep breathe to reconnect. Love you guys thanks.

Jodi
 
On the plus side, the in-laws don't live around the corner!
 
Good one, Missy. Jodi, at some point our Southern belle, Brooksea will come to this post and make you laugh. I really think you're accepting way too much blame for this. Wanna be my caregiver? LOL

A friend's dad is a surgeon, and his (the doc's) wife was taking care of his mother one week. She called her husband (the doc) and said, in tears, that she'd just given his mother the wrong medicine and his reply: So. You're Killing My Mother? Gasp. Then he laughed and assured his wife that as his mother was so sick, there was no need to be panicked. It became a family joke. I hope your family lightens up and rallies around you. Don't let them get to you, Jodi. Hugs!
 
Take a deep breath and remind yourself you're doing your best and that's all that anyone has the right to expect. You are entitled to time to yourself.. it makes you a better caregiver in the long run. And as many have said here... a single 1mg dose of morphine is FAR from an overdose. Stop beating yourself up and realize you're doing a wonderful job!
 
I am so sick and tired of good people caring about what some lazy worthless people think of them. You made an honest mistake because you were stressed and panicked. I assume no one else in the room did anything while this was happening to him. To hell with what they think. You're living in an impossble situation with no help from anyone. The last thing you should be concerned with is how the in-laws think of you. You know you made a mistake. I guarantee you won't let it happen again.
 
Late to this post. Seems we all have those wonderful family members that gather round like vultures to a feast and leave when they may suspect something will be asked of them. It is still hard to dodge those feathers after 4 years, but I try to find humor in it all! Yet, it does infuriate me when family members or friends refuse to educate themselves about this disease that has been "known" since Lou Gehrig. Afterall, Dr. Giggle is at their disposal...

Motto: Lou Gehrig's Google It!

Put it on a t-shirt and see the reactions you get. Oh, yeah - you have to have the skeleton catching the flaming baseball on the front, too!

Look at my album for the t-shirt design. Believe me, we've gotten people to think! Whether they give a flying rats a$$ or not is another story!;)
 
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