Behavior Issues with my PALS

[Miss]

Help! My PALS has started a new behavior trend - threats and tantrums. If I do not stop what I am doing to help him, or get what he wants immediately (I mean things like hand him the remote or go get him M&Ms), he has a tantrum. He will scream (to the best of his weakening ability) and just generally pitch a fit. Since I have been standing my ground a little, he has decided I need an anger management course. Until I sign up, he won't take his meds, won't go to the doctor, etc. Help!

 

[Ladyinn]

Oh, Missy, how awful for you. It sounds to me that some counseling is needed. The ALS clinic here includes a neuro-psychologist and seeing her has helped both me and my CALS immensely.

In our situation, I seem to be accepting, and adapting (don't you cringe at that term?) to my limited abilities with a quiet withdrawal; my CALS on the other hand is in semi-denial and often looses his patience when I can no longer do what I did the day or week before. He shouts and tries to argue with me; when I don't engage or show he is upsetting me, then he retreats to the garage or the outside. When he returns he apologizes and we talk about how we are going to "adapt" or deal with my new limitations.

That wasn't always the case - but a few sessions with the therapist and things are better for us.

If your husband is refusing to take his medicines - well, as harsh at it may sound, that is his choice. He is no doubt frightened and is exerting control over the only thing he has control over at this point. I'm sure that his demands are another way to help him feel he is in control over something or someone -YOU.

I know how it hurts - I cared for my husband for two years before he died and he wasn't demanding but he wanted me in his sight at all times. One day he told me that I just didn't understand how frightening it is to be dependent on someone else for everything. Now I do!

 

[CAHPAH]

I agree with Diane. A few sessions with a neuropsychologist helped us alot. We even drug the kids in for one session. It really helped us to open the communication between us all. I am wishing you the very best and hope things work out.

 

[DCL1964]

Miss, it sounds like you're going through the same thing I am with my brother. In my brother's friends eyes I've become a villian because I don't drop everything everytime he has an appointment. None of them ever help me.

 

[Miss]

My husband's friends are wonderful. They see how harsh and demanding he is being. As much as they can, they help and support me. Unfortunately, I cannot move one of them in with us! That would solve it. They seem to be able to put him in his place without upsetting him. I'm having such a hard time with this. I know that it hurts his condition when he gets so upset, but I don't think I should have to waste 10 hours on an anger management class that I don't need. I have been trying to make him go to a therapist, but no luck. I'm trying to get the VA to order a session.

 

[abbas child]

"If your husband is refusing to take his medicines - well, as harsh at it may sound, that is his choice. He is no doubt frightened and is exerting control over the only thing he has control over at this point. I'm sure that his demands are another way to help him feel he is in control over something or someone -YOU." (Ladyinn)

Missy, I agree with Diane. And I hope you are able to get him seen by a therapist at the VA. Has Frontal Lobe Dementia been ruled out? I apologize if that's a question you've had to answer before... I find his behavior so difficult to accept, I suppose I'm trying to give him an excuse. Meanwhile, (((Hugs))). How about a pastor's visit..... or, gulp, all his friends coming over for a group confrontation, to show him that you have a solid back behind you. We cannot fight this monster with PALS and CALS not living in harmony.

 

[joelc]

This is also a more rare symptom of Emotional Lability. He needs medication to control it. Put it n his food if you have to, but make him take it! It is necessary for him and you. This is a tme for you to put your foot down.

 

[Miss]

Joel, do you know what medications they suggest for this? I think it might be this instead of FTD. I've read several posts from CALS with PALS suffering from FTD, and it just doesn't seem to fit my husband. However, this behavior is also over the top.

 

[joelc]

I had inappropriate and uncontrollable crying as my symptom of Emotional Lability. I finally started taking Citalopram and it has been wonderful. There are also many other drugs people take that also work. Your doctor can prescribe something. Good Luck!

 

[brooksea]

Missy,

My husband has angry outbursts, but not as bad as your husband's. He has EL and the range of emotions go mainly from laughing or smirking uncontrollably to unprecedented anger. The uncontrollable crying seems to have subsided. He takes Lexapro. He was in the EL trial at Emory and the stuff worked great! You can get it compounded, as it is not yet approved by the FDA (insurance won't pay). I don't know if the VA would pay for it, but these are the two meds that make up the medicine that worked wonders: dextromethorphan, the cough suppressant and quinidine. If the VA won't cover, plan on spending at least $90 a month for the medication. It really does work!

I think your husband still takes food by mouth, I'd crush any antidepressant the doc prescribes and put it in a really flavorful fruit smoothy! Otherwise, crush and combine with feeding via tube, if he comes to that point!

He sounds totally EL'd to me! It can really be a pisser when you are the brunt of the outburst! I still find myself in defensive mode when it happens, it's only natural. I don't back down easily and then have to remind myself it is the EL coming through!

We've tried to up the dose of Lexapro and of course the insurance through Medicare won't approve it! Another danged hassle to deal with! LOL

Good luck to you!

 

[cris]

Hello Honey...will be praying for you. This is such a hard time for you!

My PALS was going through a rough time too. He was crying and yelling and just hard to deal with. His DR put him on amitriptyline (20mg daily). It has really helped smooth things out for him, and me.

Follow Joel's advise hide it in his food once the dr has given him the prscript. His DR may even give it to you w/out the hasssle of going to an appt. God Bless!

 

[Miss]

Thank you all for the advice. We are definitely going to have to make some changes! Maybe some of it is as simple as lack of sleep. Last night he moved from the CPaP to BiPaP. He slept 9 hours! We'll see what the day brings!

 

[Lavender Lady]

I will pray for a good day for the both of you.

 

[Miss]

A friend is in town (staying with us). My PALS has been on his best behavior. He has only shown his a$$ twice in 24 hours! Amazing!

 

[joelc]

That tells me it might not be EL. Try to enjoy it while it lasts.