feelings

[adkdreams]

Ok this post is for the PALS out there to help me figure this out. Why does Don so feel the need to make nice nice with people who treat him like crap or who has hurt him over and over again? And then crap on me and totally disregard my feelings. I get the whole thing about wanting to make things right but in the process if those people don't care about making it right why hurt the people who care for you and don't hurt you? Please help trying so hard to understand and let go. Unable to sleep or eat.

Thank you for any help or advice you send my way. Love this supporting forum. God Bless.

 

[sadiemae]

I think they "lash out" at us because they know we will not leave them, but they need to to "lash out" at someone, and unfortunately it usually is at the one they love the most. It hurts a lot, but we need to remember it is not the person being mean and cruel, it is the disease. HUGS Lori

 

[luvnmm]

Lori, I agree with you. When I have really deep depression bouts, I tend to let it all out with my husband. I think we all tend to lash out with our immediate loved ones just because we feel they will love us anyway. It's hard, I know it is. You tend to feel taken for granted and unappreciated when your in the position of the caregiver. I'm really sorry you're going through this. Please know that Don does love you and only does what he does due to feelings of frustration. We're here for you!

 

[tdamess]

that is very true , as i have learned with my husband family and when i think about what his mom said one time and she was a phyic nurse she said to me ... he knows he can yell at me i am a safe person to him i will still love him .... of course it was not allowed the way i grew up and he no longer takens things out on her i do not allow it , his sister still does but i can not controll her but , some day soon i will have my say next time she does it as i only seen it once with her but , she snapped awful at her and it shocked me but , it wont next time good thing we do not all live near each other

 

[abbas child]

Lori is right. However... he can be told that it hurts like crazy, so if he must lash, lash at something not living. I really don't think this has to happen, no matter how the beast (the disease) is hurting us as pals. Please tell him, but only when he isn't in the midst of an episode. I don't speak out of a vacuum here. My fil was a Jekyll/Hyde everyone tiptoed around. My husband inherited his temper... but dealt with it before I was in the picture. If it even starts to emerge, I give him "the look". Maybe write Don a letter and tell him how much it hurts you.

 

[luvnmm]

Good suggestion, Ann! I agree with you totally.