Old 06-02-2010, 09:31 PM #1 (permalink)
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Default My heart is broken and

I feel so lost without Charlie. I went back to work but it doesn't help. I go to church and pray, it does help briefly. I clean the house and refuse to go to my bedroom where we slept for 35 years and 10 months. As promised, I take care of Penny (our dog) and gives me comfort.

In short, I feel lost and abandon. How do I overcome these feelings?

Aleta
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Old 06-02-2010, 09:50 PM #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: My heart is broken and

Aleta, I had two Church friends who lost their husband, one of over 35 years and the other 50 years. They stay very involved with the Church, going for morning walks with others who lost their husbands recently also. But both of them sold their house and moved to a small townhouse. One of them told me she had to do it, wherever she went in that house, she saw her husband. I find myself thinking of that often recently. My mother used her garden when she lost my father.


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Old 06-02-2010, 09:51 PM #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: My heart is broken and

My dear Aleta

My husband died June 22, 2009 and we were married 36 years 5 months. Your heart is broken and nothing is going to fix it. You just have to let time and your tears heal you. I cry alot. The first 6 months of George being gone, I tried to be strong for "others", not wanting them to feel my pain. Tried being strong for my adult sons and of course, for our grand babies, 6 and 4 at the time. We talk about Pop Pop all the time but my one son does not really talk about him that much. I think the pain is so deep that he stuffs it down and says, he has accepted it. Of course, did not tell me this, told his wife.

Anyway, enough about me. You mentioned church. I belong to an awesome ladies prayer group at my church and we have the best church. My husband was the bass player, until ALS took away his ability to play.

There is a book (don't know if I can mention it) so I will send you private email if you email me. It was the only one that helped me. It is small and you can buy on line.

Email me anytime.

Will lift you up tonight in prayer to the lover of our soul, Jesus.

In His name,

Patty
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Old 06-02-2010, 09:57 PM #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: My heart is broken and

Hi Aleta. My wife Liz passed away on November 23 of last year. I too felt lost. I have four kids though so I kinda had to put on a strong face. If you read through some of my posts I think you'll see the anguish I've gone through. I spent a lot of time exploring my inner feelings here, mostly because I really didn't have anyone else to express them to and they had to come out.
I also didn't find work to be much help, but I didn't have a choice. They were very supportive of me though, both before Liz died and since and that has been a help.
I'm not a churchgoer so I can't speak to that but maybe if you have a pastor, priest or someone else there that will listen, you may find some peace in that way.
I think the single most effective way to overcome the grief is to find someone that has traveled the path and just spend time talking about it. I found I really needed someone who "got it" to be able to really let the emotions out.
All that said, I really think time is the only way to come to terms with the loss. I have found something of a new normal in just the last few weeks. I'm nowhere near over the loss, but I'm crawling out of that very dark hole I was in and finding some joy in life now. I can't point to any one single thing or person that brought me out of it, but I do think it was combination of all of the above and some very understanding and caring individuals that wanted to help.
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Old 06-02-2010, 09:59 PM #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: My heart is broken and

Aleta, I am so sorry about your Charlie. I cannot begin to imagine how lost you must be feeling. To lose someone after so many years together must be incredibly difficult. You must have many wonderful memories of your time together. I wish I could give you more than just words of comfort. I hope that time will ease some of your pain. Plus you have all of your friends at the forum. We are here for you and will do anything we can to help.
Peace be with you.
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Old 06-02-2010, 10:37 PM #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: My heart is broken and

Healing After Loss by Martha Hickman is a great book. You just pick it up and start that day. It really helped my mother when she lost my father. I imagine that I will pick it back up when the time comes. I am so sorry you are going through this. I dread when my time comes. Know that you are in the thoughts and prayers of many .
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Old 06-02-2010, 10:46 PM #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: My heart is broken and

Aleta, I was going to suggest the same as Miss. Grieving is different for everyone. Some are able to move on rather quickly and others need more time. Please take all the time that you need to grieve. You had many years together and it should not be expected that your grieving period would be over just becaue you have gone back to work. Aside from a pastor a therapist may be of some help particularly if you have other issues beyond the grief such as anger. Its is very easy to become angry at this disease because even though we live it, it just doesn't make an sense. Hard to comprehend.

PS ~ I hope that Penny is helping you. After my father passed away suddenly, about 6 months later my mother told me she didn't know what she would have done without their dog Peanut. It really kept her going and gave her reason to get up each day. Take care.
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Old 06-03-2010, 01:38 PM #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: My heart is broken and

MY dogs have kept me going when nothing else would have done.
Try not to be alone too much, tho not necessarily to talk about your grief - just go with the flow. Everyone here knows that there is nothing you can do but try to let go. If you hold on and hold on you are not helping yourself, and who knows,you might be making things more diffivult for them, too? In time, try to look outwards at the sufferrings of others and use all that you have learned through these terrible months to help them. But for now, you just have to cry, to cuddle the dog, to wait. Maybe join a club of an interest you have often thought about taking up butnot got round to. Things gradually -oh, so gradually, that will tiny bit by tiny bit start to refill that huge void
MUCH MUCH LOVE
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Old 06-04-2010, 03:28 PM #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: My heart is broken and

Thanks all. I have read your responses and feel certain that I can move on. Although I miss Charlie, his memory is with me for a lifetime.

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