Old 05-01-2010, 10:05 PM #16 (permalink)
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Default Re: Daughter of PAL venting

CJ, I think we need to make a little trip to New York with irismarie's Gardener...
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Old 05-03-2010, 06:10 AM #17 (permalink)
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Thank you to all....since posting, and reading your responses, i have a renewed sense of strength and the courage to stand up for myself and my sisters..........we will simply do what we can and that's it, and i will not be pushed around by this man or his son...........it is very true that this man is a wimp and is influenced by his kids, then passes those thoughts on to mom....but out of the presence of his kids, he tells my mom he loves her and he is there for her!....the man cannot deal with conflict, discord, etc......he basically turns the other way and let's others figure things out for him.....but yes, will spend any money that his kids want him ot on them and his grandchildren......he'll hand over his credit card to his daughter so they can buy/do whatever is needed for the summer home!.................as far as my family having access to the beautiful summer home? we used to....we were at first welcome there, when mom and the man first got together, for 1 week each summer, but then after a few summers of visiting, we got the icy cold shoulder and our last trip there was in 2004 ..i refused to go after that and told my mom.......it was at that time that mom and the man bought a condo together and that's when the man's kids decided to turn cold........anyway, i have had that moment when a person says 'enough'........and i thank all of you for helping me to get there!..............i have lost a lot of respect for mom's partner and i am angry at her too, for not being stronger with him and asking for what she deserves......if the son decides to call me at any time in the future, i am ready!
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Old 05-03-2010, 06:30 AM #18 (permalink)
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Default Re: Daughter of PAL venting

do not e angry with your mother<; believe me, this illness takes all the fight right out of you. People used to be scared of little me but not any more.............
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Old 05-03-2010, 08:05 AM #19 (permalink)
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Default Re: Daughter of PAL venting

"G", OMG! The condo that they "bought" together, is it also in her name? Check. Does she have a will? Ask her and then make certain that her 1/2 of the condo goes to you and your sister-it may just cover the expenses that the two of you have incurred the last couple of years of being unpaid attendants. Who is her Durable Power of Attorney and Executer? Check ASAP and protect yourself. My advice, avoid the dreaded spawn of a son at all costs. Ignore his phone calls. He has NO POWER unless you allow him to have power. Deal with the man and your Momma. And I disagree with my sweet irismarie. Be mad as hell at both of them for this behavior. I doubt seriously if the ALS changed how your Momma and the man always defined the relationship, it just was easier to put up with it or ignore before she was ill. Right?
I do believe that EVERYTHING in our lives is only to help us grow, it is all only life lessons. Look carefully at this situation, the conflict, the emotions, the legal mess, the choices and the relationships. Do you see any of this repeated in your life or your sisters? Maybe men that somehow have personality traits of the man or very similar treatment... Is it possible that you have had issues with conflict and personal power, not protecting yourself-being used in the name of love? Look at it as a enriching life lesson that you will learn from and then future generations will not have to take the same courses in life! Role model authentic loving behavior for your children that is respectful, powerful, sensitive and compassionate. If you look at this situation as a terrific opportunity for personal change and growth that will empower you and future generations it will become a personal transformation. You go girl and soar! Sending you more courage and righteous indignation. Power hug, hug hug to you and yours Kay Marie

The Monkey's are on STANDBY status! ;]
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Old 05-03-2010, 07:01 PM #20 (permalink)
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Default Re: Daughter of PAL venting

I'm sure G's anger is more directed at the situation rather than her mother! I know she will now arm herself with power to deal with such selfish people that put her mother beneath themselves. I would imagine that this is one of those scenarios that comes out when people become seriously ill and the fairy tale is no longer an option.

I'm sure those children have been so thankful that they themselves did not have to be a caregiver to their father. Now that the caregiver needs to be cared for they are resentful. Shame, shame, shame! Shame on them!
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Old 05-05-2010, 04:51 PM #21 (permalink)
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G, how are you? hugs Kay Marie
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Old 05-25-2010, 02:15 PM #22 (permalink)
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Default Re: Daughter of PAL venting

Hey guys, thanks for asking...haven't been on in a few weeks.....things are ok....i found the strength to write my mom's partner a long letter carefully explaining to him how it makes me and my sisters feel when we are asked to do more for our Mother (such as be at their house all weekend!), when we are already having such a difficult time balancing our own responsibilities, jobs, traveling costs, etc........i explained everything to him in a respectful, straightforward manner, and this has put to rest as far as i can tell any more bullying from his son......things seem better now...my sisters and i are picking up the extra cost of a caregiver for a few hours as needed on Sunday afternoons, to give ourselves a break.........I am scheduling the weekends in order to help me and my sisters to also do the things that we have been neglecting -- church, some social events, etc..........i also have been to my doctor for a complete physical since i have been so stressed, depressed, anxious.............i am on some new supplements, feeling better..............it all came down to standing up for myself and my sisters, knowing that we are doing the best we can for our mom, and not letting people who have NO CLUE tell us what we should be doing.......thanks to all!
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Old 05-26-2010, 03:44 AM #23 (permalink)
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Default Re: Daughter of PAL venting

Oh G, I am so happy that you were able to find some sort of resolution to the overloading problem! You and your sister are doing a great job, and dont you ever forget that! I still say to stay away from those evil children of his. Anger takes a lot of energy, and you need your energy. I would avoid them like the plague. Your plate is to full to have to deal with those spoiled brats! Thank you for checking in and letting us know how things are going hun. Please come back and always let us know how you are doing. We really care about you!
Hugs, Kari
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Old 05-26-2010, 09:38 AM #24 (permalink)
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G! I knew you could do it! hugs hugs hugs from the cool, calm and verdant Prairie this morning, Kay Marie
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Old 05-28-2010, 02:35 AM #25 (permalink)
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Quote:
my sisters and i are picking up the extra cost of a caregiver for a few hours as needed on Sunday afternoons, to give ourselves a break.........
I cannot even tell you how po'd I am that they would not contribute after all that has been done for their "dear" father.
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Old 05-28-2010, 12:47 PM #26 (permalink)
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Default Re: Daughter of PAL venting

G, I have just read all the posts and I am appalled at the situation that you and your sisters are in with that man and his family. I am so glad you found your voice and expressed yourself. Excellent that it was done in writing so that you have a record of it if something should come up. It was a super idea to see your doctor and get some help for yourself. You have to take care of yourself too. I would listen to Kari and avoid that family completely. They are a nasty group - kind of like a fungus.
Best wishes, and have a blessed day.
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Old 05-28-2010, 02:48 PM #27 (permalink)
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Default Re: Daughter of PAL venting

Darling darling Kay marie, I am afraid that one day you will let go and say what you REALLY think
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