Bad mental state days....

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Just J

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Oct 30, 2007
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300
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DX UMND/PLS
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01/2010
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US
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MD
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Havre de Grace
There are days when my mental state says "enough." I'm done. I don't want this anymore. Today is one of those days. Driving to work today I wanted to keep driving, drive anywhere, anywhere but here. A place to escape. But there is no escaping.

I don't have too many days like this. But when I do, its bad. I don't like anyone today. I don't even like "me" when I'm like this. I know this will pass and I'll be back to my normal chipper self. How do you cope when you have these days?
 
Judie, we can all soul identify! I cope by playing MUSIC really loud. My favorite one for the days that I want to get in my car and drive is this one by Bobbie McFerrin. YouTube- Drive My Car PLAY IT REAALLY LOUD and over and over! I promise you will feel better :]

The other one that has become my mantra is "I Will NOT be broken" by Bonnie Raitt! Soul food. :]
YouTube- Bonnie Raitt - I Will Not Be Broken (live)

Prairie hugs! Kay Marie
 
Oh Judie,
We all have days when we're not fit for public display. On days like this, I just let myself BE...sad, angry, whatever it is. :evil: :( I reach out to my dear "soulsister" Kay Marie and have a good verbal vomiting session. :eek: I try to stay away from people who may be hurt by my ugly mood. Then, when I'm done with my session I find music that lifts me up-it can be silly songs, empowering songs, comfort songs...doesn't really matter.

And...I pray. I pray for peace. I pray for grace. I pray for patience and compassion and courage. I pray for God to calm my spirit so that I can find the joy in the moments again, and to be able to see the blessing (sometimes that prayer is yelled out in full rage, but...I always seem to feel better afterwards.

Prayers for you to find you peace.
 
Judie,
I had a lot of days like that, mostly from about June to September of last year. I burned a lot of gas in my Jeep on 1-2 hour drives. I don't think they helped much but at least I was out of the house and not depressing everyone else. At some point in September (probably when I finally hired a part-time caregiver) I found some peace with the situation and no longer needed those long drives. Of course that peace was shattered when Liz died and I found another four months of mental anguish. I'm coming out of that now, but this time I looked to friends, here, on facebook, at work and in real life. I don't think I could have made it without them. I still don't know how I pulled my kids through all of this so successfully, I was a mess for such a long time.

Dick
 
Oh Julie dear, We all have what I call, my moments. They can come from out of nowhere. I can get so depressed and cry and can be filled with a doz emotions all at once. I just have to have that time and then i pick myself back up and I move on. I have decited that this is a good thing. We just have to find a way to get rid of all the pinned up feelings once in a while. I too play music I love, and is comforting to me. If I am really really bad I will call my best friend and talk. Then the best place to go is here. right here on this forum. Everyone knows just what I am going through. Finally peace will come again.. big Hugs to you, Linda
 
wHEN IT HAPPENS I avoid everyone in person and vent here. This is a lifesaver
 
Judie,
You described exactly how I felt just yesterday. I could only get out of the house for a few minutes as I had only my teenage son (who has been down with a bug) to cover for me. I went to the drugstore to pick up perscriptions and it was all I could do to turn the car around to go home. It was a beautiful day and I just wanted to drive and drive and not think about anything.

Since I work from home, I almost never leave here so any outing is a treat. Dave is so miserable lately with drooling/mucus that we can't get undercontrol, that he does not like to go out. Pretty much going stir crazy being here 24/7.

If you can, do the drive, listen to loud music, cry, scream, anything that can get you through. Sometimes I just sit down and sob and sob until I can get enough out to function again. Before my husband had ALS, the only times i really cried on regular basis were tears of joy, but don't have much of that any more. And I can't remember a day in the past 8 months that I haven't cried out of fear, self-pity, or pain of watching the progress of this crappy disease(and in fact, I consider it a really GREAT day if I only cry once.)

Hang in there. Vent to this forum. Know YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

xo
Lisa
 
Julie, It must be something in the air - or maybe the phase of the moon - I too am in an emotional dither. Not too sure if I am scared, sad or just plain sorry for what will never be again. I have found that when I am my most vulnerable it helps to play music and let the tears stream down my face till I am worn out. Keeping them bottled up is stressful. I remind myself that "this too shall pass" and the sun will come out tomorrow. Hang in there - we are stronger than we think. Hugs, Diane
 
Thanks everyone. I'm a bit better today. I take these moments to truly reflect and I havn't come up with any answers yet. I always pray for peace, strength, and acceptance. Last night I prayed for forgiveness of my mean thoughts and bad attitude.

I'd love to get in my car and drive for a few hours like Dick but that's just not possible. Its really hard for me to get away. I do indulge in all kinds of music though and love to play it really loud. Last night on my way home a song came on the radio that was kind of my mantra in '08 when things were starting to get really crazy. The song is "Shattered" by OAR. There's a line that says "How many times can I break 'til I shatter?". Well I realize that some days I feel broken, no question. But I don't know that I am shattered. I am still here afterall and I'm not in a straight jacket :)
 
Some days it is just living one second to the next second! Kahlil Gibran says that we can only truly know deep joy when we have lived with great sorrow. That sustains me in dark moments. Just imagine all the joy that we can experience!
 
Yea, about that. I'm still waiting on the deep joy thing, Kay Marie. I think I'm through the greatest of the sorrow now though.

Dick
 
It is coming my dear Friend!
 
I just hope that my kids and Rich will get on this forum someday and hear what all of you have to say. I appreciate all of you so much for your truthfulness and thoughtfulness and for just being here everyday.. smile! L
 
Just J, You remember how we talked about how calm you are, and how you just roll with things? That is how you are coping, but the emotions are still being taken in even when you are not aware of it. At some point, the emotions will spill out, they just do not have a place to go otherwise... Thats what happens on the days when you are feeling so bad and angry. It is your body's way of letting them out, and it's natural. When that has happened to me I try and "lean into the pain and anger" because I know if I can get a lot out, it will be a longer time until it happens again. Go scream, go get some dishes from the goodwill and smash them up, get it out, it is good for you! Hang in there kid, this to shall pass as my mom always says.
Hugs, Kari
 
Dick - One day at a time hun. There WILL come a day when the first thing you think about wont be the loss in your life, I PROMISE!
Hugs, Kari
 
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