Dish Towels and my Mom

[Deb A]

Hello everyone, I've posted a few times, and always feel the warm thoughts and support of all of you here, when I read everyone's words. My mom was diagnosed Oct. 09 with ALS, and in the past month has just about completely lost her ability to speak. That is when you think about how cruel this disease is. I mean isn't it quite enough that you can't walk, and use your hands, and have trouble swallowing and breathing? I must be having an "angry week" because I am the oldest female sibling of my large family and am and have always been "the caretaker" throughout all the years. I am so busy with managing all that needs to be done, that I have only allowed myself minimal time for the real sadness of what is happening to my mom, and also my Dad is going downhill with his health problems as well... So in my feeling sorry for myself this morning, as I was cleaning, I noticed my dish towels were looking on the gray side. That brought tears because whenever my mom was here for dinner or just visiting, she would bother me about that and say, "Why don't you use BLEACH ON THESE THINGS!" Oh how I wish she could bother me like that again! I guess there will always be those smallest little details that remain special to each of us, and keep us close at heart to our loved ones who are now suffering. I hope everyone is hanging on and doing alright, The sun is shining here and I hope it is for all of you, to try and enjoy the weekend...Bye for now

 

[Twinsmom]

Dear Deb,
While you're busy being brave and taking care of your parents, you don't allow ourselves the luxury of feeling sad...you're allowed to feel sorry for yourself. This is the one place that it's safe to do just that, and not have to worry about "keeping it all together". This is an AWFUL disease, and there's no way to make what you are having to live pretty. BUT, you will pull it together, since that's what you do as the caregiver and get on with the tasks at hand.

So as you have the bittersweet memories of what your mom would say to you about those nasty dish towels, go throw them in the washer with bleach...in her honor! And you can go tell her how you did just that so she knows. Allow the memory to warm your heart while you're crying at the awfulness of the loss.

Prayers to you for courage and grace to live this journey.
Peace,
Melody

 

[indigosd]

Deb, Thank you for sharing this heart moment with all of us. My sweet Grandmother died decades ago from ancient age. Every time I bake bread and SMELL that yeasty bread smell it feels like she is right there next to me. :] It is such a visceral memory. She baked bread and buns every Saturday. hugs to you and go bleach those dish towels!