Is he about to pass away?

[brooksea]

That was the question put to me by one of my husband's friends this morning over the phone. The friend had called about a month ago and asked me if their was anything he could do. I told him: "Come see him!" He made a promise to be here at the end of the week. He never showed.

So we get the call this morning and he wants to talk to my husband. He obviously couldn't understand a word my husband was saying so my husband handed the phone to me. That's when the guy popped the question. Well, that really made my day! :evil: I had to hold my mouth shut before I blurted something I would regret to the poor guy. You know, like: "Dang it all, you a$$#@(&, if you would come see him you could get a clue!"

I know, at least he called to check on him! LOL But I have to say I was NOT prepared for such a question! Now I can't get that question out of my mind for God's sake!

Things haven't been going so well in Dixie so I just wanted to really tell that fella off. But instead I'm here venting to y'all. That way I can remain the sweet, loving wife all his friends believe me to be!:mrgreen:

 

[indigosd]

ohhhhh the agony of well meaning friends [?].....He must be related to the dreaded SIL! How do you do it without having an ulcer? Where does he live? I can send the Monkey's to give him a Brazilian WAX! xo

 

[hopingforcure]

UGGHH... That bleaping idiot.. Oh people never cease to amaze me.. I cannot believe how heartless people can be, makes me so sad. Vent to us whenever, you do not deserve this, to good a person, sending you a hug from a friend who gets what being a friend means. Sorry dear girl, you did not deserve this idiot Today.

 

[irismarie]

That is just astounding! Peoples lack of understanding/empathy/tact/common sense/love is just staggering

One phrase can really make a difference to a day:

 

[pmbenb83]

Hi CJ ~ Wow! I'm stunned. I'm sorry he blurted that out like that to you. I like the Brazilian wax idea and not on the chest either. LOL

We recently had a birthday "gathering" for Eric and one of his dearest friends pulled me aside and said that he was sorry he hadn't come around more, but he would from now on, because one night he and his son were coming over to watch football with us and he said to his son that this was so hard for him to see Eric. His son, who is getting his masters and phD in Tennesse working on eye gaze equipment for ALS patients, said to him that this is not happening to him it's happening to Eric, so why would it be hard on you? Smart young man. His dad had an "a ha" moment, so now Eric's friend stops by on his way home from work, has lunch with him on weekends and calls quite often. I think it is very hard on men to watch their male friends deteriorate and it makes them realize Oh poop, this could happen to me. Luckily, he didn't blurt something out like you haerd when he pulled me aside, because I wouldn't have been able to get to my computer fast enough to vent. heehee He would have gotten it with both barrels.

We have another friend from South Africa who is a nurse and she uses the phrase "busy dying" so she doesn't bother people. She is a dear friend, so she "bothers" us and is very welcome to do so. Do you think people feel like they are imposing on us to visit?

All I can say is thank God for this forum so we can all vent!

Take care, CJ.

 

[sadiemae]

We have one brother and one male friend and one father in law that is still in contact with us. The rest just do not call. That means about 15 close(now distant) relatives and no friends. Amazing how hurtful this can be to our PALS. HUGSLori

 

[cukita99]

i have 4 sisters, 3 brothers, 17 nieces and nephews all living here and no one calls or visits me. my parents cant drive but they call often. its so sad.

 

[peter57]

I agree with Pam B that men find it hard to come and visit men who are suffering.

I have, had a large number of male friends, work mates, etc who I would see often, now the number that come around and see me is down to 3 or 4, (the most frequent one lives 30 min away, the rest 5 min)
All of the rest seem to strugle seeing me in this condition.

Dont get me started on family:roll:

No one to my knowledge has asked "that question" though.

cheers
Peter

 

[brooksea]

Well, today must be Sh!# Upon Me and My Husband Day and nobody told us! After the "friend" call I got the "neighbor" call about something so stupid with our son and her son. A matter of territorial rights to make it short. Boy did that get my husband going! I tried to hold him back to no avail. He was mad as a hornet for about an hour and let everybody know it. Then I got the "brother" call...maybe that was the BEST one! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! In my head the conversation goes this way: "I feel so sorry for you bro! You have congestion - oh, but you CAN go to the doc and get antibiotics and so on. And no I won't take your darling son with mine to our mom's that lives about an hour away! I take my son all the time. You do it on your own time, not mine." But I just try to change the subject, but he is relentless and I tell him I will call him back. NOT!

Sometimes I just want to say PISS OFF everybody!:evil: Don't try to make me feel YOUR guilt!

 

[Just J]

Our family and friends tend to stay away too so periodically I need an excuse to gather everyone. So, we had 18 people hear for Easter. And several mentioned to me later "Mike looks good". Well that was nice of them to say but they didn't see him try to stand, or walk, or struggle to open something, reach for something, shave, shower etc. He sat in the same spot the whole time and didn't move. Of course he looked good...his face isn't the problem its the rest of his body! So while everyone thinks Mike looks good they still don't get the whole situation. Sigh.

 

[pepsiman]

Oh man this thread just boils my blood. Mother in law, retired, loaded, comes to visit her daughter exactly twice, for three days at a time for the whole nine months Liz was in the wheelchair. The only thing she did to help while here was wash dishes. Sorry, investments have taken a massive hit in the stock market, no money to help. Gotta have access to the grandchildren though. WTF, this is your daughter!
Liz's roommate/best friend from college "I just couldn't stand to see her like that". Lives two hours away, never visited. All my oldest/best friends, two hours away, never visited. My family stopped by, roughly once a month. They live 15 minutes away. Went out to dinner with my oldest sister in October. She said "I had no idea things were so bad". Maybe if you stopped by or called every now or then you would have had a clue. I get that people have their own lives to live but really, is it so much of a burden to stop by once or twice a month and help with the kids, do the laundry, wash dishes, buy dinner? We had NO family or friend support at all. The people I work with did more for my family in two weeks than both of our families did in the entire three years between the time Liz was diagnosed and the time she passed away. I hope none of them really need my help in the future 'cause I just don't know how I would respond.

Dick

 

[sadiemae]

Les and I were discussing this a couple of weeks ago. His attitude is that they can all go *!+% themselves, and he doesnt care, but I know it really hurts. I too wonder how I would react if they ever needed us. Probably because of all I have learned I would reach out to them with open arms, and so would we all. There just isnt room in our lives for hateful and hurtful behavior. HUGS Lori

 

[pepsiman]

You're right Lori. And as my mother would say it would "burn my a$$", but I'd do it. My experience with ALS has removed all of my ability to be cold and uncaring. If someone needs help, I help now. I'm not the man I once was...

 

[sadiemae]

None of us are the same any more. I think this has made us all better. I am not happy that it took this to make me a better person, but we take what is thrown our way and deal with it. Sometimes we dont deal with it very well, but we do, and that is pretty amazing!

 

[irismarie]

"I think this has made us all better"
I believe SOME good must emerge from all bad situations
This thread has hit a spot with a huge number of us. THat was what really made me cry when the doctor said "surely your children will want you with them now!"
myv lips are sealed