rocmg
Distinguished member
- Joined
- Dec 29, 2008
- Messages
- 389
- Reason
- PALS
- Country
- UK
- State
- N/A
- City
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i've been going through a stage of great anger with my mum recently. whenever she stumbles or chokes on her food or just looks weary, my first reaction is to get angry and blame her for getting worse. i can't handle her progressing, and i feel like i'm losing my compassion. i feel like "why can't you just stop this happening -- try harder and you'll overcome it." of course it's totally horrible and unreasonable, perhaps i need some kind of therapy to help me work out these issues. i don't want to be like this! in my heart, i know she can't help it.
i've found myself saying things like, "you're a danger to yourself, you need a wheelchair" which obviously upsets her a lot since her mobility is something she is glad about.
but i also get angry when she doesn't sleep. she maybe has 5/6 hours sleep a night and then wants up to sit downstairs, looking miserable and tired when she should be in bed resting and getting proper sleep.
argh! i just want so badly for her to be better and it's not happening and i know she's going to die, possibly this year. why can't i cherish this time with her and love her better? i will regret these feelings for the rest of my life after she's dead.
i've found myself saying things like, "you're a danger to yourself, you need a wheelchair" which obviously upsets her a lot since her mobility is something she is glad about.
but i also get angry when she doesn't sleep. she maybe has 5/6 hours sleep a night and then wants up to sit downstairs, looking miserable and tired when she should be in bed resting and getting proper sleep.
argh! i just want so badly for her to be better and it's not happening and i know she's going to die, possibly this year. why can't i cherish this time with her and love her better? i will regret these feelings for the rest of my life after she's dead.